Long distance Grandparenting

Granny1 that sounds a lovely idea - I have an account with one of the online card companies so might have a look to see if there is something similar. I have seen Jaquie Lawson cards - there were some beautiful interactive Christmas cards a couple of years ago.

Jacky how cute your grandson now recognises you - can't wait for the day ours start to do that - he did should Goodbye the last time though which was comical!!

My granddaughter absolutely LOVES getting ecards from me. Jaquie Lawson cards - costs about £10 Per year and you can send as many as you want to as many people as you want.
I send them randomly to Olivia so they are always a surprise - some of the cards have little puzzles and jigsaws and there are 100's to choose from.
They are so popular in my family that I also send the puzzle cards and the funny cards to my 28 year old son who lives in Scotland. He is a tree surgeon with a soft side and he loves his ecards !! Gotta laugh xx

I didn't have much contact with my own grandparents either. When my children were small, I lived in a different country from my parents (still do) and contact was more difficult. Although they loved and respected my parents, it was difficult to see them very often.

But I came here to say that my eldest GS (not quite 2) has now started to say "Nanna" to me when he seas and hears me on Skype - which is very touching. He still doesn't sit and talk to the screen, but prefers to pick up their tablet and mess about with it, making us seasick or cutting off communications all together, but I look forward to having real little chats with him in a few months' time!

Last weekend was the first time our eldest little grandson (2 1/2) actually had a proper conversation with us which was fun - he'd just got up so wasn't doing his mad dashing around and was content to sit and tell us what he'd been doing until his breakfast was ready. The little one is now 7 months old and is taking more notice too - he seemed fascinated by the picture on the screen I think. I'm sure as time goes on we'll hopefully establish a relationship with them although it will never be the same as being with them. We do seem to be losing touch with our youngest granddaughter now though - she's 14 and although only 2 hours away we don't see much of them. She's off doing her own thing with her friends and I suppose we're just not as interesting ! On the other hand our eldest one is now driving up and down visiting her boyfriend who lives nearby so we are seeing more of her than we've done in years which is lovely. When I think back to my own grandparents I saw very little of them and certainly didn't know them as people in their own right. We moved away when I was 8 and had never really had much contact with them before that which was sad so I guess we're lucky in this technological age to at least have various means of communication. I don't think they even had a phone back then!

I have 3 granddaughters who live in this country and a granddaughter and grandson who live in Sydney. I understand the comments about holding our grandchildrens attention while skyping. What we have found works well for us is to do the Skype while they are having their breakfast (it's evening for us). We have a really good conversation, sometimes they will continue to talk after finishing their breakfast, sometimes they go off to play. We'll continue to talk to our daughter but can still include them in the conversation as they are playing in thE background. Sometimes they take the laptop into their bedroom so we can continue to talk while they play.

My heart goes out to you all with families far away. I agree about using face time/Skype and just letting it run while GC do what they would normally be doing.
There is no comparison I know but this works with our youngest DGD who lives a 3 hour drive away. When we do meet up (she's 2 1/2 now) it's seamless as she sees and hears us often enough. The same with her other GPs who live further away.
I have heard of a website called something like Caribou where you can read books together online.

Having a son and his family in NZ was the reason I came onto this website and remember the amount of replies I got. At the time my granddaughter, who is only three, was very shy when speaking to anyone on the computer. However this month we had our first great cionversation, which was so pleasing, especially as it was on my birthday.

Thank you Willow500 and Ros1e for responding to my message. It is reassuring to know that other people are going through similar things. I'm still wrestling with it.
I recently visited my sister who has a beautiful new grand-daughter [her first] who lives round the corner and she sees nearly every day. My daughter in New Zealand is expecting a baby soon [also my first grand-child] and I find it hard to handle. It's fine when I'm with sister and baby but when I get home I seem to get plunged into negative feelings.
I cope by keeping busy but it can get a bit manic.

Jeanwalthamstow

I do find it difficult to have a totally natural conversation on Skype - we don't do it very often due to their (and our) work lives and the time difference of 12 hours but when the time comes it all seems a bit stilted and forced as if we're trying to find things to talk about. My DIL is usually flitting in and out as it's normally morning their time and with 2 small children we understand she has things to do. I remember when the situation was reversed and she was talking to her mum in NZ from our house before they emigrated and my son would be wandering around doing stuff so appreciate she probably doesn't feel the need to sit and talk. Still we are grateful to at least have some contact which in years gone by would not have been possible and as the children grow hopefully they will start to join in the conversations.

