Long story, so bear with me. DS and family live some distance from me and my second DH (400 miles). Ex H lives alone 40 mins away from them, and is very helpful, although his inability to respect boundaries is incredibly annoying. DIL has always been very abusive to me and the ex, especially when drunk, despite the endless help - financial, emotional, babysitting. This is why my DH and I will not/cannot live closer, despite adoring the DGC (5 of them!). Son and DIL are under enormous financial stress (completely overcommitted) and DS is working 70+ hours a week. DIL is part-time. They are now separated and things could get nasty (alcohol and violence - violence initiated by DIL biting and punching him, no excuse for son's retaliation, and he admits this and is very upset with himself ). Crisis a few weeks ago when one of the children needed hospitalisation. Ex took the 2 eldest (girls, aged 7 and 9) back to his, to take some of the strain. Apparently DS had warned him previously about being too close to the girls (showering them, just walking into their room without knocking etc). One of the girls just told her mother that grandad had again showered them, and according to DS, who doesn't want to worry me, and therefore hasn't given me all the details, had "washed their bottoms". The separation is at a critical point and of course,this has caused loads of stress and potentially DS's access is compromised. He's a wonderful dad and would die for his kids.They worship the ground he walks on and the air he breathes...mother is very authoritarian and housepround..operates on the screaming technique. DIL' s mother has no contact, never helps (lives 1 hour away)sister is pretty useless and no-one from that family gives a toss. Ex now banned from seeing kids or visiting, but I am so worried about the effects on the girls and also on my DS's future as a dad. Sorry about this being so long and complicated but I just don't know what to do...Help and advice would be so appreciated.
