'Rules' when babysitting

Gosh what a caring daughter. She obviously trusts you to look after her baby and has gone to the trouble of giving you guidelines so that you can emulate her care. Both my daughter and daughter in law have provided me with lots of useful information when handing over their babies and I have found it made caring for my grandchildren easier both for me and the baby. I know the usual routine and specific likes and dislikes and the baby, who already has to cope with a change of carer, has no disruption to routine.

There is no universal formula for looking after babies, so for me it makes sense to follow mums guidelines particularly when they are tiny. As they get older there is room for flexibility.

Wendysue I agree with you , I would certainly let the parents know how I felt about being given instructions and that if they had concerns about me they should perhaps reconsider . Fortunately it hasn`t happened , they all seem to appreciate me looking after there little ones / picking them up from school or having them when they are unwell . I would have loved my Mum to be available to babysit and would have been too grateful to even think about giving her instructions , she worked full time so only babysat on the odd occasion .

ooops, mil and fil ...

A bit of both really. Try to imagine it t'other way round- and your mil an dil totally ignored your wishes with your own children ?!? Bending the rules a bit is fine- but going against what you've been asked to do (if you you think it's daft) is just aksing for trouble imho.

I remember my neighbour smoking near her gcs, saying her parents did the same and it never did her any harm- and taking the kids out to the pub without seatbelts and with baby on her lap- had her daughter found out, she would never have been allowed to look after them again. Their children, their rules-

I just think there's a difference between "house rules" and rules that parents have for their children. A lot has changed since we had our kids and there are new discoveries all the time. Today, it seems, many doctors recommend against giving juice as early as we used to, and some parents avoid it even with a 3 or 4-year-old. "Granny's house/granny's rules" doesn't really apply here, IMHO. If the parents say "no juice," then it's "no juice" even if "Granny" doesn't agree.

Also, some parents are skittish about anyone driving baby but themselves, car seats or not. One of my DDs was like that for the first year of her first child's life. We respected that and didn't drive baby anywhere whenever we watched her during that first year.

But, IMO, there's another side to this coin. If a GP really can't deal with the any of the parents' rules, they need to let the parents know. Then the parents can decide if they want to relax the rule or make other babysitting arrangements.

I think a few instructions in order to keep a routine going and make life easier for parents when you hand back the little darlings is fair enough. Likewise, if it's your first time dealing with a baby in 30 years you might be a bit rusty about the practicalities. I was surprised just how quickly it all came flooding back after a day or two though. DH was pretty amazing too even though he couldn't do nappy changing due to his rheumatoid arthritis. Our greatest challenge (so far) was when they were 18 months old and both came down with a tummy bug. Without going into graphic detail we got through 50 odd nappies and the washing machine nearly blew up!

Never been given a list so not sure how I would react but think it would be with mild irritation . I have managed not to kill my own 4 so hope I would be trusted with GC . Why does your Daughter not trust you to look after the baby ? I would be asking if she was sure she wanted to leave he/she with me . Sorry but it seems a bit cheeky , my house my rules. I was surprised to read that some other GP`s have been given instructions and don`t seem to mind .

We have looked after both children for considerable amounts of time from when they were very young. I can't recall ever being given any "rules" and if I had got a sheetful of them I think I would have felt a bit put out. We obviously have car seats, cycling helmets, etc.

Luckygirl said
"I try to stick with the sort of routine that the little ones are used to when they are tiny, but as they grow they welcome the break from routine that is represented by being with others than their nuclear family. I try to achieve a balance - not doing what I know my DDs would not like, but not necessarily doing the same things as they do."
I agree with this. Routine is important with babies, but with older ones, knowing that in Granny's house, Granny's rules apply, is a good lesson; that there may be different ways of doing things :-)

The only rule we gave our parents when they cared for our two children was not to take them out in the car unless they had a child's car seat.
All was fine until my then 4yr old son came home from spending the weekend with my in laws. He proudly recounted his ride in Grandpa's van when he went to visit Gt Grandma and what a lovely time he had on the ride back, kneeling between the two front seats and holding onto the backs of his grandparents.
I leave it to your imagination as to the telephone conversation I had with MIL a few minutes later! It probably didn't help my mood much that I had an 8 week old baby at the time and lack of sleep had changed my personality from my normal sweet self to a screaming virago.
Cue MIL refusing to visit or attend said baby's forthcoming Christening. DH backed me up thankfully. They did attend the Christening but it was a bit strained. No apology was ever given but they did soon buy suitable car seats. Ah the joys of family life.......?

