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Grandparenting

Ear piercing on babies

(82 Posts)
VanLe4 Wed 09-Sept-15 11:41:27

I am usually a lurker but am moved to post to get others' opinions on ear piercing of small children.

My DIL wants to get DGD's ears done for her first birthday. I am horrified by this for many reasons (it hurts, care is fiddly and difficult on such a small child at the beginning when you have to bathe the ears often, it's not necessary and I feel it is more appropriate for an older child)

I didn't let my DD have hers done until she started secondary school when I felt she was old enough for all the reasons above. Am I wrong? I haven't said anything to DS or DIL but I am upset about it and now not sure what to do.

apricot Thu 10-Sept-15 19:14:34

I wouldn't be able to bite my tongue over this, I'd have to show my disapproval although it wouldn't do any good, it's the mother's choice.
After it's done I'd shudder and turn away and say, "Oh, her poor little ears! I can't bear to see them spoiled"
I think most schools don't allow earrings.

Auntieflo Thu 10-Sept-15 16:44:11

Years ago!! Hearing clinic tomorrow

Auntieflo Thu 10-Sept-15 16:43:32

My ears are still intact at 73. My mother had pierced ears , then let them heal up. Then she asked me to poke around and make the hole again. I refused as I can't bear the little floppy bits of ears. Many hears ago I used to have a dream about ear piercing being done with the old fashioned bus conductor's ticket punch. All the bits were collected in the bit where bits from the tickets went! hmm Our daughter begged for hers done when she was 16.

DotMH1901 Thu 10-Sept-15 16:42:46

I was 21 when I had my ears pierced - I had been married for 3 years and Alf paid for me to have them done as a birthday present. My Mum was appalled - she thought it was 'common'. My daughter asked to have her ears pierced but I made her wait until she was 12 and able to look after them properly. She has just allowed my granddaughters to have their ears pierced, the eldest is almost 9 and the youngest 6. We have had issues with their ears getting infected but they have healed nicely now. I don't like to see babies with pierced ears and I did say to my daughter that I thought my granddaughters were too young to look after their ears properly but, at the end of the day, they are her children and not mine.

Nelliemoser Thu 10-Sept-15 15:54:50

I had mine pierced when I was in my mid 40s and I do wear earings.

Lona Thu 10-Sept-15 15:26:18

Jane Thank you for the link, I have signed the petition!

GeminiJen Thu 10-Sept-15 14:30:12

VanLe4
I do so feel for you.
My DS and DiL live in Spain: she's Spanish. 6 years ago, they had twins, a boy and a girl. 3 days after the birth, my DGD's ears were pierced while still in hospital.
As others have said, it's a cultural thing there.
I was really annoyed though, and my DD was up in arms, saying it shouldn't be legal. Knowing her, she was probably one of the first to sign the MumsNet petition!
At least we're talking about studs here, not hoops......so less likelihood (I hope) of the kind of accidental damage as described above.
Having been presented with a fait accompli, there wasn't any point in making our views known at the time.
On the bright side, my DGD has grown into a feisty little tomboy who rejects all of my DiL's attempts to 'pinkify' her
There is a God grin....!

BlackeyedSusan Thu 10-Sept-15 14:21:30

what is her weakness? find her weak point, what does she not want to be perceived as? imply subtly that having a child with pierced ears will make people think she is... <insert the thing she least wants to be>

rosequartz Thu 10-Sept-15 14:21:06

God says do not pierce the skin

I haven't heard that one - could you givr chapter and verse please rosewhite?

Ah well, I not only have pierced ears, I have been vaccinated, had my children vaccinated and I have had quite a lot of pierced skin for medical reasons over the years!

Hattiehelga Thu 10-Sept-15 13:46:33

I hate to see babies and young children with pierced ears. Yes, it does look common and yes it is cruel. We told our daughter she had to wait until she was 16, which she did, and they both became horribly infected needing antibiotics ! She let them heal over and she is 45 now still with "holeless" lobes !

rosesarered Thu 10-Sept-15 13:27:33

Bellanonna grin me too!

Eileen666 Thu 10-Sept-15 13:21:47

Any parent getting a baby or toddlers ears pierced is nothing more than a thick ignorant parent. They are not getting it done because "quote" so the child will forget the pain, no they are getting it done because THEY think it looks good. No other reason, they just want to bling their children so they can show off the jewelry the child is wearing.

