Being a long distance granny

My daughter, husband and two grandchildren 5 and 7 have lived in Sydney now for 12,years, it has been heartbreaking for me especially, but the only consolation was that they were happy and healthy. My daughter has contacted us to say her husband is leaving her and they only rent their home, she doesn't work at the moment, but living on her own with young children is going to be very difficult. We are in our 70s and now in poor health and I'm desperate as how to advise her as we have no idea of family law or financial support she could get in Australia. Is there anyone out there that has been in our position with any knowledge or advice that may help us. Many thanks.

Understand how you feel. We are very blessed to be able to visit our grandson (and son of course) several times a year and I try not to get too sad about the distance but wish we could just pop in sometimes! Where do you live in the UK and where in Cal are your grandchildren? Mine is in LA and I live in Gerrards Cross.

My grandkids live in California, now aged one and three and a half. They were born there, so had to plan first trip for about three weeks after due date. Hard not to be there within a day or two of the birth tho'. Now Skype once a week which has meant we are probably more in touch than if they lived in the UK. Try and see them two or three times a year, and because it is for at least a week at a time, we have a greater awareness of every facet of their lives during that period. I read stories to them using Skype, which is lovely. In the early days it was hard to hold their attention, but now the oldest is three, he is much chattier and busy showing us things. Hardest bit was when he recently tried to hug the iPad!
I try not to think about what we are missing and focus instead on the positives. The other grandparents are very involved, and lovely people, but I do feel a bit jealous of them.

Ffin As you know I'm seeing a reasonable amount of my American DGCs this year and I am seeing them later this week but I'm already thinking that when we go home in 10 days time it might be nearly another year before I see them and DS and DiL again.
I think things like 4th July emphasise the way their lives are different, maybe.
But what we can't change we have to gracefully accept, don't we.
for you and everyone missing their families today.

There are days, such as this, that being a long distance grandparent just plain stinks! Rational thinking has flown out the window. Nothing has happened, all are well and happy. It's just such a long time since I've seen them all and am feeling thoroughly pissed-off.

Just needed to get that out of my system.

So it's dig deep and back to the ah well's and ho-hum's and be thankful attitude.

Time for a reset button.

As you were.

PS
When my gc was small, I had a basket of farm animals, which he used to ask for. We 'played' with them, counting, naming etc.

Update:
Re: presents, it's easy to send stuff to the USA. Set up your account on Amazon.com and have it mailed direct to you family. You can indicate that it is a gift, so that the invoice is not enclosed. When you gc s are a bit older you can ask them what they would like. I knit for mine, and now he chooses the colour and style!!
Skype can be tricky at times due to time differences. Go and visit if you can, then you will get to know their friends, locality, school etc which will give you things to chat about. Young children don't always want to talk, so don't make a big thing of it when they don't! Maybe they can go and make some Lego or draw or paint and bring it to show you.
It's great when my DIL sends videos of school concerts, swimming etc.
At the end of the day it's not easy, but our sons and daughters have to make their own lives.....and we must smile and get on with it !!!

Just found this thread and enjoyed reading some of your experiences and ideas. My DD and her partner sold their house and bought a motorhome and with my gorgeous Grandsons (5 and 7 when they left) took off on a year's tour of Europe and Morocco.
I tried to hold back the tears as they drove away in January, telling myself it's not really that far - and we had planned to go out and meet them in Spain in March or April. Deep down though I doubted that they'd ever come back and settle to life as it was here - and I think that's likely to prove true.
They are having amazing experiences, drove quickly through a very cold France, through Spain and found the sun in Morocco. It's easier and harder than I expected, the first few weeks I had constant a gnawing sensation in the pit of my stomache and felt anxious if we went a few days without a message or FB post. That couldn't, and hasn't, lasted and I have sort of got used to it and really look forward to messages, photos, the odd phone call and her blog.
We did met up with them in Spain and had the joy of seeing the Alhambra Palace with them at the end of March. We'll try and make it to wherever they are in September. As they have no permanent address sending anything isn't possible and of course they are very short of space. I also think that if they can possibly afford it they'll settle on a finca in Spain and that's where they'll stay. I know it's not the US or even further Australia but it's too far for them to be involved in family celebration etc, etc and I feel sad that they and my 2 younger grandchildren will never be as close as might have been. But as some of you have said, they are happy, living the kind of life they choose and I love them all dearly.
If you're interested she writes about their experiences at www.themuckyroot.com with some stunning photos

