Legacies

Thanks for the info, MOnica. I hope we never need it but who would know if he did? It is just one woman in particular (relationship on/off/on/off) but I'd not complain if he was happy and not causing me problems.

As my son is much better off than me - actually owns his own house, I have a hefty mortgage - I'm inclined to think that I'm going to spend, spend, spend and empty my coffers before I pop my clogs. Maybe leave just enough for a reasonable send off. I think he'd understand.

Mollie remember, that a will can be altered after death, if all the beneficiaries agree. If your mother did put the clause saying your DB couldn't have a woman in the house after her death, it can be changed after the event. It is called a Deed of Variation. We have used this several times in my family, we never made major changes, just tidied around the edges, mainly to reduce the risk of later inheritance tax liabilities.

I've just been reminded that my only sibling lives with my only living parent and the terms of that will are that he can stay in the house for life too. There'll be nothing else to leave so I suppose you can say that will is unequal but there's no option, he's not in a position to help himself now. If I wanted to be picky I could say he made his choices, opted to stay with mum and not really take responsibility for himself or make his own home and why should I not benefit too but that won't get me very far with my mother! At one point she was threatening to write in her will that he couldn't bring a woman/girlfriend to live in the house after her death but I think we talked her out of being so darned controlling. We'll see...

Our son is married and quite comfortably off. Our daughter is single and cannot afford to buy her own home so although we have left everything 'equally' we have also added the proviso that she can live in our house for life. We discussed this with our son and his wife and they were happy with this arrangement.

We had a similar thread recently, I thought the theme was familiar! Everyone's circumstances are of course different - what seems unfair to some may not to others.

www.gransnet.com/forums/legal_and_money/a1218486-Wills-leaving-to-children-or-grandchildren

Yes - definitely equal shares, even though one of our children is much better off than the others. I trust her to help her sisters out if needs be, and I know her lovely OH would agree.

We have stated in our will that, if funds allow and at their discretion, we would like to think they might be able to share some of their legacy with their own children. Again, we trust them to do the right thing. I have every faith in my DDs and their spouses.

Equal shares every time! the only fair way to go.

There have been several articles in the newspapers over the last years talking to families where money has been spread unequally. Even when the child knew the reason for the inequality, they were still left with a devastating feeling of mattering less to their parent than their sibling/s.

Personally, I think parents should always discuss the terms of their will with their children and, generally share the money being left to children equally between them. We have certainly told our children the contents of our wills, who, other than they, will receive bequests, but that most of our estate will be shared equally between them. We were particularly careful about this as we have left some money to each of our DGC, and only one of our DC is a parent. The non-parent couldn't even see the problem, let alone our concern.

Always equal shares, IMHO.

Depends on the children - it would seem fairer to leave more to the ones who need it but if that creates sibling resentment would it be worth it? My FIL left a very uneven will that created much resentment, understandably in my view. There will only be one candidate for my estate thankfully. Perhaps equal shares is the way to ensure peace.