Concerned My Grandson is being emotionally abused

A little late to this conversation, but yeyyey, I, too, think you've made the right decision. To borrow from DrPhil, the main thing is you need to be GS' "soft place to land." Not too long from now, GS will be able to speak up to his parents for himself, anyway, and they may get an earful!

Yeyyey Just a thought...

Little boys sometimes tell fibs to get attention, especially when the attention is rewarding.

I would only pick the parents up on something you actually physically see is wrong, and be sure you are right if you do say anything, and not manipulated by a child who has had his world turned upside down by a new baby.

Do not let him hear you talking about his parents, and do not comment when he tells you anything.

I think you've made the right decision. Give him as much support as you can and let him vent to you if he needs to.

Churchill once said, "When in crisis, do nothing." I believe what he was implying was that you must give yourself time to carefully think through a difficult situation to insure that you don't make rash or emotional decisions. I have heard the advise shared here and have decided for the time being to hold my tongue. I do think the most important role I play in my DGS's life is to be a source of support and unconditional love. I also know that I must wait for his parents to seek out advice or it will backfire. Or at the very least, to watch for an opening in conversation with his parents where I can encourage more positive parenting in dealing with his NORMAL boy behavior. Thanks for allowing me to share this worry!

Do you have other children, yeyyey?

I don't know if it's wise to confront the parents as it could rebound on the child and your time with him could be reduced.

I grew up in a similar family with more or less the same age gap. My baby sister was, and still is, the golden child. Life will be difficult for him esp as he gets older and reaches his Godzilla years. You need to give him as much support as you can and a bolt hole for when he's older. In his situation he may find he can't do right for doing wrong and he'll need someone safe to vent to.

Unfortunately it can go one of two ways as he gets older. Either he'll rebel and become the boy they seem to think he is or, like me, he'll try harder and harder to please them and be crushed as nothing he does will be good enough. I'm now middle aged and still chase the dream even though I recognise it's impossible to achieve.

That's not a good idea

Thanks to each of you for taking the time to comment. I am fortunate that I am able to see the DGS quite a bit (at least once a week and often more), and he does spend the night periodically. I take some comfort in knowing that he gets very positive attention from me and my husband while he's with us.

However, even this has backfired on DGS, because his parents get jealous that he wants to be with us so much and are mean to him because of that. This is why I have been very careful not to be critical because there is already an emotionally charged atmosphere around this boy. If I take his side too strongly in front of them they could cut off all contact with him.

The parents treated him much better before the baby arrived which is a big part of my concern. The comparison of treatment will become more and more obvious to him as he gets older, and thus damaging to his self-esteem.

The perspective that we need to approach this situation from a positive and not accusatory standpoint is the best approach I think. I thought I might try finding some parenting articles about the challenge of raising a nine year old as a starting point of discussion. I know they are frustrated and I need to try to give them some coping tools if I can without being to interfering.

Thanks everyone for giving me support!!

Can you have your DGS to stay for a night or two, sometimes? That would be nice for him (and you) and might help his parents feel less pressured.
How did the parents treat their son when he was an only child?

So hard this one. I think in the first instance I'd be praising up your GS to the parents.
For example telling them what a delight you find him, how helpful he is, how you love his company because ..... and so on.
Make sure you're GS hears this praise.

It might make them see him through new eyes.

yeyyey I'm new here too.
I feel for you so much. You obviously care for your family so much and your grandson is very lucky to have such a loving grandmother. I think it's important that your son/daughter is made aware of what they are doing. They probably don't realise they are doing it. You would have to do it very carefully of course - your grandson needs you now more than ever. Who (of your husband and yourself) is the less emotional one? I'd get that person to approach them. Something like 'i understand it's really difficult for you now with a baby to look after and we appreciate the pressure you're under. But we're concerned about (your grandson). He is much quieter than usual and seems very upset. Maybe he needs a bit more attention and love from you? Would you like us to spend a bit more time with him for the next few weeks until he gets used to the transition?'
That way you're offering to help them (but also your grandson) and highlighting that he is suffering?
I haven't been in this situation of course so feel free to take or leave my advice. But I am sending you good thoughts and hoping it all works out for everyone's sakes.