"Empty Nest Syndrome"...gra ndchildren this time not children!

I’ve often said to anyone who’ll listen “ why have I put myself through this again” As one by one of my eight grandchildren are growning away. I still have three little uns who stay over and I see a lot (somtimes too much) two stay overnight two night a week and most weekends but I know when the youngest reaches 13 or so (she’s 6 ) that’ll be it. When my 8yrs old grandson was telling me about his favourite car I asked him if he would take me shopping when I was too old to drive and he told me “No nanna I’ll be too busy” that’s probably true. By the time the 6 year old is fed up with us I’ll have had almost 50 years surrounded by children. All that effort, all that love, all the ensuing pain of them moving on. Will it have been worth it? You bet it has.

So sorry sorry Know lots if spelling mistakes . And I am so bad I do write long letters and write as I talk just to fast and the stop and think after sending it . Wow I should have checked it I can see my mistakes but I think who ever reads it will understand what I wa trying to say ..If you csnt best the. You have too join them old fashioned saying I know but thank god it works for me .x

Hi I am glad I have found this site . And realised I am not alone with my Empny nest S. I have 7 grandchildren and a 2 month old great grand child .. We all live close in same town. Had so much ti d with them when they were younger . But now like I have read on here they do get in with their lives as it should be . But got to say I do miss the. At times . Ages are from 12 to 26. But instead of not seeing them in person . I realised how much they are on face book instagram Twitter , meassages texts. . Well I learnt a few years ago . I have got to keep up with them. So I got my self into all of these sites now .. And now that Empny feeling I had is not so hard as I do all the Facebook Instagram and so on ..And if anyone of them contacts me as they do now After realising how I was feeling bless them. ( I used to do some thing with them every week. All 7 of them together ). Swimming. Cinema park picnic . The wee Games just fun football marches I could go on). So they grow up and yes just like you all .Birthdays Christmas Easter and Just last week Mum day . But on line I know they their always if I need a chat and believe me I just want to say thank you as now I know I Am not alone with these feelings which I had all last year I felt tottaly lost in my self ...But now I have realised they have simply grown up .and I done the same my self many years ago . Working having fun busy life’s but sometimes I think how busy are they when I look in Facebook twitter Instagram and so on where ever do they get the time to be on their but they are .. And that ok with me as I know as I am watching them .All of them are watching them and that helps me knowing that .when they pop in and says Hi Nanny How are you today from all .. Gives me a lovely feeling as sometimes al pop in and we all chat to each other in group chat ..And always say how is Pops is he ok ( my hubby ). So what I am trying to say is , I had to learn how to do all this so I can keep up with them . And I am so pleased I did as now I know that life now days . Never with out their Mobil phones in their hands . As I got mine around me al, the time Can’t blame them it their time
now .And the only way I could get this Empny nest feeling to go away . On here I know I can catch up with their lives every day if I need to. I am so proud of them all . They are just simply Being them selves . Good at all they have picked in life .And never had any trouble with then . Their parents
My 3 Sons 3 daughters inlaw ) have done a Amanzing job with them in all ways esp Manners which in all them .. I laugh now and call them my IT grabs kids .Ans from my oldest Grand daughter and her partner they make sure we see our great great daughter when it possible . But also photos send to me through my email and Mobil . So glad I learnt all this through learn Direct at my local library and it was free at the time .They done a good job teaching with me no looking back .. I am called a cool Nanny now by my lot. .My next thing now is relising all earn money , fri. The 12 year up to 26. So can’t keep up with gifts and things I used to buy for the. .. So that will change this year ... cut backs and so on .. Need a holiday for my self and their Pops . Being seniors now I need our money more than my grand kids .. And I am sure they understand when we have that chat . And I know we be still on here all together that life now .. please escuse Grammer spelling never being good with it.. sorry long letter and love ( never stop saying that word love you or them to me lots of times ). Brought them up to. She sure they know thistle word and I am glad because it work ..It has to work both ways .. We want then to reach out to us ..But you know we also git to keep up with them. And now I know that is so Simple to do got to keep up with life as life is now otherwise we all stay behind and lost . And that can be Lonley and Sad I can’t do that it not me ,,Hope you all understand what I mean this morning you Take care. Nanpops7 xx



.

It's been over a year but I am hoping to bump this thread. I am putting together a feature about empty nest syndrome second time around. I have seen many comments about this and how it affects grandparents on Gransnet but it isn't a subject that seems to be addressed more widely. Parents - the intermediaries between grandparents and their grandchildren - often seem either unaware of the situation or sometimes even obstructive.

If you have any thoughts on this or, before that, any questions for me about who I am etc - please either post here or email me at stefaniemarsh AT yahoo DOT com

Thank you, I really appreciate it

sss ds asfd aoifuaoi

My advice is to find a (volunteer?) group that 'meshes' with your caring nature. This will give you nice people to spend a few hours with, and a feeling of purpose and achievement. Community cafés can be great but there are lots of other groups to become part of, like charity shops and befriending schemes. Then, when the family visit, you will have had adventures to tell them about, too!

