Still finding it hard.....

My soontobe does not seem to be soon either xx

I have to see him at a contact centre , we are not allowed at the foster carers home , when he first went into foster care I thought I would be allowed to visit at her home and that the hours could be upped etc

Was hoping I could bathe him and put him to bed , but no , they never told us why but it has to be at a contact centre - I assume due to concerns about an alcoholic being potentially unstable / doing irrational things so I do understand , we have to do whatever the rules are and my visit is part of my DD's visits ( she sees her son twice a week )

Tatters14 your DD's husband sounds evil , he is obviously the influence behind it all and wants to isolate her from her family to control her and get his claws into her , she must be going through some right hell and those poor kids , they do not deserve to be separated from their Grandparents and if your DD was thinking logically and clearly she would realise this

I hope she learns for herself soon that this guy is too manipulating and controlling and it all comes crashing down , she will NEED you then , she has to make her own mistakes , but once again it's the KIDS who suffer as well as those who LOVE them

I pray you are reunited ASAP!!!!! xx

This sounds a horrible and worrying situation tatters14 Changing the middle names as well as the surnames sounds completely wrong (and not something the girls will be happy about in the future) It is worrying that she seems so completely controlled by her husband, I wonder what will happen if she gets tired of his attitude? I don't think you will gain much at the moment by trying to contact them but do try and get news of them any way you can. You never know when they might need you if it all starts going wrong.

l know where your coming from ,my g.ds aged 8 and 10 have been taken away from me by my daughter and her new controlling husband .my daughter and l were very close but she changed last year ,and spoke to me like she hated me ,she moved 120 miles away .but l only know the area she moved to .she never invited me to her wedding . l since have only got to see the girls twice by my other daughter arranging it ,but l had conditions .ie no gifts or they will be thrown away etc my g.ds cried so much when i left them and held on to me .it broke my heart .,my daughter had just been married two mths when i heard their surnames had been changed to his ,plus their middle names too (they were called after my other daughter) , their own father saw them often before all this , but as he was not on the b.c he cant do anything l have now been told as my g.d s get too upset when they see me . her and her husband think its best i dont have anything more to do with them and to leave then to get on with their new life .as i am coursing them emotional stress . text or phone call get unanswered ,it is not only me ,the whole of the family and their real fathers family have been deleted from their lives ,.my g.d s had day to day contact with us all and are very close .my heart is broken ,l dont have a husband .to talk it over with .

Do your 2 hours a week have to be at a set time?
Could you do the bedtime routine sometimes?

My soontobe may be a little way off.
I am soontobe about several things in my life.

And my whole family to be honest!!!

I hope me and my GS are due some happiness soon!!!

Thank you so much jinglebellsfrocks - I agree! xx

''You need to stay well and happy so that you can enjoy the better times when they come''

We can cry with happiness as well as sadness too!!!!!!!!

And remember - you share a gene pool with him. The foster-carer doesn't.

Yes. Grandparents do get left out of the equation when children have to go into care. It must be hard, knowing that you have got a grandchild, and yet knowing that you, almost, can't really have him. But you must remember, he is still your grandson. He knows that.

You, and he, will come through this. There could well be happier times ahead. You are quite right when you say you must look after yourself, too. You need to stay well and happy so that you can enjoy the better times when they come.

Soontobe , he is 7 and has Autism xxx

I hope your name is true!

I think most of us at some point get so busy caring about others we FORGET or neglect caring for ourselves , especially as women I have to say! lol

''If I'm well he's well''

I have to concentrate on caring for myself first and from that solid place he WILL get the care he needs

It is my DD's illness which has triggered all this / caused this situation so she too has to BE well , become well and STAY WELL for her & my GS's sake

She is unwell and alcoholism is a hellish illness which causes pain to those around you , so ''my recovery'' is recovering from the hell and pain of the circumstances her illness has caused , her recovery is recovering from the illness itself hopefully for life although there is no ''cure'' just recovery x

There is a lot of support out there for her and she has to find her own way on that path of recovery eg who to mix with , who NOT to mix with but she has to make those decisions herself!!

