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Grandparenting

Thank You Letters.The Solution.

(8 Posts)
lionpops Wed 18-May-16 07:18:29

I have not met a grandparent yet who has not discussed this topic. Money or a specially selected gift ,that a parent has told us they really want, is dispatched.We await the post for an acknowledgement of our carefully selected gift only to be disappointed . We question whether our expectations are to high and remember our childhood sending out a carefully written thank you letter to Aunty Kitty for her gift of half a crown. I for one was happy with a text/ email response but even that seemed beyond mine. Well how did I resolve it?. I worked out what I spent in a year for each child, Child, granddchild, Great Grandchild and multiplied by five, issued cheques to all stating that was it. I need to point out here that we have five children , thirteen grand children and thirteen great grandchildren and the numbers were increasing. The sheer number of dates to remember and cards to buy was becoming a problem. We were also worried about our ability to keep this up into our eighties. Our mission was a success, the look of gratitude on their faces was enough for us to know we had done the right thing. I need to point out that we are not rich, we saved up to do this and gave up holidays. So it is worth investigating whether it would work for your family.

Jenty61 Wed 18-May-16 08:06:00

I stopped buying xmas and birthday presents for my daughters and granddaughters when they were in their teens because I only seemed to see them around their birthdays and xmas time. Im not just for birthdays and xmas and if they cant be bothered any other time of year to visit why should I bother.
A few years ago I gave my older grandaughter £1000 toward her wedding and I also bought her a small gift, everyone else got a lovely handmade thankyou card I didnt! I didnt even get a thankyou at the wedding!

What you did lionpops was a brilliant idea well done to you, I for one would never have thought of that.

Jane10 Wed 18-May-16 09:04:35

Gosh Jenty61 that's just awful. I think I'd have spoken to the lucky bride about that!

Jenty61 Wed 18-May-16 09:25:07

sadly Jane10 thats the way kids are today. Yes I could have talked to the bride but there was no point in adding fuel to the fire.

Ive got an adorable grandson so I can spoil him rotten now 😃

Granarchist Wed 18-May-16 10:37:09

Jenty 61 not all kids I promise you. My daughter has recently got married and paid for nearly half of it - she is now working out how to reimburse us for the rest. I have already received a payment from her - she has a poorly paid job in the NHS but is determined to repay us - we are now insistent that she has done enough. Maybe we are lucky (but we did drum into our children that thank you letters had to be written and thankyous for money had to be done first) and all 3 children and the sons in laws are excellent at writing to us to say thank you - the GC can't write yet but their mothers write on their behalf and they attempt their names at the bottom. My sister had a rant at her stepdaughter for not getting the grandchildren to write thank yous to their grandfather for amazing handmade Christmas present (Canadian canoe!!!) and was told it was impossible to get an 8 and 10 yr old to write - simple - no letter - no presents. It is just good manners isn't it?

ninathenana Wed 18-May-16 10:45:26

Sad to say if I gave D a cheque to cover her and GC birthdays etc. It would just be swallowed up. She's always been poorly paid and is now a p/t student and would be tempted to borrow use the money

Wendysue Thu 19-May-16 11:59:27

One of my DDs and her DH took "forever" to send out their TY notes after their wedding. But they both have high powered careers that they came back to after their honeymoon and that's their excuse.

None of our DDs and SILs sent DH and me a TY for their wedding gifts as they said with us it was "understood" that they appreciated them.

Maybe that's how OGD saw things with you, Jenty? Or perhaps she never sent any TY cards to anyone? I overheard one of my DD's bridesmaids sounding off that TY notes are "silly." "People know you're glad they gave you something!" she said!

You must have been very hurt though. So sorry!

Maybe TYs just aren't as popular today? I don't want to generalize, but it seems to me that many young people take longer to send them.

ninathenana Thu 19-May-16 12:33:12

We went to a wedding 3 yrs ago. The couple had two girls and had lived together for 7 yrs so asked for cash. We put a cheque in a card and these were collected from several guests by the wedding planner prior to the service. We've never had a TY so to this day we don't even know if they received it.