Do your DGC behave differently ?

Children always test those that they are closest to, he is testing his power over his Mum that's all it is unwittingly he is seeing how far he can go , pushing his boundaries all children will do this to some degree.

I wouldn't worry about it he will grow out of it when he's about 17

How strange! We have exactly the same with GD aged 3. We have her a couple of times a week, pick her up from nursery and sometimes overnight. She's an absolute angel for us but a 'nightmare' for her parents, throwing tantrums, not eating, all the usual stuff.

I think it's because we're not as emotionally involved, being one step removed (as it were) as grandoarents. I set my goalposts quite wide so not on to her about the little things, but very strict about important ones, such as holding hands near traffic. If she doesn't want to eat, then I give her dinner to the dog and she goes hungry, I don't get cross about it, so she can't get attention for not eating. Consequently she now eats most things with no fuss for us.

It's also because we've 'been there, done it, seen it all' before. Whereas the poor parent wants their child to be perfect, we just settle for OK.

Gosh I could have written the OP. Our 3 year old GS has always been a problem for his parents yet is good as gold when he's with us. I know it frustrates our DD though. GS has spent a lot of time with us including overnight stays. He has his wee routines and things that we always do. We do have boundaries and he seems to respect these. We don't negotiate with him which is something I sometimes see young parents doing. What Gran says goes in our house but we do have a lot of fun and treats too. He knows he's loved. Its also nice for him not to feel that he's a bad boy which he must feel a lot when he's at home.

My GS is like it at eighteen months old sometimes, and it's normal for all the reasons previously posted. It must be highly frustrating for the parents and does require high-level diplomacy from the grandparents!
He's a normal little boy , bless him.

I think Anya has the explanation:

^ If she doesn't want to eat, then I give her dinner to the dog and she goes hungry, I don't get cross about it, so she can't get attention for not eating. Consequently she now eats most things with no fuss for us. ^

DH and DiL are separated and he has his boys 2 days a week. They do things with him without a fuss but he takes them back to DiL and they have tantrums. He told me about an occasion when they asked for ice cream and he said 'no', which they simply accepted but when he took them back to her and they asked her and she said 'no' they threw tantrums and she bought them ice cream.

I think children learn from a very early age how to play people and know what they can get away with and use it readily. I remember one accassion when a 3 year old knew he was not allowed to open the packet of sweets, looked at me, looked at DH, looked back at me and then turn to DH and said "grandad.............................". He had worked out which was the softest touch!

I think it shows their intelligence when they push the boundaries.

It is always the same I think. Very frustrating for the parents. My GC know that when they are with us they have our undivided attention; at home Mum is up to eyes in other stuff. They sense this and behave accordingly.

In answer to the OP, yes, definitely!

My own children were also better behaved for their grandparents (even though I think that I was quite strict), so I try to keep that in mind and be supportive rather than judgmental when discussing these issues with son and dil, though it can be a fine line at times.

MY GS is a lovely boy but wraps his devoted parents around his little finger consequently meal times are a battle, bed times are a battle and homework is a battle - until he is here and his parents are not then all is tranquil and I don't have to threaten or cajole I juts calmly tell him how things are and he accepts them. DD says he does things for me but he is not happy about it!!!

Teetime: I notice you say that things are a battle "until he is here and his parents are not ...".

By that, do you mean that even when DGS is at yours, the battles continue if the parents are there? That's certainly the case with mine - the DGC can have been little angels all day long, but the minute one of the parents arrives to pick them up it's as if someone has flicked a switch. The tantrums, whining etc start instantly and they are then at their absolute worst until I push them all out of the door!

Oh yes MamaCaz I recognise that scenario!!!

I can relate to all of that. DGD, aged 3, is a little horror with DD but a little angel with DH and myself. DD keeps threatening to send her up to us for a week to be 'house trained'!

I can relate to all of that. DGD, aged 3, is a little horror with DD but a little angel with DH and myself. DD keeps threatening to send her up to us for a week to be 'house trained'!

Sorry. Double posted.

I wouldn't bother with that NotTooOld. I remember letting my eldest son spend a week with my parents, and my mother telling me when I went to collect him, and he started playing up "Well he was perfectly good until you turned up" So he may be "house trained" with you, but still a little horror for his mum.

Same here with GD- she knows just how to wind her mum up- but is a total delight with us, at school, other people's houses, etc. (now 5).

DD feels they behave for everyone else, including her partner of 6mths.

She's not a strict mum, she gives lots of cuddles and rewards good behaviour, believes in routine. I do feel for her.

Parenting to-day is too loose. Children are given too many choices and this confuses and angers them, hence bad behaviour to parents and not grandparents, who probably have stronger rules. I recently overheard a mother with a 6 month old baby in a restaurant asking it what it wanted,over and over in a silly I-do-so-want to be your friend voice. I felt like saying give him what he needs, you stupid woman.
This trend towards wanting your kid to be your friend is ridiclous.

I agree about too many choices. I do give my GC choices but think two is enough eg ham or cheese sandwich for lunch. Dinner the choice is to eat it or go hungry!

Just had a text from my DS informing me GD2 (mentioned in earlier post) is not coming to see me today as she's having a tantrum. She's a little love and as good as gold for us

I do think there is some truth in the idea that sometimes nowadays young children are given too many choices, and are reasoned with when they are to small to deal with it, rather than told what is right and wrong.

This seems to raise its head a lot at mealtimes I find - I just plonk the food in front of them and if they eat it they eat it - if not, there's no more till teatime. I also get mildly (and of course silently!) irritated when parents let them leave a pile of stuff on their plate and tell them they have "done very well" - what's that about?!

GD1 prone to hissy fits and full blown tantrums at home, never tried it at Grandma's. If she wheedles for something and I don't think it is appropriate I will tell her no and reiterate "at Grandma's no means no, it doesn't mean you whinge until I give in" Food choices are one of two "you may choose between these two items" but only when I am preparing dinner, lunch is take it or leave it. Snacks are treats like biscuits but only if fruit and a piece of cheese is taken too.
By the time a working mother gets to dinner time it must be tempting to give in and allow whatever makes for peace and quiet.

My little one aged 2 also has tantrums but if its over something silly like wanting the tv on when Ive said it stays off, then she screams. I just say 'ok, cry if you like, I don't mind', then pretend to ignore her and she soon stops crying and looks around for attention.
Of course if shes crying for a reason then she gets lots of cuddles. Luckily shes ok with her food at my house, I tend to give her too much so she always leaves some anyway.