The things they say.......

I said to my friend recently that my granddaughter has an inset day at school. My friend said what's an insect day - she is 66!

Well at least she doesn't confuse ejaculate with eject as my late mother did!

Ha ha ! My mother reported that my nephew had an U descended tentacle

Undescended

DGD (just 3) struggling to put on her coat because the sleeves were inside out:

'Oh, oh, oh, please help, this coat won't put me in it'!

Looking after twin grandsons (6) after school. Whilst doing his homework, first grandson said 'we did P.E. this afternoon. What's P.E.?' I explained it means physical exercise, and he guessed that I don't do as much P.E. as he does. 'That's because I'm retired now - I don't go to school.' He shook his head 'no, it's because you've got a big tummy, that's how I know you don't do P.E.' Brother, sensing an opportunity for some mischief, wandered over to check my tummy.

First grandson whispered to his brother 'remember - we're not allowed to say fat.'

when they are so funny aren't they?

DD was just telling me about the time she took GS1 swimming. In the very penetrating voice they keep for these occasions he said "Oh look! There's a whole family of them!" "Them" was a black family. DD felt that if she went over and said that he had lots of coloured friends but they were all from mixed marriages and that her two god daughters are half Kenyan she would just be digging a bigger hole

DS (age 6): 'We learned all about contraception today'
Me and frantically trying to remember whether I'd seen any letter from the school about sex education: 'Really? And what did your teacher say?'
DS: 'It gets very warm'
Me: 'Really?'
DS: 'Yes, and it runs down the windows'
Me (racking my brain and trying to be nonchalant): 'Do you mean condensation?'
DS: 'Yes, contraception, that's what I said'

For years, my kids said soupcases, instead of suitcases. I didnt have the heart or inclination to correct them!

Many years ago when my DD tripped on the moors and feel backwards into a gorse bush (ouch ) she cried: "quick, get me the anti-hypnotist cream"

DGD, 3 years, coerced me into being the Wicked Queen to her Snow White this morning. I also had to be the 'Seven Warbs.' She gave me a picnic basket and instructed me to knock on the cottage door to bring her a shiny red apple. She whispered 'it'll make me poorly and send me to sleep cos it's got a pip in it.'

I did as I was told and we repeated her play ad nauseum, until I knocked once more on her cottage door and she shouted from the kitchen 'she's gone out!'

DGS2 age 4 has a speech delay. He is now starting to use language appropriately, but not always correctly, and it is still somewhat fractured. He was eating the dessert prepared by my DD which was a sort of trifle with fresh fruit in the bottom. He had enjoyed the creamy caramel top and when he reached the fruit he shuddered. "Mummy" he said, "it electrified me".

Quite a good description really, especially as it was accompanied by a shudder.

what is an inset day, DGD starting nursery soon so I will need to be clued up in the jargon

IN SErvice Training, for the staff. Holiday for the kids.

Hildaj That sounds very creative indeed to me.

GD 3 watching tv and couldn't hear because I was vacuuming said "peese stop mowing."

DGS is now 2yrs 8mnths is creating his own grammar rules. Playing with his toy lawn mower he had been "lawning" and he "bettered" his Daddy when his Dad had come home with a cold, and uses other similar expressions. I just love this stage of creative language use they go through.

One of my sons, years ago, described the slightly bent, noisy windscreen wipers on our car as 'windscreamers' a word we use to this day! The same boy when told I was checking for wax in his ears asked, "Whats a wac?"
We all still describe a 'noffy' nose when we have a cold. It definitely should be a real word as it is so descriptive!

This has appeared on Facebook. An essay on Grandparents by 8 year old. Priceless!

www.nymeta.co/kids-age-8-just-wrote-best-paper-ever-grandparents/