Being a long distance granny

Well, we are just about back to normal now and that is probably a good thing - the time over Christmas & New Year just went on a bit too long for me. I made the mistake of not organising any get-togethers with my friends during that time and I expect you know what's coming up - they were busy with their grandchildren and families and I got no invites from them either! I had a busy run up to the Festive Season and was frankly glad to have a rest after Boxing Day, but it didn't work for me this year and I must learn from that. Now I am back into the swing of normal life with meetings to attend and a talk to give tonight etc, etc, I have activities to take my mind off my family 'over there'. I wish everyone a Happy New Year and hope you are able to keep in touch with your overseas' families and perhaps even plan a holiday out to see them in 2014.

That was such a nice reply. Thank you. I have tried to keep busy all day and spent some time crafting. The tears have dried up for the time being. I know I need to be positive it's just so hard sometimes. Thank you again. Gail

Gailjo is there any chance of you being able to visit for the birth of your grandchild? My daughter is in the US and I was lucky enough to be able to watch my granddaughter's birth and I stayed to help out for six weeks. Leaving them behind was very hard, but I have been back twice since. Otherwise we have to make do with Skype but once your grandchild is able to recognize you,it really is the next best thing to actually being with them. Our little one is nearly three now and knows how to call me on Skype all by herself! She carries me around on the iPad so I have seen the world from a new angle as we go in her Wendy house, or in the kitchen cupboards.

Like others have said, it is the only way I know of being a grandparent. It is frustrating at times, and I long to hold her but am still able to read to her and play pretend games with her for which I am very grateful even though it is not how I had imagined it would be.

You are certainly not alone. Some people seem to be able to accept the situation more easily than others, but it takes some getting used to. I feel for you and wish you all the best.

Thank you for your reply. I joined the forum for support and to chat to people who understand. It's nice to know you are not alone ��

JessM You have just the feelings as me! That's two of us then! It's lovely when our offspring get together, even when we aren't there and miles away. It's Sound of Music and some knitting for me on this awful rainy day. OH has offered to make a cup of tea. Sounds ordinary, but trying to extract the maximum pleasure out of little things, which can be difficult at times. Christmas & New Year can be emotional times, can't they?

Ffinn.... Yes, definately I am, thoughts ran ahead of me there . We are so very lucky.

Natsnan Very sad news indeed.

I couldn't agree more with your last sentence. Well said.

(Although I wouldn't say 'must' - I'd say "I am" instead)

Gailjo It's very hard when they first go, and I understand how sad you're feeling. You'll find your way with it in time, I'm sure. As Jess said, it can be a hard row to hoe, and taking the gardening analogy further, seeds planted now will develop and produce good results.

Feeling very down today. We really missed our DS and his family at Christmas ( they are is Australia) even though we were able to FaceTime them. I just missed seeing our GS face when he opened our presents, ( they wanted us to send money this year) although I did send a small gift we didn't see him open it. Then they have posted pics on Facebook about their new year celebrations which made me feel worse. I know they are happy and I am so thankful it has all worked out well for them, but I can't help missing them . It has got easier but at this time of year it is still so hard. We are such a small family that 3people make a huge difference.

Then yesterday my DD rang in tears - a very close friend of hers had passed away on Christmas Eve. So very sad, she left two small boys and DD was inconsolable. That put everything into perspective for me; we are so lucky to have our DS and DD and grandchildren no matter where they are and I must be so grateful they are happy and healthy and enjoying their lives.

My daughter and son in law are going back to New Zealand in a couple of days. My daughter is 8 weeks pregnant with my first grandchild and I am heartbroken. I stupidly had this rose tinted view of what it was going to be like to be a grandma never thinking I would be a Face Time grandma. Please tell me these feelings will go away and it will get better. Gail

Yes granulated lots of practice and just when I think i have it sussed... bit antsy over the last few days with anxiety in the background during waking hours but niggling away and impairing sleep when defences down (e.g. waking in the night)
However they are having a lovely Christmas with both sons together and then DS1 having his friends there from UK for a visit. GD champion chatterer - we spent about half an hour working on our drawing of cats and dragons (exchanging tips) and then i sent her links of birds I had seen recently.

JessM loved your ideas on coping and I think I do some of the same - picture books, action rhymes and puppets on Skype and I can echo the 'not thinking about them' way of coping. (Not easy to do sometimes, but it was always thus during my offsprings' time at University, so should be well trained by now.) On with the day.......

Facebook can make MY day too. Sorry Rockgran to hear the boys have been unwell and I know all too well, that helpless feeling of not being near enough to help - we are so lucky to have all this modern technology, definitely. When my cousin emigrated to Aus, back in the early 70s, we were so sad that we might never see her again. She has been over to the UK a number of times since then and we email regularly and sometimes even Skype.
Happy New Year!

Oh how sad - yes we are much luckier now. One Facebook message can make my day!

Have just spoken to my daughter in New Zealand on Skype and am feeling fairly thrilled that the technology exists so that I can both see and hear her in real time. We are so fortunate.
When my uncle moved to Australia in the sixties I remember my Nana's anguish at the prospect of never seeing her son again - and she never did; she died ten years after he left and shortly before his first planned visit home.

Thanks, bellasnana.

rockgran so glad you have had better news. Happy New Year to you too.

Oh, just had a message to say they are much better - so now I feel better too! Happy New Year !

Now I know why things had gone a bit quiet on Facebook, the boys have been ill since Christmas Day - not sure what yet - but they were obviously too busy for chit chat. Just wish I could babysit and give them a break. Feeling helpless but relieved it's not worse.

Yes, thank goodness for good friends, who unfortunately, all seem to have been occupied over this festive period! I also feel that it is best to keep a distance from close knit families with grandchildren nearby, as it just rubs salt into the wound - not that I would completely rule out meeting up with them. Likewise blogs on cosy family get-togethers are a no-no, as ffinnochio mentioned earlier.

I am lucky to have hobbies and interests and committee positions which normally keep me interested and I have some lovely friends without families who are always in the background. It's just this Christmas/New year lull which has gotten to me this year.

Friends dropping by soon; a phone call or two to make to meet up with others....planning a trip out to see the Grandkids in the spring, and back on the diet today.

OH tries to keep it all in perspective for me, if he can keep himself away from the computer for long enough....that must be a blog on another Gransnet thread!

ps the time difference is a nuisance DGS is either going to bed or rushing off to school when we phone; Facebook is good at keeping up-to-date with what they are up to (DD2 is over there as well!)

I have one DGD who lives in Australia and more GC in the UK. The overseas one was born there, is an Aussie, so we haven't known any different. Now he's nearly 6 it is easier to have a phone conversation with him (skype is hopeless where they live), and in fact we have seen a lot of him but in more concentrated doses - either they come here or we are lucky enough to go there for an extended period. Hope it works out well for you, Frances, I would suggest trying to make the trip as often as possible (annually if you can)

not an easy row to hoe is it. My Gn prize of some xmas picture books came in handy this morning as it lured GS onto Skype to listen. (the pooping dinosaur one is scary - it eats not only the stereotyped granny but also mum, dad and horror of horror, the pets!). He is reluctant Skyper and his dad is not much better. I try not to worry despite the fact that both sons have major health issues lurking in the background - worrying is a horrible feeling and I have more or less learned the knack of not thinking about them most of the time

...and yes, it can be hard to remain upbeat. No kids, grandkids or any family members around is grim at times. Thank goodness for the many good friends where I've made my home.