Love the idea of same toys SaracensGirl am going to knit/sew something I think. My newest Grandbaby is in Holland, and my son paid for my first visit in April when he was two days old which was lovely, & I do get a tad jealous when I see other people holding him etc. But, am off there at the end of June and looking forward for a few days of smiles now he will be 10 weeks! I did demand daily update photos so I get sent WhatsApp photos on my iphone, which is lovely.
My Son pointed out that it is almost as quick to get to them in Edam as it is to get to my Daughter's in Tooting from where we live, but I can see I will have to get more work to pay for regular trips.

I haven't yet (nor think that I want to) read the same book/have a scent or song that my grandchildren have so that there is some kind of imprinting on them. At aged 7, 5 and 1, they (the 5 & 7 year olds ) are far too busy and active fetching and carrying and showing and telling and chatting. I learn a lot about them that way The 1 year old potters around and takes no notice at all. If coerced by her parents, she will wave a bye-bye. All perfectly normal.
The interaction I have with them all is very in the moment. I'm happy with that.
They know who I am (not sure about the one year old yet and I have lots of fun getting to know them as they grow.

Some of you have such good ideas - imprinting scents, sounds and visions in the form of identical soft toys on the little ones is a great idea. And reading to them on skype whilst looking at the same book. Seeing them wandering around in the background while you chat to their parents.

Long distance relationships are so much easier nowadays. I left my family in NZ for the OE back in the 60s, married and had my children here. Back then the only contact was a fortnightly aerogramme as telephoning was prohibitively expensive as were plane fares. I visited about every 8 years. I used to send lots of photos. As long as I know my family is well and happy, I am happy. Skype is wonderful, I only wish it had existed when my parents were alive.

Imprinting on your GC. I'm the one who moved away- many years ago, from the US to England. So now I have 2 lovely GG - toddlers, and in addition to my DD having many photos of me in their home, and Skype, it occurred to me that when people talk about very powerful memory triggers it is always the smell of a person and slightly less so, a particular song that that brings them right back to a certain time, place and person. As I wanted something unusual and the fact that I was a teen in the 60's, I chose patchouli fragrance. Every time I am with my grandchildren, I spray a light dose on. My DD and DSIL roll their eyes but understand why I'm wearing it. And as the eldest is only two, we are still picking a song. But I'm hopeful that these two things will bring me right back to them long after I'm gone. (Both after visits as well as eternal rest!)

I too contributed a couple of years. My news is more positive. My son and family are moving from Guyan to Barbados. This will mKe our live SO much easier. It is easier to get to, safer to move around, we can drive there and. Oh I could go on for ages. So, ok they are not moving back to the UK but we will be seeing more of them so we are happy for that!
For the past two years we have been meeting up with them for two weeks in Florida - a great place for family get togethers. I have to say I will miss my trips to the outlet centre!!!

In October 2013 this was the first thread i ever posted on as I had been feeling a bit down about having our only DGD living in the USA, a long way from us in Malta.

Well, I am a long distance nana no more. Unfortunately, our DD2 has divorced her very nice American husband and come back to live in Malta. At present, she and DGD are living with us so, although we are very sad that they have split up, the joy of having DGD (now aged 4) with us is indescribable.

I have found a lot of support here on Gransnet and to think it would never have happened without this thread.

and (((hugs))) to all of you who are missing your grandchildren, I do know how it feels.

