Gransnet forums



(21 Posts)
over60plus Wed 11-Mar-15 05:10:09

We have a 26year old GD always taken an Interest in her when she was at university tried to support her phone calls ,text used to post her letters. She is now working never hear from her unless we make a point of traveling to see her. Her job is only a mile from our house when the weather was bad offered her a bed she refused. When we last caught up with her she walked in and said I don't want to talk about work. I am worried in case I have been to pushy with her

absent Wed 11-Mar-15 05:13:50

She's 26 –twenties are when you start pulling yourself together as an adult, often wrongly, but that's what happens to most people in that decade.

FlicketyB Wed 11-Mar-15 07:11:59

It sounds to me as if she has some serious problems at work and she is cutting herself off from her those most likely to see she has problems and ask her about them.

As Absent says she is just starting to pull herself together as an adult and she probably doesn't want to admit she has problems she cannot deal with.

Anya Wed 11-Mar-15 07:44:18

So talk about something else instead. It may not be a specific problem at work, but she may just be fed up with the job. We all felt like that sometimes.

Just let her talk about other things in her life and in yours. If she wants to talk she will eventually. Don't push her.

eanwhile just enjoy her company when she visits.

tanith Wed 11-Mar-15 12:05:55

When my daughters were in their 20's and now my grandchildren we saw less of them and knew less about what was going on with them because they were busy with work and their independent lives. Now the daughters are older and settled we are closer again... its just how the circle of life works. I wouldn't worry about it there will come a time when you are close again I'm sure.

soontobe Wed 11-Mar-15 12:18:02

It sounds like she has changed.

I agree with FlicketyB. She may have problems at work. What do her parents say?

I doubt that you have been/are pushy.

Nonnie Wed 11-Mar-15 13:16:02

Maybe that was just a bad day? Just keep communication open and don't pressure her. It may be that you show too great an interest in what she is doing and she cannot cope with that. Try to be led by her and it will probably be OK.

glammanana Wed 11-Mar-15 16:16:00

over60plus I came to the conclusion with my DCs specially the boys that they will let you know what they want you to know,don't take it personal as its a "twenty-something" thing they are just getting their lives on track and take any questioning as interfering which I'm sure you are not,just relax and she will tell you what she wants you to know in time.

PRINTMISS Thu 12-Mar-15 07:43:27

I agree with glammanana, just go with the flow, hopefully she will come to see and talk to you when she wants to, not because she feels she 'ought' to. Just enjoy the fact that you have a lovely grand daughter with whom you shared some happy times, and be glad that she has a job and can look after herself. Not everyone has the opportunity to do that.

over60plus Thu 19-Mar-15 18:50:14

You were so right, she is having major problems in her first teaching job called to see us and explained what was happening awful, she is off work with stress and depression and says she does not want to carry on with teaching, but she feels she as let people down. We have explained to her at the moment the world is a dark place but with help and support she needs from Doctors she will get past this and look back and think things aren't so bad, we have also said whatever she chooses to do she will always have our love and support, I text her each day and just say love you, she always rings me and we have a little chat taken at her pace. But thank you for your comments

J52 Thu 19-Mar-15 19:02:09

Sorry to hear of your GDs problems. In teaching it is often those who are dedicated to their work, who experience the most stress.
I hope she gets the support that she deserves from the professionals.
You can only be there for her, comfort her and listen, you sound like a lovely Granny.

I despair where teaching is heading and how many teachers will suffer in the process. flowers

soontobe Thu 19-Mar-15 19:05:09

I am sorry to hear that she is having problems. It sounds like you are handling it well for her.

loopylou Thu 19-Mar-15 19:33:29

She is so very lucky to have you Over60+.
I hope things improve quickly for her, she must be feeling very demoralised poor lass.

over60plus Thu 19-Mar-15 20:03:11

Thank you all so much, will let you know in the fullness of time.

over60plus Tue 24-Mar-15 22:11:37

Just a quick update she spent the day with us today (my birthday) went for a long walk and she really chatted looks better and making career plans talked very positive on what she wants to do, complete change of direction beenin touch with University advisor, went out for lunch so now we are both feeling more positive, thanks to you all for listening

Tegan Tue 24-Mar-15 22:26:12

My daughter has just left teaching even though she loves it and would love to go back to it. Maybe your grandaughter was unlucky and was working in a school where she wasn't being mentored well etc. Support for newly qualified teachers seems to vary so much from school to school [and even departments within those schools]. And the stupid thing about it is that it usually isn't the teaching that's a problem, but all the stuff that goes with it. Your grandaughter hasn't failed; it's the profession that has failed her sad.

Anya Tue 24-Mar-15 22:42:05

True, it's nkt the teaching itself but all the extras that come with it these days. Much worse too since these academies sprung up everywhere. There will be a serious shortage of teachers soon.

We've already seen problems filling posts for Maths and Science specialists, then MFL started finding it difficult to recruit. But when a school advertises for an English teacher and gets only one applicant (as has just happened near us) then something is truly rotten in the state of Denmark Horatio.

J52 Tue 24-Mar-15 23:39:56

There was a good programme on Radio 4, File on 4, on Sunday about teaching and the pressures on teachers.

Worth a listen, whether your a teacher, parent or GP. It made me feel very sad, as there was little or no mention of the real purpose of the teaching profession. It seams to be lost in a raft of paperwork, observation and monitoring.

As someone once said - no one grows by being continually measured.


PRINTMISS Wed 25-Mar-15 08:01:28

Our grand-daughter has been really sad recently, her boyfriend dumped her by text, and then continued to harass her and she was really very miserable, my daughter and son in law tried their hardest to help, but nothing seemed to be RIGHT, then off she went on a holiday with three friends for ten days, and yesterday, (she returned the day before) although it was her grand-mother's funeral, she absolutely sparkled - I know not the day to say that, but the difference was so marked it was like a different person, as if the light bulb had suddenly been replaced, so perhaps all things come right in the space of time. It is such a relief to have my lovely grand daughter back again.

Bez Wed 25-Mar-15 08:36:03

over60plus if your DGD has been teaching secondary age school it may be that she would be happier teaching a younger age group. When I began teaching I started with junior age children and then when we had moved house and I was about to take up a post in a new school the head rang and said would I consider teaching an Infant age class instead. I agreed to this and never looked back. Absolutely loved it - best decision I even made. Should she decide to go this route it would be good to find a supportive school with a good mentor. Even those many years ago I had a lovely woman who pointed me in the right direction and with how they did things etc. I wish her a happy future whatever she decides to do.

Anya Wed 25-Mar-15 08:42:19

I second that Bez