Bluecat - I fully understand your feelings, I am in a similar position. It is very difficult to have a relationship like we have with those close by, there is not the minutiae that makes up ordinary day to day chit chat.

Irritations can take on a life of their own because with only Skype it's not easy to clear the air.....So to speak. With only short precious time we can be afraid of offending and being unable to sort it out properly..... developing eggshells to tread.
Small comments that mean nothing when face to face in real life can often niggle in the background unresolved. Perhaps it's a little bit of an unnatural situation but the best we have.

Recently my offspring spoke to me about an irritation.....something that I was doing and although at first I was hurt and then angry.....I was then glad that I had been told

Thank you for your support, Willow. It helps to talk to someone who understands what it is like to have loved ones so far away

Hi Bluecat welcome to GN. I don't think knowing our children and grandchildren are having a much better life in their newly adopted countries makes it any easier for us left behind to cope. I try not to dwell on the fact that I may possibly only see my son once or twice more in my life - something my husband points out all too often or that our little grandsons will never really know us other than the grandparents who live in the UK. There are times when it does hit me though especially when friends with young grandchildren seem to be so involved with them. it must be very difficult to be parted with your grandchildren at the ages yours are especially as you lived close by all their lives. The good thing is that the bonds have been forged before they left and the older ones particularly will always remember you and are probably old enough to keep in touch in their own right. You're certainly not a horrid person for feeling a bit resentful that they've left - I have the same feelings at times especially when my son has mentioned feeling homesick. I should think your other daughter perhaps has mixed feelings about it too - missing her sister and seeing them 'living the dream' but also seeing you upset because they left. There are no answers of course - we love them whatever they do and just want what is best no matter how much it hurts us

Sorry I'm a bit late joining this discussion, but I've only just become a member.

In 2014, one of my DDs emigrated to the USA with her family, when her husband changed jobs. I still miss her unbearably, and her kids - 2 boys aged 11 and 20, 2 girls aged 18 and 4. Before they moved, they always lived near us and we saw them regularly.

I'm lucky that my other DD and SiL live with us, so I get to spend lots of time every day with their 2 little girls, aged 4 and 6. They have been a huge comfort to me. However, I still feel the loss of my other DD and DGCs. We talk to our DD on Skype, but the kids just drift by the screen and wave to us. We understand that talking to Nana and Grandad isn't their top priority.

I try to get on with my life but sometimes the sadness overwhelms me and I have to cry. To make things worse, I can't really say what I feel. We always supported their move, even when our hearts were breaking, and other people always say, "Oh, you wouldn't want to hold them back. It's a great opportunity for them." Yes, I know it is, and I can see they've got a better standard of living, thanks to Sil's new job, and have thrown themselves enthusiastically into the American lifestyle. Of course I want them to be happy. I don't need people to tell me I should want that! I just wish they were being happier closer to home, not 3,000 miles away.

My other DD is wonderful but gets upset when I cry for her sister, because she feels I'm not appreciating what I've got, i.e. her family. My DH misses them too but keeps saying, "We'll go and visit them", which isn't realistic as money is tighter and will only get tighter when he retires in 2 years time. There's a little part of me that is angry at them for moving so far away from us, though I know it is selfish and makes me feel that I'm a horrible person.

Sorry about the long post. I just needed to get it off my chest!

My only DGD was born in the USA and lived there for the first four years of her life. We were lucky to be able to visit a few times, but spoke to her every day on Skype when we were home in Malta. I used to read to her and watch her making play-doh creations etc, and managed to have a lovely relationship with her despite the distance and the longing to hold her.

Sadly, her parents marriage folded last year and she now lives in Malta. I collect her from school every day and have her every weekend as her mother (DD2) works and has a new man in her life who, I'm sorry to say, often seems to come before DGD.

I can honestly say I never, ever felt jealous of friends who had their GC's close by, and always enjoyed hearing anecdotes about them.
Also, as much as I love having DGD nearby, I would far rather she was living back in the States with two happy parents, but it wasn't to be.

Life is what it is, not perfect at times, but you just have to accept things and make the most of it.

I have as yet no grandchildren and is hard not feel envious as many of my friends either have or are 'expecting'them (I married and had DCS late and they ,late twenties, not at present in established relationship)
But I do enjoy seeing pics and it was lovely at Christmas when friends son ( I have known him from birth) and wife brought 6m baby to sèe us-they live in Europe. .Friend says it is hard and although she loves visiting/hosting it can be very full -on and hard to maintain a 'normal' relationship .My DPs lived 120miles away andI worked ft when DCs were little and although its obviously easier than abroad I did sometimes wish they lived round the corner ! In the days before Skype etc too .

