hello claire,,,i am a private maternity nurse,,i teach new mums how to look after their new born babies as soon as they come out of hospital, i arrive on the day that they come home, i live in and work 24/7......the first week i let mums rest, doing everything for the baby,,,but if she wants to get involved staright away,,,i show her all i know to have a contented baby, new mums are scared and they havent got a clue...but they dont want to look stupid,,,some new mums couldnt even pick the little ones up ,,,too scared, ! most of the times it was mainly their mums they were close too,,,not the mother in laws. i saw it all the times, i used to say to my client well when you feel ok,,,invite your mum in law round so she can have a nice cuddle with the baby,,,,,,i was the one who would pick the baby up and say to mum now if we have mummmys permission,,,and im sure we have,,,lets go and meet grandma,,,and i would put baby in grandmas arms,,,much to her delight.......i wuld say to the new mum come and help me make a cup of tea for granny,,,,( method in my madness ),,,,,,,i would linger in the kitchen keeping the new mum busy,,,and say to her,,,look i know how your feeling,,,but you may need your inlaw one day ...but its her sons bay too,,,,the new mum is always protective doesnt want anyone to hold the baby,,,,but when her freinds or work mates visited the baby used to get handed round !!!!! when the tea was ready,,,we would take it in i would take the baby off of granny and say,,ok let granny have a nice cup of tea,,,and i would lay the baby back in the cot, i could often see the look on the mums face of releif, quite often i would get,,,i dont get on with my mother in law,,,,sometimes i would see the resentment with their own mother,,,,,,my advice like all the other girls here,,,,say nothing, my children never even gave me a look in when their kidswere born,,,,i worked in a maternity hospital for years, they dont want our advice they dont want us to have a lot to do with their children only when it suits them like you say babysitting, my own grandkids are angels,,,,i try to spoil them rotten,,,but all i get is do that dont do thi s,,,,,,,no they cant go their,,,,,i get the time i can let them get in the pool and when they have to get out even,,,,what i can give them to eat and what i cant,,,,,i am controlled, i hate it,,,,so say nothing enjoy your baby sitting when you can,,,,,,i see it all the time,,,,mums want to do their own thing,,,,,hopefully when they are all grown up maybe im saying maybe,,,,,,we can tell them how their mothers were.......i wouldnt say anything to your son,,,,,cos that will be wrong too,,,,there is a lot of us in the same boat,,,,,,,,i cant take my daughters kids out in case i go somewhere she dont aprove,,,,but im ok to babysit,,,,,,best of luck,,,take a deep breath,,,sending you a hug,xx