I am going to keep my chin up and my focus positive and my once a week kisses from my GS keep me going!!! :-)

Thank you so much for your help and support - I needed to reach out as was suffering alone which makes it worse , so it's nice to feel supported in this as it is a lonely road xx

I will have a look / reach out on those other websites - I find there is a lot of help ( THANKFULLY! ) for alcoholics and their partners but not a specific support site for those with dear ones in care due to a family members alcoholism etc let alone parents of alcoholics as there are a lot of ''partner problems'' and the parents and Grandparents get left on the sidelines it seems :-(

How old is your gs?

It does put my mind at ease to know he is somewhere safe and looked after at all times

It is the pain which is hard to deal with as I have realised I am experiencing real GRIEF over this and grief can have a detrimental affect on our mind and bodies , so what do I have to do? TAKE CARE of my mind and body , it is the only solution for ME somehow

Keeping myself well is the only 'solution' for now and understanding how to deal , cope and find a way through the grief which I believe is SELF CARE or even SELF LOVE as it does start with me , everything starts with us in the end , so keeping myself well is VITAL in these difficult circumstances , it is the only way , the only way forward and am going to have a nice hot bath tonight and listen to some classical music , watch a bit of TV and sleep well hopefully

My GS would not want me to fall apart in all this in fact he needs me WELL as does my DD as I set the example ;-)

It is not a subject often ''talked about'' ie children in care and the real emotions involved for close family members - I feel I have just been ''left to it'' to deal with the deep pain of separation and real feelings of loss and sadness all by myself and I do not know anyone in similar circumstances but the best way to deal with things is by keeping myself well and remembering the happy times in those 2 hours we have every week which are precious and I am grateful for that

The fostering route is not ''totally ruled out'' which is the last thing SS said to me but they are just seeing how things go with my DD as they are looking to return him to her at some point

I need to keep myself well at all times ( I have learnt once again! For good this time hopefully ) as IF caring for my GS in any capacity I DO have to have time for myself eg when he is at school , get together with other people and do something nice , there is a group who meet during the day in a cafe and do sketching together and I LOVE drawing so that will be a nice ''something for me'' and there are other groups who meet up during the day for lunch or coffee mornings and even going out to the shops or doing anything nice for myself will be vital then too , putting myself and my health and well being FIRST and ''doing me'' as it were when I have some time to myself

Grief is a difficult thing to deal with but I have to get and be well and concentrate on that first and I reckon everything else will fall into place , me first , then others - I have to remind myself of that sometimes lol xx

I am very glad to hear that he has settled into his foster home. It must make you feel a lot better to know that he is happy and well cared for, and to know that he will be benefitting from being in a safe and caring environment.

I can understand your missing being able to tuck him up in bed sometimes. That is very sad.

Enjoy your two hours a week with him.

How absolutely dreadful for you. Would it be helpful to you to set up a group yourself for grandparents going through a similar situation? It might give you something positive to do and you'd be helping others as well. You could talk to the SW about it or just go ahead an d set up a Facebook page and get in touch with possible charities and organisations. I wouldn't think you're the only one in this situation.

I feel desperately sorry for you and can't imagine how hard it must be for you.
Grasping at straws, is there any chance that you might possibly be able to apply to be his foster carer? Surely he is better off with a loving grandparent than with strangers? I take your point that you don't want to unsettle him as he seems to have settled in well, nevertheless I would think he would be better if he could live with you. Do grandparents have any such rights?
I wish I could wave a magic wand and bring an end to this sad situation.
Sending you my heartfelt wishes for a speedy end to all this.

Hope you can find some support and comfort from the links flower and grannyk gave, nannynoo.

Hi nannynoo there is also Families Anonymous, they focus on the wider family not just the partner, and although their website says "drugs" (and alcohol after all is a powerful drug), I don't think it matters to them what the "substance" is. I see they have online forums. Maybe you will find some support here:

famanon.co.uk/forhttp://famanon.co.uk/forum/

Have you tried www.grandparents-association.org.uk nannynoo they offer support for all sorts of grandparenting problems such as those with grandchildren in care etc. Hope this helps.

If a support group existed, I presume that social services would know of one.

Failing that, they may know if there is any demand of one.
Or possibly could put you in touch with someone else in your situation in your area?

I would have a word with your gs's social worker, and see what he/she can come up with.

I have no words of wisdom I'm afraid just wanted to express sympathy for you in a very difficult situation and a large glass of