GD and tech devices

I've just had a very similar experience with my older grandchildren who have just left from visiting us with their parents. Eldest granddaughter is nearly 15, then an 11 year old and a six year old boy.They live in Spain. The girls always left off their mobile devices at meal times.. their mum is strict about that.. but most of the time they were glued to their devices. Also the squabbling over who was using the most favoured device! It was disappointing because we didn't have the chats we used to. I think it is probably the norm these days.
I think these devices are quite addictive. Our 4 year old twin grandchildren have just started to play a few educational games on the iPad ( thanks to playing it at pre school ) . Time is strictly limited, but what worries me is how distraught they become when it is time to stop. On the other hand, I do think, in this age, they do need to be familiar to all aspects of tech.

Welcome, kh239. Yes, the same happens with all 6 of my grandchildren. Even their mothers are nearly as bad! I don't like it, it is downright rude isn't it? I sometimes wonder why I bother to invite or visit them, as I am left out in the cold.
I hope you will enjoy Gransnet, but be warned, you are in danger of being addicted yourself!

crikey, maybe i've really got it wrong. thank you both SO much for telling me your own experiences. yes, it is rude, but the most worrying aspect is that when GD is kind of forced to put the things down, she's got nothing to say, is an empty shell, pouty, listless and disinterested even in the TV: this looks to me like dysfunction. i googled 'computer addiction symptoms' and certainly, she displayed some of those that were described. frankly, if that's all she's got to give on an annual visit, i'm sorry to say i'd prefer not to witness her non-development into a rounded human being. hahaha, i might enjoy becoming addicted to Gransnet and i might start to get it!!

BTW, an afterthought - when i pulled the plug on the hub that wasn't the end of it. she played games instead with equal concentration!!

If you just want her to talk to you, it is understandable that her mind goes a blank. I expect you remember being sat with a relative and finding you had nothing to say to them. If she has just switched off from the net, her mind won't have adjusted to "normal" life yet, rather like putting down an absorbing novel with the plot and characters still running round your brain.

She is still perhaps a bit young to initiate other activities, so it is up to you to have something interesting to put in its place and redirect her thoughts to.

Have something else up your sleeve for her to do. Maybe come into town with you and help you buy a top? That flatters her ego to think you value her input, and gives you something to talk about together. If you end up buying something you never wear you can charge it up to "entertaining GD"

Does she cook? Even if she doesn't, plead exhaustion and get her to make a simple meal, or to help you make something new to her and interesting. Don't just produce all the food yourself and serve it up as though you were running a restaurant.

Is there somewhere you would like to go that you think she would enjoy too? Enlist her company.

great advice elegran and i did exactly those things, all of them. i can't adequately describe how unengaged she was with me and the world around us which is why i thought there might be a problem. i'm not a counsellor, don't have experience with addictive personalities but tried and tried to get a glimmer of recognition that i was present with absolutely no response. she could have been anywhere - top of a mountain, sitting in an airport, in the middle of an empty field for all the interest i could generate. i have a house full of interesting things to do - i'm the artist gran with the modern outlook (with the exception of tech, obviously); i have energy and heaps of ideas so it was with utter sadness that i realised i was pretty much wasting my time and not even denting the surface.

Just read up about computer addiction symptoms.
I'm worried about me, let alone the grandchildren.
Off out for a walk now, to get over it.

Very difficult! Makes you feel like putting on a sudden attack of illness so that she HAS to pay attention to you.

I don't know what more you can do, it is possible she will mature into a lovely girl who engages with you and delights you, but that could be a long way off.

I'd be tempted to ask her outright "Why did she come to see me, as she clearly wasn't enjoying the visit?" She may have been there out of duty, because it was expected of her, or to get her out of her parents' way for a while, and be resentful about that. She could get the reply from you that you didn't enjoy it either, and that it would be a good idea before the next visit to decide on a few ways to make it a more pleasant exercise for both of you. The effort needs to be on both sides, not just one.

durhamjen - i love that!! you could always take your device with you when walking as my GD did!!

elegran, a great reply and i do agree about asking her why she came; i almost did that very thing but held back as didn't want to start a conflict one our one weekend together in the year. i guess there's no point in me worrying about it from a distance and will hope that, as you say, in time something changes. i can tell you it was a real shock to find that things had come to such a stage that simple conversation had disappeared!!

thanks so much everyone who replied for your valuable insights, greatly appreciated. kit

kh239 just to give you hope. My DGD and DGS were similarly addicted. DGD had the whole, listless, pouty, not wanting to talk thing as well. This despite not being allowed computers or televisions in their rooms at home or being allowed phones etc. at the dining table. They grew out of it!. Although not by 17 as far as I remember.
Now at 24 and 22 respectively they are delightful young people. Pleasant, helpful and chatty.
There are advantages, when DGS came to stay with his girlfriend earlier this year, I asked if they wanted to use our free phone line to let their parents know they arrived safely. they both replied that they had already done it. The families were kept updated with photographs and information about their activities as well.
Come to think of it, they paid for themselves too.
Oh, and if you email them, they write back.

dustyangel, what a marvellous outcome to what is obviously a common condition, of which i was blissfully unaware. i'm feeling a bit daft now as i clearly over-reacted to what most people accept as normal these days - i suppose it's because i see the kids so infrequently. thanks so much for taking the time to let me know about your great result. kit

You are very tolerant kh239, if she was my GD she would be going home with a bagful of broken pieces of technology.
This is the generation that will be running this country and they may be tech savvy but they are unable to communicate face to face.

TOTALLY agree harrigran, a truly scary prospect for the future, but perhaps dustyangel's experience applies to many of these kids, let's hope.

the tolerance was due only to what would have been reported back to my daughter who's quite fragile when it comes to any level of criticism. i'd have LOVED to have expressed my thoughts but too dangerous, easier to keep the peace and suck it up!

the inability to communicate is troubling though, and i don't see how that can improve when the damage is being done while kids are 'plastic'. also, they're missing a whole world of experiences that should be forming their characters. kit

I'm on holiday at the moment and only just managed to get a decent WiFi link myself after nearly a week. And yes, this is part of life these days.

It is addictive and my own GC ( aged 4, 5, 5 and 8) would be on devices all day if allowed. However we all have agreed on limits. So now these devices are just one smallish part of their lives, not their sole raison d'etre, as seems to be the case with your GD.

If your GD is allowed to be on her various devices, all day every day at home, then that is worrying. For her to think she can do the same on a visit to you is unacceptably rude.

I don't think she's addicted - I think she's 17! It's hard for us to accept but teenagers of that age tend not to want to spend time with older relations (parents or grandparents). They want to be with their friends. At that age I had no electronic devices but I did have a pile of books and I kept my nose firmly inside them! It is hard for us now because we so desperately want to have the same happy, chatty relationship we did when they were little and it feels very personal when they don't reciprocate. Easier to claim "addiction" than accept a truth we'd rather was different. However, as I did, and as generations of teenagers have before her, she will grow out of it and you will have a wonderful, different, but more adult relationship with your granddaughter.