When GC were babies I always followed DIL's instruction sheet, certainly about bottles and which foods to use when weaning. Once they were old enough to stay at Grandma's then it was left to my discretion as to what they ate but they still expected reasonable bedtimes which I agree with.

Followed rules (not too many and given verbally) when my DGC were babies and, with one DD, was expected to keep a record of what they ate (which I did). At this point, I know the rules and routines for each set of grands, just have to be told if/when there's a change.

Generally, I'm happy to follow their rules though, as long as nothing conflicts with my house rules (so far, it never has). That's what I expected of my DM when she babysat my kids.

On a more somber note, here in the States, there is, unfortunately, a growing number of GPs who are raising their GC, often due to parents being strung out on drugs and so forth. I would rather have a parent come to mewith a list of rules any day, even if they used both sides of the page!

I never left instructions with anyone: husband, mother or mother-in-law. I assumed they had enough nous to cope. I also assumed they wouldn't do things exactly (or even remotely!) the same way as I did. It didn't worry one jot even when I left DD1, whom I was still breast feeding, at five months old, to go to an OU summer school. She was fine, and although she gave me a dirty look when I came home, she carried on breast feeding for several more months no bother.

It things like this, when I read what other people did, that make me realise how much of a fuss-pot and worrier I was not. That's not a criticism of anyone else, just a self-realisation. Each to their own. I just winged it by instinct. Seems to have worked .

I should think your DiL wouldn't dare give you instructions gilly
Only joking
I remember giving my DM not a list but a whole booklet of handwritten instructions, including suggested menus, and what time she would have to get up, when she came to stay in Hongkong to look after DS and DD1 while I was in hospital for 5 days having DD2.
To be fair, there was no paternity leave so MrA had to go to work & DM was in charge for lengthy periods, and had to take DD2 on 2 buses and a ferry to visit me in hospital.
I really think it depends how long the GC are being looked after and whether it's your place or theirs.
I tend to look after the GC at their place so welcome detailed instructions.

I have been having my 3 DGC overnight since they were only weeks old. I can honestly say I have never been given one rule by my DiL, I think she just trusted me and DH to do what we thought was right for our grandchildren. It has worked pretty well as we still have them every week for one/ two nights and everyone is happy.

The first time we looked after my grand daughter overnight we had two foolscap pages of instructions! I have a photo of me showing her the instructions and informing her she wasn't following them.
Times changed. Another gorgeous grandchild later and they are just 'thrown in' and the parents shoot off to enjoy their freedom.

The first time I was due to babysit my GS I had to go round for a practice run beforehand to 'learn' how to bath him and do a massage with baby oil after. Also, what music to play on his iPod during the massage..
I'm all for following a young baby's routine, but a verbal explanation about the massage and music really would have sufficed!!

It's OK to do your own thing until the DGC can talk.
"Oh at granny's we had chocolate"
"We got to watch television"
"Granny lets us.......(long list of disapproved of activities)

Oh deedah and Marmark-just got in from choir practice and am tired esp after a v demanding day at work (with a new computer system-grr!)-and you both made me laugh out loud-thank you!
I wouldn't even walk in the cycle lane-lol!
And lying about the rest-now I couldn't do that. . . . But I would allow them to mislead themselves

I used to follow the rules that worked and lie about the rest I'm sure DD knew quite well that it wasn't all true.

I try to stick with the sort of routine that the little ones are used to when they are tiny, but as they grow they welcome the break from routine that is represented by being with others than their nuclear family. I try to achieve a balance - not doing what I know my DDs would not like, but not necessarily doing the same things as they do.

I'm happy to follow the (few) rules. At least that makes disrupting the routine less likely - I've recently looked after dgs1 twice for a few days, and it made things easy for both of us.

Yes,I follow the rules,not that there's many.But I would never not follow rules anyway.I wouldn't even walk in the cycle lane.

Local DD, mother of 4-she and dear SIL had two batches, like the Queen. DGC now aged 19, 17, 7 and 6 never gave is any insteuctions as she knows we know their routines.
Other DD - a few hours away- had her first baby later than her sister. We don't have the same day to day contact so when we were left in charge I was glad she gave me an outline of times for sleeps etc and which "snacks" she preferred.
As others have said we have done this before and are confident.
I like the monitors so I can keep an eye and ear out during the evening without disturbing DGD.

We stuck generally to feeding times etc but other than that , it's Nana's House Rules .

Both daughters trust me to use common sense and experience to deal with the children and in fact , they eat better and sleep better when they stay with us.

We are consistent and I think the little ones like that.