Just want to say that I feel for the GPs here who don't get to see their GC that often and hurt when they hear us other GPs talking about ours. I try to be careful of that, myself, when I'm around friends whose grands live at a distance. But sometimes, they're the very ones who ask after my GC. And I think it's very "normal" for GPs to talk - brag (?) - about their grands - just part of the usual exchange between GPs, they don't always stop to think that there may be someone in the group who doesn't see theirs as often.I don't think any of us mean to hurt anyone. If you find yourself angry or jealous, that's unfortunate. But maybe it's better to just leave the group, for a while, if that happens.

Just to add in agreement with Granulated13 and NanaBridget - I don't know where we'd be without Skype, FaceTime etc. It makes my day to start with a lovely session, seeing my little granddaughters. Even though it's seven in our morning and six in their evening, just after bath and before bedtime....
Treasured moments!

We have been very lucky in that we have been able to regularly see our new great grandson, now four months old. We see him a few times a week via Facetime for our granddaughter uses her IPhone to keep in touch .

It really gives us a thrill to see how he is developing, cannot wait for July when we fly out to join them for a short holiday.

It is not easy when other Grannies talk endlessly about their grandchildren who live close by and not even in another country. I try to be gracious about it, but I can be seething inside, sometimes - thoughtless really, but perhaps I am a little sensitive. It is hard not to say something in retaliation. We are lucky that the other set of Grandparents in a country far away, try to save our feelings and understand the situation.

We bring our children up to be independent and yes, as others have said, if they are happy, it helps us to cope with the situation. I am always on the look out for small light items to send in packets and a postcard or card never comes amiss. It's lovely to see that our D-I-L has put the cards safely on the mantel or on the fridge, when we go out to visit. Aren't we lucky these days with Skype or Facetime and videos and photos uploaded regularly? Amazon is a Godsend for sending books and toys. I must try and find a puppet or two when I next go out shopping and keep them ready - what a good idea.

It is difficult to always be this positive, but I think I just get used to the situation I find myself in.

Ros1e Aintree anticipation wonderful.

Coolgran65, lovely to hear about your happy Skyping and I just wanted to say that I'm excited too as I have a similar trip booked for Easter. Yes - such a long way but as you say it's all worth it!!

We had a lovely Skype at the weekend with dgs 2. When Peppa Pig (hand puppet) asked for a kiss dgs ran to his room and came back with George Pig.....and climbed onto the table so George could kiss Peppa.
However, I am really excited, we have a 2 week trip booked for the summer. Full journey is 23 hours, one of the flights is 11 hours and I have restless kegs syndrome !! But it's all worth it.

I know there are times when I deliberately don't engage with GN threads which contain/discuss daily or weekly interaction with grandchildren, because I have no experience of that, nor likely to have in the future, as my grandchildren live in other countries. Occasionally I find myself thinking "what if..." but that thinking doesn't do me any favours. Instead, I concentrate on the "what is", which is happy and healthy grandchildren. Not saying it's easy, but gets better with practice.

Hello Jean, I think I can share some of your feelings about other grand parents having lots of contact when yours are the other side of the world, or will be soon in your case. Not long till May. It's very hard but you're not alone. Lots of skyping, face time, sending little snippets of video and photos can help. Even if it's a quick glimpse try to build it in as often as you can. I've been doing it for over 6 years and focussing on as many different ways to communicate can really help to raise spirits. I have been to visit whenver possible and they all came here last year which was wonderful. Quality time rather than quantity.

Willow500. I'm sure Tommy and Brian will soon become favourite fixtures. Especially if they are always there on the screen with you. Recently a friend's dog got hold of one of the puppets and there was a thrilling story of rescue to be told at the next skype. It was worth exaggerating to keep them all interested!

Ros1e We bought two puppets last week and sent picture messages saying hello from Tommy the Tiger and Brian the Lion. When we Skyped on Sat my husband put them on but I think our grandson was too hyper in the heat to take much notice although his baby brother seemed to be watching We'll give it another go next time too.
Jeanwalthamstow I do understand those feelings as I have a friend with 2 new grandchildren and my sister in law with one. They both childmind them and so have a lot in common to talk about including their progress and children's programmes they watch etc. when we all get together so I feel a bit left out. However I have to remember that we have been through all of it with our eldest granddaughters who are 18 and 14 and I do know that my friend in particular was very envious back then as she thought she'd never have grandchildren of her own so I try to be happy for them. It is hard though and sometimes I have to bite my tongue and not say what I feel!