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Things not as good as we thought

(15 Posts)
Gma2014 Sat 11-Apr-15 17:59:53

We thought all was going well until we found out our daughter doesn't like where we live so doesn't want to visit. She also does not want people coming to stay in their home. We live far from them so it doesn't leave much of an option when you'd like to spend time with the grandchild. This is all quite a shock and we don't know how to proceed. It has caused such a lot of anger.

Greenfinch Sat 11-Apr-15 18:07:54

Would it be possible for you to stay in a hotel /B&B near where your daughter lives for a few days ? Is she just making excuses ? They seem pretty feeble. Maybe you need to get at the root cause of her attitude. It must be very difficult for you

soontobe Sat 11-Apr-15 18:12:36

Meet at someone else's house? Days out in the car?
Awkward but doable, if both parties want it to happen.

Jane10 Sat 11-Apr-15 18:19:11

Gosh that does sound a bit odd. Is there something else going on? Presumably you've lived where you do for some time? What a shame. I do hope its maybe a storm in a teacup and she realises how unnecessarily upsetting this is for you (and the GCs too!) Good luck with this.

Ana Sat 11-Apr-15 18:22:02

I'm confused! Have you recently moved, Gma2014, in which case I'd have thought your daughter might have mentioned that she doesn't like the area sooner - or is it the family home she once lived in? confused

Maggiemaybe Sat 11-Apr-15 18:43:09

What is it that she says she doesn't like about where you live, Gma2014?

Coolgran65 Sat 11-Apr-15 18:58:11

Without knowing the background i.e. could DD be hormonal following birth of dgc. How was the relationship before dgc arrived?

It does sound as though DD is being 'difficult' - hard to tell without knowing the situation.

Certainly I would be most upset.

Ana Sat 11-Apr-15 19:06:05

I think we definitely need more information, otherwise it's just guess-work...

Gma2014 Sat 11-Apr-15 19:07:23

We have always been extremely close. She lives quite far from us now, in the same town with his family. She says coming to our house is boring. She frequently talk of the in laws and how wonderful they are and spends alot of time with them. That hurts especially when she doesn't want to visit us. She once felt Facetime was the way to go but now it takes too much time. I know we aren't the most exciting people around but we are her mom and dad. Guess we aren't good enough all of a sudden.

granjura Sat 11-Apr-15 19:27:20

Don't allow your hurt to spoil your relationship with the grand-children. Find a nice and comfy B&B or reasonable Hôtel and just go and stay there from time to time and enjoy those little ones... and don't worry about your pride. Easier said than done, I know, but the little ones are worth it flowers

whitewave Sat 11-Apr-15 19:36:19

How old is she Gma?

fluttERBY123 Sat 11-Apr-15 20:14:20

I wondered how old as well. Is she perhaps having a delayed rebellious phase? I would say paste on a smile and go for the B&B. It's important not to let any rift, as you see it, widen as you are so far away and if there is further anger it could get wider.

Wondering how you get on with the husband and the other grandparents. Living where DD does she will probably be needing their support.

granjura Sat 11-Apr-15 20:20:37

And when you book the B&B, having made sure dates are ok for them- say you totally understand about your place being boring and that it is a pain to host guests when you have small children, etc- make it sound as though you don't mind one little bit (and test those actress skills).

FarNorth Sat 11-Apr-15 23:38:05

It can be a pain to host when you have very small children (or even not-so-small ones) and can also be a pain to travel long distances with them.

Maybe your DD finds these things and the thought of them too much for her but somehow doesn't want to say so and feels that she has to make other excuses, such as that your home is 'boring'.

I agree with the previous posters - act as if you don't mind at all and arrange a time to suit your DD & SiL when you can stay in a B&B in their area.

(I always stay in a B&B when visiting my DGD as her parents have a very small flat. I also think it's good, for me and them, that this arrangement means we have spells of time away from each other during the few days visit.)

durhamjen Sat 11-Apr-15 23:46:47

We quite often stayed in Premier Inns, because the grandchildren could come in the bedroom with us and stay overnight. It meant their parents had time to themselves. Even if they had room, it was an adventure for the grandkids. Perhaps you could try that, rather than argue over it.
My husband was disabled, so going to a Premier Inn made it easier for us.
Of course, when we had the guest house in York, there was no problem with having family visit. Free bed and breakfast for them!