After 8 years of continuous childminding, the youngest GC starts school in September

My grandson is 9 and there is a new born I may mind one day a week.

I am resisting more involement because i want to be my own person.

This is hard, getting on a plane and going to a European city for the weekend, driving in Europe, meeting other grans abroad etc. Doing non family things I will enjoy.

Its easier looking after the gran-kids!! Although tiring, its familiar....

Only one life.... want to do new and different things....when the gran-kids leave to live their lives, its time to live your life in a different way.

Out of comfort zone.

Am widowed. If there are any grans who feel like I do like to hear from you.

I can empathise with you all; we moved to the town where my daughter and 2 grandchildren live in order to support them all when ex son-in-law left (It wasn't part of our grand 'retired plan'.
However we wouldn't have missed this for the world and we have a wonderful, close relationship with both of our grandchildren.
We have been doing this for 10 years and now the younger one is going to the high school, to join his sister, in September. We'll still have them for a 'sleepover' one night a week, but 'breakfast club', when they were delivered to us at 7.40 am, has now finished!
It is important to have other things in your life that will gradually fill the gaps.

I don't regret all the time spent either. Have been so blessed to have them live round the corner and able to regularly see them. My other children live miles away and you just can't hug properly through SKYPE can you?

Looking forward now to the 'time off' ...have signed up for 'WalkWell' each Tuesday

I should add that I don't for one moment regret the time and care I gave that GC, I'm just needing to adjust to the changed circumstances. They grow up so fast!

Thank you for starting this thread, Gangsta! For ten years I had a GC with me almost all weekends, half terms and holidays. Sometimes I felt put upon, much as I love the child. But since circumstances have, of course, changed I miss the company, the activities, the outings, even the arguments about homework! I sometimes don't leave the house all weekend. My mobility isn't what it was and all those things I thought I wanted to do have become unimportant.
Several of us seem to be in similar situations, it's good to feel less alone!

Hugs and empathy. Understand completely. My daughter divorced seven years ago and she and her then two year old child moved in with us. She did a degree whilst living with us so she could get a reasonably well paid job (she is an occupational therapist) but now of course she can support herself and her son, so they have moved out to be independent. It was the right thing for them to do and when she was here life was not always easy but boy do I miss them!! I do still see him after school and in the holidays but it is a big change like you are having Gangsta and I feel for you x

Snap! Durhamjen. I also have 3 grand-daughters, non-autistic, 2 of them older than my grandson.
Small world.
I think home schooling is a brilliant idea. My grandson has left school and starts at college in September. I'm terrified for him.

You are not alone gangstaGranny I assure you x

Glad that it's not just me who feels this way! Thank you all for your replies

Harder than when the children left home, think because it emphasises old age!! When the children went I was young enough to get on with my job and enjoy the freedom of being childless after fourteen years as a divorced mother.

All part of the natural order of things, I will adjust.

Yes! Was it something we said?

Reminds me of the Animals song my husband used to play and sing all the time, We've Gotta get Out of This Place.

I asked my DGD, who is 15, if she has decided what she wants to do after university (assuming she goes). Her reply was 'I want to travel and get away from here as quickly as possible'. I asked if she would miss everyone and she said 'yes, but I'm still going'.

Yes, he is henetha. He is homeschooled by his mother and me.
When he reached 13 he said he was not going to be a moody teenager.
I have three granddaughters, non autistic, two of them older than him, so I know what girl teenagers are like.
He's definitely different, and interesting. Like you, I worry about his future.

Hi Durhamjen. Is your grandson autistic? I gather so from what you say. Mine is now 16 and spends all his spare time in his bedroom.
So at least we know where they are at night, as you say. I'm finding it fascinating having an autistic grandchild. He is so different, so interesting, that it's wonderful. I do worry about his future though.
Best wishes.

I am just back from a holiday with an assortment of gcs and the quiet and lack of activity in this house is taking some getting used to even after such a short period so I do sympathise.

The joy when they turn into a Kevin or a Kevinette - not

Don't kid yourself, Henetha. My grandson is 13 and he is definitely stressing as a normal teenager. He challenges just about everything now. The one thing we do know is that he will not be meeting other lads his age in the village centre; that's one thing to be relieved about.

I totally empathise with you, GanstaGranny. I helped raise my two eldest grandchildren and when they no longer needed me I was devastated.
And now, my youngest grandchild aged 12, but 13 next week, has suddenly, overnight almost, grown up! I picked her up to take her out to lunch on Friday and it seemed that someone had kidnapped her and replaced her with an alien. She was dressed entirely in black, with black eye make up and dark red lipstick, and a weird black choker around her throat. She announced that she is now an Emo but won't be cutting herself.... well, that's something at least!
I don't think there is much we can do except go with the flow. The older two went through strange phases but they are now perfectly normal decent adults.
I'm almost, guiltily, relieved that my other grandchild is autistic and presumably therefore won't be going through any of the usual teenage earthquakes.
I'm sure you will gradually get used to the changes in the lives of your two grand-daughters and you will simply adapt and move on.