very bad babysitting experience

When my grandson stays I get him ready for bed and I get ready for bed too. I get in bed with him and pretend to go to sleep he soon nods off and then i go downstairs to watch telly. (Sometimes I nod off too.)

Recently, when 7 year old GS was staying over, he was still awake at 11.pm, as he had a bad cough. I said I would sit on the bed by him until he fell asleep. He tossed and turned, and coughed, and finally said, "I'm sorry if I'm wasting your time, granny." I could have cried, but I told him that no time spent with him was ever a waste. He soon fell asleep after that.

Thistle so glad to hear of your good discussion with DIL and positive outcome.
P.S. When I babysat for my neighbour's breast fed children(now 2 and 4)she always left bottle of expressed milk in frig.which I could warm up if necessary.

Thistle - lovely that you've managed a decent discussion of the problem and the outcome was good.
I'm surprised to realise that I haven't often 'babysat' my grandchildren in the usual sense of going to their house to look after them, except in emergencies. However, the children have been regular guests at my house since birth; firstly coming with their mother and then (frequently) without. When she was still breastfeeding my daughter would express milk and leave it in the fridge here and I have my own supply of everything the babies/children might need. We love having the grandchildren to stay and they, and we, regard it as a treat to be together. They have a very settled routine when they're here and I believe they really do regard our house as a second home. They're moving soon and will be much further away, so their new house has a 'granny annexe' and we're already planning to have our grandchildren here for holidays in half term.

Thank you for reminding me Maniac, I do feel so much for the GNs who have no contact with their GC. My heart goes out to them.
Perhaps you missed my post about the good dialogue I have had with my DIL. She and I discussed the problem in a very good way and there is going to be an effort to wean DGD off her reliance of the breast and bedtime, which will make things easier for us to do the babysitting in the future. We are all still good friends.

Thistle do spare a thought for those GNs who would give anything to be allowed to babysit their GCs however difficult the experience.
Do be careful what you say to DS and DIL or you may find you become one of the GNs denied all contact.
A diplomatic dialogue is necessary.

I don't mind the babysitting but get a bit cross about the little bedtime rituals that I am not privy to. Some things have to be done in a certain order and a certain number of stories are to be read. GD2 was having trouble settling on Saturday night and her elder sister said "just put a disc with some Disney music on the player" I went back five minutes later and she was asleep. I would never have chosen that kind of music, probably Mozart but there you go, no accounting for kids taste.

I have babysat my three DGC since they were just weeks old and never at their house always at mine. They have always known my house as "their" second home so staying with us is second nature. When I was a child I loved staying with my grandma and grandad (we would have spent our lives there if we could) I remember every lovely, warm, comforting cuddle they gave me.

I could count on one hand the amount of times my parents babysat for me and as a very young mum I could have really done with the odd night out. They always made such a song and dance over it so I gave up asking. I vowed I would never be tlike that with my own grandchildren and I am not.

My DGS is still breastfed but he takes the bottle and when I do babysit in the evening it is always after he has had his bedtime routine and his parents are home by 10.30 so if he does want his Mum she is around. There has been the odd occasion when I've had to give him a bottle before he drops off again.

It was obv difficult for you to refuse to babysit when your DS hadn't been out in the evening with his wife for 17 months (and that's where the problem began imo because by gradually getting the baby used to not having his Mum on tap would have helped enormously) and they shouldn't blame you for not wanting to do it again until the toddler is in a routine, which by the sounds of it might not be for a long time.

However, in order to keep the peace perhaps suggest that you would babysit as long as it was AFTER the children had gone to bed and were settled and that their parents were home BEFORE midnight, which is not unreasonable, I don't think. Then they at least have time together as a couple and you won't be stressed out by an unmanageable child.

Teletubbies! Had to google it!