Reading this has made me realize how lucky I am. When my granddaughter was born three and a bit years ago, I found it hard that we lived 132 miles away. Now I can see how lucky I am. It only takes two and a half hours down the motorway or slightly less by train and I can be with her. It also means I can help out with child care. It would, of course, be perfect if they lived in the same town, but these posts have shown me how much harder it is for so many of you.

This thread is so wonderfully informative.
I have printed it all out to read through at my leisure. And to refer to.

I ve been reading to my grand daughter on Skype for nearly two years now, with copies of the same picture book in London and Seoul, and it works well. She looks at the book her mother is holding and I read to her, giving the text some 'wellie', sometimes pointing to something we both like on a page and sometimes asking her questions like 'Is this the Big Bad Mouse?' in The Gruffalo s Child, for example. A heart warming way to connect with a grandchild.

Oh lovely Gransnetters, I'm so glad to read some of these ideas. I will certainly buy identical cuddly toys and send stories and photos of them to grandchildren in LA. It's a brilliant and cheering way to share times with really little ones. My granchildren have been away for exactly a year now and I miss them a lot, but am finding online calls and visits do make things possible. I really take to heart Fid's wonderful thought that we should do our best to shrug off miseries about their location and instead rejoice in their very existence.
Thank you!

I have the BBC weather app on my iPad and I check the weather in their city to see what it's like walking to school for them. Only a little thing but I've done the school walk with them so I just imagine it's me doing it for a fleeting moment.

Fid A lovely, upbeat post . It was a pleasure to read.

I have 5 precious long-distance grandchildren. Two were born in Japan,but are currently and temporarily living in England and three live in Bali. My eldest granddaughter is soon going to University in Japan. I first saw her when she was eight months old and fell in love. In those earlier days we wrote letters,(me, mostly) and sent photographs. Now we have Skype. Wonderful. My eight year old in Bali plays ingenious games with me through this and reads funny jokes. I have been able to see them growing up. Admittedly, as the girls in Bali get older they are often attached to their Ipods/Ipads, but this is the time to make sure I am IT savvy and keep up-to date! We now can do instant messaging and whizz photos around!
The cost of Mail has rocketed, but I try to send "Small Packets" at Christmas and for Birthdays. I am always to be seen in shops holding objects in the palm of my hand testing their weight. The Jaqui Lawson website is wonderful for its cards and worth the small subscription.
Now I am retired I make an annual visit with a suitcase full of things like Headlice killer, low sodium salt and M&S knickers.
They like to visit in their Summer holidays, but this is not always on the cards, because, as time goes by, air-fares are becoming prohibitive for them. When they are here, nothing matters, housework can wait. I have found I can squeeze under beds and in cupboards for Hide and Seek, encountering,but ignoring the dust. Water play in the garden and in the bathroom has always been somewhat "over the top"!
Where your grandchildren ARE is not important, their very existence is all you need to focus on and let your heart fill with joy!

I also love your idea. We have a monkey which stays by the computer and we use it to try to engage our one year old grand-daughter when on FaceTime. I think we will start to take "Monkey" out and about with us. We send postcards when we are away but in future we will make our own - featuring Monkey! Thank you so much for sharing your idea. It is SOOO hard being so far away.

What a lovely idea SaracensGirl. I like your GN name too.

I have a 3 year old grandson in Singapore and another one due in a months time. We have FaceTime every Sunday and see them once a year but it will be hard when the baby is born knowing I won't get that first cuddle for months.
Last time I saw the three year old I bought 2 identical giraffe soft toys,one for him and one for me. I take photos of my one (Jeffrey) wherever I go and write a short story around Jeffrey's week with photos of him at the checkout at Tesco, looking at cows in a field etc. and email it off. My grandson with the help of his mum does the same with his giraffe (Joshua) and sends me lovely photos of them both enjoying life on the other side of the world. At Christmas they are all coming over and the giraffes will be reunited and have some adventures together!
It does help reduce the feeling of being an absent grandparent. When we have our weekly Facetimes the first thing my grandson says is "where's Jeffrey?"