Being a long distance granny

Use every means possible to keep in touch, Facebook, FaceTime, letters, photos, messages and texts as often as you can. Make the miles shorter this way.

Lovely news but, oh dear, you seem to have set us all off! The tears are never that far away.

Lovely news about the baby ffinochio. At least with the UK you can get there quickly if you need to. I suspect I will be going 18 months if not two years now without seeing the Spanish grandchildren. I try not to think about it too much.
I do think it gets easier as they get older though. My GDs in England tend to shrug off the cuddles now, but I get emails, photos and Facetime from them. OH has a regular date for helping with maths homework and I love the secret conversations to discuss presents for Mummy and Daddy.

Ffinnochio It can be miserable at times and yes, for them too.

Oh dear, ffinochio, I'm crying too, sitting here with tears rolling down my face!

Now I must pull myself together and get on with sorting out this house because DD1 and family are coming over at the end of March. Don't know why I'm weepy. Perhaps because I don't know when I will next see DD2

Congratulations on the new arrival and have a lovely time when you visit.

Fabulous Gally. Lovely to have that to look forward to.

when - Yes! Very much better. x

When You always have a wonderful way with words!

ffinnochio Not long now until you meet your beautiful granddaughter and hold her in your arms. I know only too well how frustrating Skype pictures can be sometimes

DD2 from Oz has just confirmed that she is flying 'home' with the youngest gc for a quick visit in June. I am so excited. Her main reason is to visit my Aunt who is 99 this year; she feels if she leaves it any longer, it may be too late. So, in the Gally household there will be reunions, introductions, a little crying for those who won't be present and much laughter.

Pull yourself together, ffin! Is that better??? xxx

Just dried those tears and you've got me weeping again, when. Thanks for the post. Lovely. x

ffinnochio the next fortnight won't go quickly enough! Your feelings come across loud and strong, and I would feel the same way. Your comment about your own children's feelings of separation from you is so poignant - yesterday I looked up to see my daughter watching me playing with one of my grandaughters, as though she was committing the scene to memory. A touching moment for both of us, tears in our eyes. Your son will want to see you with your grandaughter and remember the happy moments. My daughter is a tough cookie usually (SIL says she has a swinging brick for a heart when she is objective and matter-of-fact) but when it comes to the children and their relationships with their family, she wants to see those cherished childhood experiences for her children, and that includes granny time. I hope your Skype brings lots more time enjoying your new grandaughter till you get to cuddle her

This morning my normal, rational and, at times, necessarily detached feelings with my sons families being so far away has disappeared completely.
I have just been speaking to my London son and seeing my almost 10 day old beautiful baby granddaughter for the first time in my son's arms and am awash with delight and frustration. A very bad connection. No sound at his end, dropping, freezing and poor screen quality all conspired to have me weeping when the connection finally gave up. Emotional balance is very hard to hold at such times. Joy and frustration clashing together.

Your post resonated with me absent. Separation isn't always easy for our children either. I know that both our lads miss being closer to us.

Two weeks and I'm off to see the new baby. That'll get my motivation going this morning.

Just a reminder that our children and grandchildren can miss us as much as we miss them when we are separated by many miles. Absentdaughter and I used to have a goodbye routine – jolly chitchat with each other, the children etc. until the flight was called or the train came in. Flurry of hugs and kisses with the in-laws and children, then the fastest but tightest hug in the world with each other. Hand over the goody bag with puzzles, books, pictures, etc. for the journey, then we both turned and went our separate ways without looking back. I know that she sobbed her heart out in car parks and on trains just as I dripped tears all over the plane and snivelled into tissues from Nelson to Auckland.

I also remember the times when she rang me in England because she was having a difficult time (as opposed to the times when we just chatted happily) and began with "I want my Mummy". The children also used to say goodnight to a large photograph of us.

The separation isn't always easy for them either however rich and lovely their lives elsewhere may be.

that is so very true Rock !

I do think we are less important to our children than they are to us. That is quite normal I think. They like to know we are there but don't really want us to inconvenience them. I felt the same about my own parents but I loved them very much and I think they knew that. I now appreciate how lovely they were, with no bitterness. They allowed me to fly free and I want that for my son too.

Wise and thoughtful post Speld !

Just read through all these posts and really there are so many of us with families all over the world. We all cope with it in different ways I guess.
These are some of the questions and points that came up.
I wonder does a lot of communication make it easier or harder?
Should we visit when we can or does this make it harder to say goodbye?
How should we cope with our grief? distraction? detachment?
Are we looking at the situation the wrong way round I wonder?
Maybe as parents and grandparents we aren't really that important to our children and their children. They are important to us, but they have gone out in the world to make their own lives and form their own families and can easily live without us.
I adored my own grandparents but don't remember being upset when I didn't see them very often. Similarly my own children used to see their grandparents fairly regularly as young children but as they got older it used to become a chore to them to go on visits.
My (ex) husband and I took our children abroad for 4 years when they were very young and although I was aware of my parents sadness, to my shame, I didn't realise how awful it was for them to be parted from us all. This was at a time when the only communication was a crackly expensive phone call and letters.
I think maybe as parents we shouldn't expect to be considered that much by our children and are then hurt when they seem not to care. The worse thing for me was when my son went abroad 4 years ago. We were close, and the pain was almost unbearable, I felt rejected and unloved by him. When they had my GD it seemed it could not get any worse.
I have come to terms with it now and try not to take it as a personal rejection anymore. They are doing what is best for them and their family and I am becoming the older generation who should be there when needed but should also expect to take a back seat.
I think it could be a generational thing as my own parents (in their 80s now) did not expect to be 'hands on' with their grandchildren, but had organised visits. Modern grandparents now take on the care of their grandchildren and expect to participate wherever possible. ( as I do with my daughter's son). I think this is brilliant but it makes it harder for us to cope with being unable to do this with our absent grandchildren.

