Gransnet forums

Grandparenting

Page 4 of 4 | First | Previous | Next | Last
| Flip | Customise |

To ban the mean MIL to see my children?

(79 Posts)
Add comment | Report
NfkDumpling Sun 24-Jul-16 06:37:26

How long has she been like this? And how old is she? My own mother changed after her menopause. She too was inclined to be unforgiving and expected perfection from those around her and this really came out when she was in her 50s and emotionally she went through a really bad time. Luckily she had a close school friend who talked to her. It helped her relationships with most people, but she still let rip at my father and myself as she knew we would forgive her.

Does your MiL treat you husband and your FiL the same way? (They could hide it). If they get the sharp edge of her tongue it could be a compliment that she includes you in the select circle of those who love her enough to forgive!!

For now it may be best to keep your distance just avoid her until you feel stronger and have had time to assess the situation and talk it calmly through with your DH. Cry off invites to their house and let the boys go alone, and try to avoid asking her to yours.

Add comment | Report
Hilltopgran Sun 24-Jul-16 00:50:00

Try to give yourself some space to get over the shock and hurt, before you decide how to mange this situation. Avoid visiting for a few weeks, in law relationships are hard, and only work if everyone behaves in an acceptable social way.

It was an awful and unforgivable thing to do, but why did she do this, is she having problems with other people as well.

Do not let this sour your relationship with your husband, and do not be surprised if he is unable to say his Mother is in the wrong, sons views of their Mother is often very different from their wives. Banning would bring more problems, how would your son feel not seeing his grandparents, but you do not have to see her or be involved, and in your place I would not visit or invite her round for some time.

Stay away from confrontation and your MIL until you feel more able to be calm around her, then you do need to try for the sake of everyone to try to sort this out, but if your MIL can not be pleasent to you then you have the option not to include her in your family special events and your husband will have to find other ways to keep in touch.

Add comment | Report
phoenix Sun 24-Jul-16 00:23:06

I think to not allow contact between her and your children at this stage might be a bit ott.

Surely there is room for conversation, and hopefully sorting things out.

Add comment | Report
xiaoaiwei Sun 24-Jul-16 00:10:58

My MIL and I had good relationship in the beginning , I thought I was lucky. But after some incidents she has showed her true colour, her own husband , my FIL has said she is a very unforgiving person and always very critical.
But I still try to put everything behind and want her have a relationship with my children.
But a few days ago, we were celebrating my son's 10th birthday at their summer house, out of blue, she opened confrontation against me, accusing me sth I had no idea , she was very aggressive and angry and raised her voice, I didn't want to ruin my son's party and apologised in tears anyway, but was feeling panic so had to take diazepam to calm down. Thankfully I was able to get back to the party and my son didn't notice anything wrong.
But after I had some time to reflect, I realised how awful this thing was. She planned to ambush me right in middle of my son's party, never mind she claimed so many times she lovers my children, and a lot things she said was her exaggeration and wrong interpretation . My FIL and sister-in -law were both kindly conforming me and told her what she did is wrong. Except my husband , I was very disappointed and hurt he didn't stand up for me.
So apparently she really didn't like me and despite everything I did, she only wants to be critical to me, and worst is she chose to attack me during my son's party as she knew this would hurt me most. What an awful thing to do!
I am now in pain and have never felt so hurtful, after all I thought she was family. No need to say the relationship with husband is terrible now.
I would like to ban her from seeing my children again, as she just approved how terrible person she was.
Am I right to do so? Just want to hear from the grandparents , as all my friends were agreeing with me and said they would have left with children there and then and never spoke to her again.

Page 4 of 4 | First | Previous | Next | Last
| Flip | Customise |