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The problems and pleasures of being a widowed grandparent ...

(9 Posts)
delilah Thu 28-May-15 18:50:30

Just wondering how many others of you share the particular experience of the delight of being with grandchildren and simultaneous anguish of having lost the partner without whom none of them would be here ... in other words looking round for someone with whom to share grandparenthood ...

ninathenana Fri 29-May-15 07:42:02

Are you new delilah ? If so I just wanted to welcome you as you haven't had any replies yet.
I can't comment on your post, as it doesn't apply to me. I do sympathise with your situation though.

bikergran Fri 29-May-15 08:04:29

Hi Delilah and welcome....I think many moons ago we had a similar thread about grandmas having to step into grandads shoes, due to either grandad being poorly or him not being here at all either through death or separation.

My GS granddad died 11 mnths ago and he does miss grandad, but grandad was poorly from day one of GS life, he seem to accept that, so he sort of grew up knowing grandad couldn't run around play etc with him, so Grandma had to step in smile grandma is an expert at Lego building, ball batting, mending bikes chains, helping with homework, (haven't quite mastered the football rules yet, and I really don't fancy fishing)! confused

We did used to have days out at the seaside and grandad would sit in the car or the odd time when he had his mobility scooter out, GS would be allowed to stand on the front.
I can understand your anguish, unfortunately we don't have a big family, no uncles about to sort of take over the role, but it's just something we have had to get used to, GS has his dad's side of the family where there are a few more males about, so at least GS has that when he is over that way.We have always made sure GS has chance of any activities, football, tag rugby,and to make sure he does the normal things that boys do. Hopw you enjoy Gnet and look forward to your posts smile

Falconbird Fri 29-May-15 08:49:49

Hello Deliah,

I echo everything Bikergran says.

I'm a gran to three grandchildren and it can be a wonderful joy but the joy is always tempered by the fact that your husband is no longer with you to share the happiness and the worries.

Last weekend I did an overnight babysit for two of the grandchildren and I sure missed my DH.

I think also that our grown up children feel awkward around their bereaved mum or dad and don't know how to be towards them.

There will be a lot of woman and I think maybe some men who have been in this position - I agree Deliah the word is "anguish."


rosesarered Fri 29-May-15 08:58:23

Welcome to the forum Delilah, I feel sorry for any grandma/grandad having to cope both with life generally and grandchildren specifically on their own.
Especially if they are newly not in that situation myself but can well imagine it.Also, as Falconbird says, when their own DC don't know how to react around their parent.It must be very hard.

Anya Fri 29-May-15 09:45:29

What a sad situation to be in Delilah

When I lost someone very dear to me I bought a diary with a page a day. Every night I wrote an account of my day for him. This was my way of sharing with him and included little details of my another grandchildren's funny ways, their first steps, words etc..

I found it very therapeutic and now looking back a lovely record of their growing up, so many little things I'd forgotten flowers.

trendygran Fri 29-May-15 17:16:59

I often feel upset that my late DH hardly knew my two elder granddaughters and did not know my two younger grandchildren at all.
He had just built up a lovely relationship with my eldest GD (then aged 3, now 10! ) when he died very suddenly. My other GD was only 11 months old so too young to remember him.
It's hard being a lone grandparent , as it is to be a widow .
I hope you will be able to see your grandchildren often, Delihlah, My two eldest live 300 miles away, so can rarely get to see them. Hard!

caroltheowl Wed 05-Aug-15 08:10:16

My husband died before any of my four grandchildren were born, but we keep him alive by talking about him a lot and telling the children funny stories about him. So much so that the GC seem to know him.
He was a lovely man and would have made a brilliant Grandpa, but I just try and do the best I can for both of us

Anya Wed 05-Aug-15 08:19:42

That's lovey Carol - though sad as well.