Am I being unreasonable

Vampire queen - so true. We do our share of child minding in the school holidays (in the middle of it now) but have always made it clear that we are here for emergencies only, not for regular term-time child care. Our off-spring have been very accepting of this and do not take advantage. I do think it is important to lay down the ground rules at an early stage. I'm very sorry to hear of downtrodden grandparents being taken for granted. There appears to be an expectation these days that GPs will take on the burden of child rearing but personally I find even a day or two of it completely exhausting - and I'm fairly fit.

My daughter drops our Grandchild at our home each morning for us to take her to school. In the event of illness, my daughter will telephone me and I will drive to her house for the day. Best laid plans can always be put aside. My Granddaughter comes first.

Even sadder that as she was foreign- she had no suuport from her family at all when bringing up her boys.

Nannyjane You are not being unreasonable - your daughter is.

granjura Your account re your friend is so sad and I can see why you still feel angry that her last holiday was spoiled by the very people you would expect to have wanted the best for her.

Your DD needs to be pulled up short before she pushes you even further. Not only did she wish to foist a sick child on you but then decided she'd dump him at school instead.

I know it's hard for working parents but that's tough At the end of the day they chose to have children. A sick child belongs at home not at grannies and especially not at school. It is so sad to see poorly children laid out on chairs in corridors for hours because mum and dad are both at work and either don't answer their phones or 'can't' leave work early.

I do understand where you're coming from, nannyjane. Looking after grandchildren, and having child care assumed without consultation is not "what grandparents are for" unless they wish it.

Sorry! Wrong thread!

I've been holding back what I've been thinking on this topic but now anno has plunged in, here goes:

What is with these supposed adults behaving like spoiled brats and threatening (or at least making grandparents feel threatened with) loss of contact with grandchildren if the GPs don't do what the Ps want? it's disgraceful!

Mind you, makes you wonder if the GPs have given in to their offspring too often before.

All in all a very sorry situation to be in as a GP.

I'm sure I've said this before, but what do couples do if their parents live too far away to provide child care? Both my DSs and their partners sent their small children to nursery and did without posh holidays until they were all at school. I am fed up with hearing about these adults who apparently take for granted the care given freely and with love by grandparents who obviously don't have their own lives.

Anya: 'She does need to have alternate fall back plans in case of emergencies.'

exactly- and this is what grand parents are for I believe. Our adult children should be responsible for organising child-care, and then grand-parents should be there for emergencies, holidays, special occasions- not there to bring up the kids themselves and be made to feel guilty if they don't.

Despite the distance, DD knows she can ask anytime, and could call at 3 am and I'd be on the next flight, in an emergency. But she would never ever expect us to do all the childcare because THEY choose to both work. There is no question that they both know it is their responsibility fot their children - and wouldn't dream of expecting us to raise the children- but really do appreciate it when we've stepped up when needed- and were really grateful about it. And we loved it.

A friend of mine here had cancer, twice- and after a long period of chemo and radiotherapy- her husband said they should take a holiday so she could relax and have a good rest. Her two sons said they couldn^t possibly go away (they gave one month's notice) as they just HAD to look after the GCs (2 days a week for one son with 2, and 2 days a week for the other with 3)- father put his foot down and told them to sort themselves out, they were going! Saddest thing, she felt terribly guilty and it ruined her holiday- and she died a few months later when the big C came back. I am still furious with the 2 sons!!!

It seems the choice now seems to be to be hard and cold and sulked at, blackmailed even- or door mats. Surely there is a sensible and loving way in between, no?

Your daughter certainly ought to have phoned first that is only good manners and consideration. Having said that the life of a working mother is a hard one and she might have been afraid of an outright refusal which would have made things difficult at work.

In a quiet moment you might want to sit down with her over a or and thrash this out talk this over. She does need to have alternate fall back plans in case of emergencies.

I am a DIL and I think it was unreasonable of your DD to not have informed you of your DGS's illness. If your DD young? If so, that might explain it. I personally don't like my parents to change their plans if we ask if they're available to babysit.
I also think if a child is too sick to go to school, they should be at home with their parents, or you- if agreed upon.
You are doing them a favour. I think a calm discussion just asking them to give you a heads up in the future.
Also, maybe saying no a few times will help them understand that you do have a life.
I'm sorry you're out in this awkward position- you sound like a wonderful Nanny and I hope you all can talk it out and set yourself some realistic and fair boundaries.

You are the one doing the favours and you are entitled to your own life too.

BREEZE. We are talking about grown adults not small children. Don' understand , more like want it all their way.

Nannyjane If Branson is your GS's real name, it may be wise to email GNHQ to ask them to delete the name. Anyone can read these posts, not just GNetters, and you and he could be identified.

I think the lack of understanding re your slimming club lunch is just kids. They can't comprehend that we have lives outside of their own. Hopefully Branson enjoyed it! Re the rest of it, I think you should lay down a set agenda. So she knows where she stands and you know where you stand. Obviously, if there is an emergency, all bets are off, as any family would do. So you're not being unreasonable in my view, to want to honour your lunch and plans, but she needs to know where she stands, to be fair, re getting other child care if you can't do it. It sounds like you do a lot. Don't fall out over it. Just have lunch and sort out a rota or something. Be assertive but calm.