Being a long distance granny

I have two grand daughters ( beautiful of course) who live in Guyana. We get to see them about once a year but see them on Skype. It saddens me to know that I will never have the close relationship that I have with my other two UK grandchildren whom I look after once a fortnight, I remind myself that our Guyana GDs make my son very happy and that is what counts.

Just recently my son told his 3 year old that as a reward for her eating all her dinner he would send a photo of her empty plate to show us. We use 'thumbs up' to acknowledge good behaviour with our 4 year old grandson, so I quickly took a picture of 'Grandpa' giving thumbs up and sent it straight back ( iPads do come in handy). This went down really well with our GD and we have repeated this a number of times with our son just sending an email about an empty plate now. Our GD will dance around for some time very excited at getting a thumbs up.

I hope we will be able to establish other little things like this in future. But as with other contributors reading stories and singing songs is great with little ones. I also send them a postcard of where ever we go even if it is just a day trip.

rockgran I find it does get better, or rather, I get used to it. I'm glad you're finding a way with it.

My relationship with my son and family has evolved because of the distance involved and arrival of the grandchildren. I wouldn't say it's worse or better, just different. I know he misses his home country quite a bit at times, and I do, too - so we have a little chat about being ex-pats and then move on. As long as he and his family continue to be happy...........

Like others on here I see too little of my two grandaughters due to geographic and work limitations but not an hour goes by without me thinking of them and what they might be up to. I live for them. Long distance grandparenting is difficult and emotional.

Mine have now been gone three weeks and I am pathetically grateful for the smallest item of contact on Facebook. If I don't see any action for a while I panic that they are having a crisis. Then I see some innocuous facebook update and realise they were just busy enjoying their new life! When they post any photos of the children I am in heaven for a few hours.
Having said that it is getting better..... I think.

So enjoyed your comments. Mine are a little different. We returned to UK 14 years ago, and in the years that followed became grandparents x 4. We came to visit every year but finances dictated hat this could not be sustained. After my husband had cancer (thankfully all is now well) our daughter and son in law asked us to move back to live with them, so their children, in their words ' could have the same relationship with us as they do'. Last year we moved, sold up our home for the third time and moved 6000 miles. We arrived and after a few days it became apparent that the relationship we had was now changed and we were to just get on with life, as we were not on holiday any more. This means in reality that we know far less about the life of our daughter than when we lived 6000 miles away. We live on the property, but unless we make the effort do not see her. The shining light in all of this is the closeness we have now with our boys (8 and 5) I do homework with the eldest twice a week and fill up the slack where needed at other times. Whilst I love the closer relationship with the boys I feel so lonely at times, even though I have set up a craft group and met some other grannies. I sometimes think life would have been smoother if I had kept the illusions of closeness by staying in UK. Still if the truth be known I was probably looking thru rose tinted glasses before. So my message is that the grass is not always greener on the other side so think long and hard before making any life changes in your twlight years.

Skype, Facebook (where all the latest pics appear!) - don't know what I
would do without them. It's difficult sometimes catching them in Brisbane
because of the time difference. but even if it's just a little snapshot of
their lives it's worth sooo much.

Presents - I still send a few bits by mail, just so they have something
to unwrap. Another good way is buying via an Aus site like Big W or
Target. Quick delivery and very little postage.

Thinking of spending longer over there through house swaps is another
plan. Anything to see more of them!

Post to Pengran. X

So sorry you are feeling bereft. We went through the same 3 years ago. Totally unexpected DS and DiL came back in June and are now expecting. Maybe things will change for you too.x

I get that too, pengran, it's the little things. I found a drawing my grandson had done- the tears are very near the surface. Today we did a FaceTime with my son which made me feel a lot better. Still haven't seen the grandchildren as it would be a bit unsettling for them (only been gone a week) but it was nice to make real contact. I tried to be upbeat and chirpy as I don't want him to worry about us. Being a parent is all about letting go - the hardest thing in the world!

So sorry to hear that, pengran. It's early days for you so you are bound to be feeling fragile. Hope tomorrow will be a better day for you.

I've had a bad day today too. I found some things my daughter left behind. Silly things like a lost glove. It set me off again. I feel a bit better now, but the emotions are raw under the surface.

Further to yesterday's post when I was feeling really down - today I have felt quite good and positive again. I guess it takes time.

My sympathies, pengran. Actually I've had a bad few hours today - a bit like a panic attack. I know it's a kind of grief but it takes me by surprise sometimes and I just start crying. Goodness knows how people used to manage when their loved ones left on sailing ships bound for the new world. I shall have to pull myself together.

My daughter and her husband emigrated last week to Australia. No grandchildren yet. Its been a tough week with lots of tears. Husband and I are trying to keep busy with lots of projects and plans for future visits. We plan to skype and hope that will help with the loss. It has been very comforting reading all the messages and I know time will help.

Thanks, CrazyGrannieB, we are hoping to use facetime which is similar to skype but I'm waiting till they feel ready as I don't want to unsettle the children. No doubt we'll settle into a routine eventually. (Still feeling a bit tearful most days, though.)

Skype is great when they can't speak to you on the phone and it helps them to remember you.Now our granddaughter is 6 we have phone calls which are great, though she does whisper when she wants to tell me a secret! Sometimes I have the urge to see her but a call helps. Visits are so valuable and avoid those lucky enough to see their grandchildren every week when you are feeling a long way away. BUT most of all enjoy any contact you have.

Good to hear your family have arrived safely, rock, along with happy pictures!
Quite agree about FB. I had lovely funny pics. of my grandchildren all dressed up for Halloween - as American as apple-pie. Not my thing - but how happy the children looked!

Thanks finocchio, I'm still feeling positive. Thanks to Facebook we have already seen pictures of their new home in the Falklands and the children looking very excited and happy. Say what you will about Facebook it has really been a lifeline while they sort out other communications - and it is free!

Great news, rockgran. Hope the good feeling lasts ...... and lasts.

Must be a very long journey rockgran - no international airports there.
hespian make sure you don't run yourself ragged trying to do a perfect christmas - the important thing is to enjoy seeing them and let them enjoy your company.

Further to my posts about my son going to the Falklands - I have just heard that they have arrived. They were delayed for some time and I have been going mad waiting for news. My relief at their safe arrival outweighs my missing them at the moment. No doubt that will kick in later but right now I am very happy!

I'm with your granddaughter on that one. We have our new granddaughter coming to meet us for the first time at Christmas and I can't wait to give her that cuddle. Trying to put the thought that they will go back to Australia on 2nd January out of my head. I am almost afraid to get to know her as I know it will be a very empty house when they leave.

I live in California, having moved here with 2 children many years ago. The tables turned somewhat when my son and his wife moved to Cape Town where they have had 3 girls. It's a good life for them, good schools etc, but SO far away. I do my best to keep in touch, monthly parcels, cards, Skype etc. I try to visit at least once a year, but, as the saying goes, visitors, like fish go off after 3 days,so staying for a month or so is really too much for all concerned. I used to feel the same when my in laws visited us..
We were really fortunate this summer when they came and spent a month with us. Upon leaving, the oldest granddaughter said, 'it should be against the law for families to live on different continents'. Out of the mouth of babes!

Thanks, Gorki.

You will be surprised how quickly the year goes if you keep yourself busy and how interesting it will be to go to the Falklands Have another glass of