Nelliemoser Thu 10-Sept-15 13:21:11

No! No! No! leave it until the child is old enough to make their own decision. Secondary school maybe. It's not as if its a necessary proceedure for health reasons.

Bellanonna Thu 10-Sept-15 13:16:45

I've got pierced ears rosewhite. Should I start praying ?

rosewhite Thu 10-Sept-15 12:56:11

God says do not pierce the skin!
Plus not all children like piercings.

Granny23 Thu 10-Sept-15 12:52:36

I have neither piercings nor tattoos and cannot understand the mindset which drives people to alter their bodies in this way. I seldom wear jewellery, never earrings as my hair covers my ears and there is therefore no point. I do wear a lot of badges to show my support for various causes but these can be removed if they become redundant.

As to the OP - why not tell your DiL that you have been looking on-line and the modern consensus seems to be that piercing of babies' ears is out of favour and refer her to Mumsnet - you can browse without joining.

trisher Thu 10-Sept-15 12:40:09

I am horrified by young children having pierced ears. Partly because when I was teaching I once saw a child catch an earring. She was wearing very small rings and was playing on the slide in the playground, as she came down she threw up her arms and shouted, and the ring caught on her coat sleeve. Her ear was badly torn and poured with blood. She was hurt and very upset. She was only 7.
Rings are now mostly banned in schools and only small studs are allowed, but how you would manage an active toddler I don't know.

Wilks Thu 10-Sept-15 12:27:05

Before our the sex of our grandchild was known our Brazilian daughter in law said she wanted to have the baby's ears pierced shortly after birth as is common in her country and here in Spain, where we all live. We were horrified but our son dealt with it creatively by saying that was OK so long as it applied regardless of whether the baby was a boy or girl! As it turned out its a boy and she didn't have his ears pierced. Unnecessarily hurting a baby is abuse in my book, whichever way you look at it.

janeainsworth Thu 10-Sept-15 11:57:27

There is a petition on 38 degrees we can all sign
you.38degrees.org.uk/petitions/ban-ear-piercing-for-babies-toddlers

Van you could show that to your DiL.
I agree with Susan the only way to broach the subject with your DiL is by asking questions, preferably (leading)open ones!
eg how painful do you think it will be?
what will you do if she gets an infection?
do you think they will let her wear earrings at nursery?
Do you know if the place you are taking her to has been inspected for cleanliness & hygiene practices?

I agree with Lona and others it is a form of child abuse and any reputable salon would not do it on such young children.
Just off to sign the petition!

Luckygirl Thu 10-Sept-15 11:45:08

Any assault on babies is dreadful - ear piercing and circumcision fall into the category of assault. I cannot tell you how angry it makes me to think of little boys losing their foreskins - and at a celebration party!! - unbelievable!

ummlilia Thu 10-Sept-15 11:05:50

Common also sprang to my mind too, but maybe it's an age thing, fashions change. I don't like it, but my daughter in law had my gds done, prompting my youngest, then 9, to complain and ask why I hadn't allowed her to have it done. I relented, only for her to stop wearing earrings after losing them more than once and discovering an allergy to all but gold which prevented her from buying the fun earrings she liked (I had earlier resisted the cultural pressure from north african in -laws who didn't understand why my daughter's ears weren't done sooner.) As for making it illegal, I think it might have unintended consequences with unlicensed or untrained piercers doing the job for parents who want it done.

rosequartz Thu 10-Sept-15 09:59:58

Common - oh yes, I remember that word being used by DM, and by my friends and me to describe someone who wore white stilettos with luminous socks!

It's not a word I would use nowadays since DD had a tattoo

Lona Thu 10-Sept-15 07:56:52

If an adult had a piercing done without consent it would be an assault, so I don't understand why it's acceptable to do it to a baby.

chelseababy Thu 10-Sept-15 07:53:33

There are lots of other things we do to babies over which they have no choice, circumcision, baptism to name but two. Personally I don't agree with either or ear piercing. But unless they are illegal it is left to parents to decide. I didn't have my ears pierced till I was I my twenties.

Luckygirl Wed 09-Sept-15 21:48:03

I have 3 daughters and none of them nagged to have their ears pierced and they all still have ears that are intact. And why........? Because their mother had hers done when she was about 35, and the holes would not heal - it was a messy painful business, which they witnessed and they all vowed that they would not have it done. So my suffering was not in vain!