Gransnet forums


Jealousy from a 3 year old

(10 Posts)
LindaWW Wed 18-May-16 11:32:11

My Grandson is nearly 4 and just recently he has started to be rude to me. When his mother (my daughter) tried to give me a present, he went into meltdown and it transpired he thought she didn't love him anymore. We put this down to jealousy. Have any other Grandmums had this problem? I hate to think it, but my daughter is separated from her controlling husband who makes Rob Titchmarsh look like a Saint and I was also wondering if he could be 'putting the boot in'?

tanith Wed 18-May-16 13:23:23

LindaWW can you explain just what your grandson is jealous of? He's only 3 and I think a lot of 3yr olds would create a fuss if someone else is the centre of attention or getting a gift they just aren't mature enough yet to understand giving and receiving .

Eloethan Wed 18-May-16 15:08:49

It sounds from what you say as if there has been a very unpleasant atmosphere in the family and that the relationship between mum and dad may well be strained. This has perhaps made the little boy feel insecure and his rudeness and tantrums might be a result of that insecurity. Also, as tanith said, lots of children are resentful when somebody other than themselves receives a present.

Welshwife Wed 18-May-16 16:10:12

Some children always wish to be the centre of attention. I know a much older child who shares her birthday with twin babies - when she went to their little tea she just kept saying that it was HER birthday and special day and ignoring the little ones. She was celebrating hers later in the early evening but of course had received gifts. She is the most jealous child I have ever seen and just completely ignores any younger children. I have never witnessed anything so blatant before.

LindaWW Wed 18-May-16 20:00:52

Thank you all for your help. Apologies - I meant Rob Tichener. I suppose it's early days yet but my Grandson really does seem to be doing his best to keep me away from his mother - just like his father did! I hope that when he gets to school things will change.

Janal Wed 18-May-16 21:20:15

I agree with tanith. Young children are often jealous as his young life has not been ideal he must be feeling rather unsure of your love. I would make sure to give him loads of love and try to ignore any signs of jealousy. After all he is only tiny and anything that is not revolving around him frightens him you can understand this but he can't

ineedsensibleanswersplease Wed 18-May-16 21:28:30

At 3 years old I don't think it would be a deliberate attempt to keep you away from his mother.

I think a lot of 3 year old would be upset to see someone else receiving a present if they weren't getting one as they're not really of an age where they can grasp it's not their birthday especially if their a bit immature for their age too and will be quite open about showing their frustration at this.

From the sound of things he's obviously going through a lot at the moment and adjusting to things.
You mentioned his parents have separated so could he have some anxiety about his dad leaving and maybe be feeling like his daddy doesnt love him anymore because he's left? If he's maybe feeling a bit vulnerable about that and then saw his mummy buy you a present it might have just sent him into a little anxiety overload worrying that nobody loved him anymore?

Hopefully once he's a bit more used to the situation he will settle down.

Nelliemoser Thu 19-May-16 12:49:37

Lindaww I don't think this is plain jealousy.
As your daughter is separating from a very controlling partner its bound to affect your grandson emotionally, which is probably why he is playing up and being difficult.
It sounds as if this boy is acting out the behaviour he has seen his father using.

Try speaking to your local domestic abuse service who might know of some local rescourses which could help.

These links might help.

LindaWW Sat 21-May-16 17:28:30

Thank you so much for the links, Nelliemoser. This is my main worry. The little lad seems to be acting just like his father who has contact.

ElaineI Sat 21-May-16 23:50:23

I agree I don't think it's jealousy. I think his whole little world has been turned upside down and he is showing signs of distress in the only way he can. If he was older he could maybe verbalise his feelings but even in teenagers emotions come out in behaviour. It's not about the present - so sad if he thinks his mummy doesn't love him any more. Could he be thinking it is his fault they separated? It might also be possible as you fear that he is being fed negative information about his mummy and her family. Perhaps access in a supervised setting would be possible. As long as you both give him constant love and reassurance hopefully he will be less anxious and more confident in his world. Love to you all and hope DD also gains in her confidence x