Yes, thank goodness for Mr Tumble and (the latest favourite) Tinky Winky and chums! Can't think what they're called

GS2 (11 months) has really seen very little of me and at the moment is screaming at any suggestion that he should be left with me. I had to babysit one afternoon and as usual he went into complete meltdown (he was supposed to be having lunch) So I stopped lunch, sat him on my lap, switched on Ballymory and gave him a running commentary on the whole programme. He settled down into a near trance and we had a nice cuddle for half an hour after which I suggested lunch again. We were just finishing a peaceful meal when Daddy came home again (I didn't tell him how much of his "schedule" had been disregarded)

Glad you managed to have a good conversation with your DiL. I'm sure you'll keep lines of communication open and laugh about 'that night' in years to come.

JOlly good news Thisteldoo....so glad its all sorting itself out.

I have come to this a bit late, and I can see that, once again, GNetters have proved a tower of strength. GN at its very, very best! What would we do without it?!

Once again thank all for your input and advice, you all gave me the confidence to speak to DIL and explain my side of the story, and how distressing it was for baby and me. I want to remain an ok MIL, with a good relationship with my DIL. Oil poured on troubled waters thanks to GNetters.

thistle - you have reminded me of a certain guru who liked to say that all problems exist in the absence of a good conversation.
You've had that conversation -well done

Well done thistle - it sounds as though you have turned round something negative into a positive opportunity - result!

DS1 weaned himself at 7 months which was very convenient. He always went to sleep quickly, but we often got home to find that he had woken up and spent time being sociable with the sitter, then had gone back down without grousing. Strange child!

I had a go at this when DGS was 11mnths old. SIL had to go abroad leaving DD on shift work. DGS has always been a very light sleeper with trouble going off to sleep, as I understand did his Dad.

I took him out in his pram when he was 4mnths he was very quiet but it took him 20 minutes until he actually fell asleep. Mine would have taken about 5.

DD has always fed him to sleep.

I did the full bedtime routine we had a lovely bath time, a story, and he was very happy until I put him in his grow bag. I risked leaving him to it and he wound down crying for about 15 to 20 mins and you could hear him go from very cross cry, to that tired baby whinging noise. In the end he slept OK.
Same with an afternoon nap except the Sunday afternoon when all the neighbours were mowing lawns outside his window. I do suggest to DD she is going to have to be firmer. He is old enough now to "play up."

thistle I have been there with my DS children who have no bed time routine.
DD and DIl had to be away over night, the youngest who will not allow his Mum to even leave the room and was not used to having anyone babysit him. I never slept a wink with the youngest and when he eventually exhausted fell asleep at 5.30am his older brother who is an early riser got up so I had no sleep at all, took me two days to get over it.

My DD breast fed both of hers and would not let them fall asleep on the breast they had to be put down awake and allowed to fall asleep alone. I know which of the two are easier to babysit but you have to go with the routine (or non) the parents have established.

That's good to hear, thistle. She sounds like a nice woman.

Well proud to admit I made that call to DIL, and said I was sorry if I came over as the wicked witch of the West, but the upshot of it all is, we had a very long and meaningful conversation about the pros and cons of breast feeding DGD especially at night. She admitted that the toddler is unable to fall asleep without this comforter, therefore will not be having any nights out until things are a bit easier. DIL also said she was sorry that our night was so distressing. We ended our conversation really well, and I feel a great sense of relief knowing that I haven't upset the applecart. BUT will have to try harder in future to be a bit more tactful.
Seems I haven't been sacked from my duties.

As a parent (back in the old days) I saw it as my duty to have baby/child 'trained' up to cope with any baby minding events. admittedly they were few and far between.
Its just no good playing the old guilt card......'oh dear we've not been out once since etc' unless you have put some planning in to it.
Thus Mum and Dad need to have a plan B to use when they are not around and to ensure the babysitter has strategies they can use.
I can always remember planning actually stopping breast feeding my second baby so that we would be able to go away over night about 8 months, instead of the planned 9 months, after she was born. We had about 4 months notice for an unrepeatable special occasion and as my Mum kindly offered to stay the night I had the 4 year old and the baby geared up to cope without me.

Thisteldoo you sound marvellous for trying, you have every right to expect your DS and his wife to sort things out for any future events!! Do not feel guilty!!!

There is a tricky evening babysitting, and then there is the impossible.

Grandparents can do a lot, but not work magic. You can't make bricks without straw, or comfort a baby whose parents have vanished, without his usual fix.