Hello nanycaz - yes we do have skype (or FaceTime) but their internet is limited and very expensive so we save it for special occasions. We do get lots of communication through Facebook as that seems to be the most economical way of keeping in touch with all the family.
Glad you are feeling a bit better - it does get better.

Morning to all, such a comfort to read everyone's messages, although, Bellasnana, sorry to hear your granddaughter is unwell, you feel so helpless when they are poorly, but here's hoping she will be on the mend soon, enjoy your time with them.

I have just returned from a weekend in Manchester (yes I know they have only been gone a week) but we had some things to take up, and just had to see they were settled. We had a lovely time, saw their new house and of course had lots of cuddles. We explored the area, and had a lovely walk in yesterday's glorious sunshine to the local park, and fed the ducks.

I feel better knowing they are OK, and that the children have settled in their new schools, but coming away is always going to be hard.

The next time we go will probably be on the train as its much quicker, and more direct. The husband who drives a lot of miles during the week found the driving this weekend a bit much, especially coming home - very busy on the M6 and M1. He was then up at six this morning to drive to Essex to work!!

Chrissiecas - A holiday down under to look forward to in September - how wonderful. Its so good to hear from the family isn't it? Skype is such a wonderful thing, our family are still waiting to have their Internet connected, but when it is we will Skype also. We already Skype our other son who lives in Munich, and when we put the camera on, he showed us round his apartment, very clever, felt just like you were next door.

Rockgran - How lovely to receive some photos, such wonderful memories to treasure. Do you also have Skype?

Just received another batch of photos from the Falklands. My son and family have been there four months and I think it does get easier. It helps to have some photos of the boys looking happy and healthy. I still miss them so much but I am getting used to it now. I don't get overwhelmed with sadness as I did for the first couple of months. I send best wishes to all long distance Grans - especially those for whom it is still new and raw.

Well, I'm getting skyped on a regular basis up to now, my son and family are enjoying life down under, they've just moved into their own rented accommodation so it's all exciting stuff for the grandchildren. I'm focusing on my trip over there in Sept. Sounds a long way off but it'll soon be here, lots of planning to look forward to now. I'm managing to keep busy, but miss them so much.

Thank you Nonu and anno. We have certainly had lovely cuddles today. I treasure every minute with her and can imagine how you are feeling, Nonu, having left your treasures. Hope you get to see them again soon. When we go home it will be at least a year before we see DGD again, unless we win the lottery.

What a shame for the poor wee girl and for you. It will be a great comfort for her to have cuddles with her nana.

Bells , sorry to hear your DG has pneumonia , so worrying when they are poorly , still you have another 3 weeks over there , so that is good !
I have returned from from Bournville after visiting with the darlings and feel a tad blue as is to be expected !

Hi nanicaz glad to hear you are bearing up as well as can be expected under the circumstances. I understand your concerns but I'm sure you will still be a part of their lives.

When I was a child we lived in Chester and my nana lived in York but we were still really close despite not having Internet and so on in those days. We always loved going to her house during the holidays and she was a huge part of our lives.

At the moment we are in the US spending five weeks with our little granddaughter who is three. We've had a lovely time so far, but poor little thing is poorly today. They were at the doctors office for two hours having x-rays etc and she has got pneumonia. Such a worry when they are sick. I almost wish I wasn't here to see her so unwell.

We have three weeks left and then I will be in tears like you. It's so hard to say goodbye

Greetings all

Well it has been a few days now since they left for Manchester, my tears have dried up for a while. Monday and Tuesday have passed with various errands to do, but today I am back at the computer and very much alone with my thoughts.

I have, however, received messages and photos of the new house and the children dressed ready in their new uniforms, and even a photo of them eating pancakes yesterday.

How quickly children adapt and move on, leaving us adults floundering and reflecting on how life was!!

Of course I am pleased for them, and now that spring is here, and hopefully the weather will get nicer, I am thinking ahead to visits and exploring the area - the Peak District has been on my list for a while.

But I know I shouldn't, but I cant help thinking that without the required amount of effort on both parts, messages, phone calls, photos and visits will get less and less as people get busier and busier. I certainly hope this will not be the case.

I hope all my fellow long distance Granny's are well today and keeping positive.

Bye for now