Grandma, where's Mummy gone

I do think small children of nursery age are quite capable of making a fuss to impress their parents.

Grannabyis right. Never just disappear just a quick kiss a wave goodbye and go with a "see you later." then distract.

Regarding nursery-when my grandson started at nursery it happened to fall on my watch, when I was looking after him every day for the three months of my daughter's teaching placement.
He cried every time I took him there, cried in the car on the way, cried when I was waiting to be let in at nursery, cried when they took him off. I'm glad it was me who was taking him as if it had been my daughter it would have broken her heart. Mind you, she was the same when she was little!
I used to ring nursery to check he was ok later in the day and every time he would be fine after I'd gone. One day I had to stay and do some form filling, he thought I'd gone and shut up completely, little bugger!
He was fine after a couple of weeks, the bright, breezy and brief goodbye scenario is the way to do it (tho I did feel very upset as he was clinging to me and crying) . We've all been there before, just harden your heart and smile! X

Subsequent short but getting a little longer each time trips to the day nursery are getting better. Like the idea of waving bye bye and then breakfast. 3 full days at Nursery start week after next so progress is being made.

Wow, thank you ALL for your tips. Trips to day nursery for short stays (she will be going three days a week) have not proved successful and very distressing for lovely dil to hear the crying. She will be with me for one and other Grandma for one day. Not spent as much time one to one as would like as I am still working full time til the end of August then working for four days. Toy box is full with more on the way. CBBC will be on standby and shhhhhush dare I say a packet of chocolate buttons in Grandma's cupboard. Mummy need never know. Distraction techniques were always a fav of mine when the boys were little.

LOL MANY THANKS DEEDAA [WINK]

It might not be to everyone's taste, but make CBeebies your friend!! I've had my grandson 2 days a week since he was 3 months old. Recently he had to come every day for 3 months, as my daughter was doing a school placement for her teaching degree. He was then just over 2, and although I never had any problems with him before, every day it was a bit of an issue being at Grandma's AGAIN! He used to cry when mummy went to work, so this is what we did.
I'd have a drink and a biscuit ready upstairs, she'd bring him in and bring him upstairs to me. "Ooh look, grandma has a biscuit for you (She rarely has biscuits at home!) He'd be distracted by that and CBeebies, she'd quickly say goodbye and go. He used to ask where's mummy gone, I'd say to work and she'd be back soon, ooh look what the Teletubbies are doing!
I'm back to having him 2 days a week now, mostly so he doesn't lose the habit of coming round here during the school holidays, but in September I'm having him 3 days a week. Even though he comes round later now, he still wants me to be upstairs with his drink, biscuit and the Teletubbies, so if I've already got up I have to go back upstairs to wait for him so he can find me!
He's 3 next month and quite vocal, but he never cries now when mummy goes to work. Distraction techniques are the way to go!

When I use to visit my son after work on a Friday, his 2 year old would say I am packed and I am coming to stay with you nan... Never had the heart to say no... But of course she was 2 and not 10 months! Now she contacts me on Facebook saying she's coming to stay!

Good luck ! Has your gd been spending time with you on her own before now ? If not ....may not be too late ! My daughter spent a lot of time with grandma from a very young age (all the aunties used to visit, and grandad was retired ..the next door neighbour would pop in as well, so she was used to seeing different faces !) ....but when she went to Kindergarten aged 3 she yelled every time I tried to leave ....and this worried me ! However, the teacher said 'as soon as your back is turned, she is fine ....rushes over to play with the others'.....distraction techniques seemed to work ! A lot of my friends look after grandchildren of different ages for different times, and they report no problems ....just try to spend some time preferably alone, with her prior to Sept 1st and I am sure everything will be fine !

Grandjura - I thought the same at first!

I avoided opening this thread- as it sounded so so sad. So glad to read it isn't what I thought it might be- Pheeeew.

Spend as much time with her as possible before September & make sure you are left alone with her too.If your daughter can go out briefly & leave you with her so much the better. I found that the crying ( although usually only if they were a bit under the weather) soon stopped when they spotted the toy box & we sat on the floor to play together.It is very useful having a box of toys that live at Grandma's & stay there for next time when they leave.Now they cry when they have to go home!!

Enjoy the time. I love looking after my x4 grand children.
The diffrent young children act differently to being left with Grandma.
I often say mummy/daddy has gone and it is grandma now to our grandson when he looks around. He might go to the door for a few minutes then starts to play.
The oldest grandchild is 6 and only got upset when she got tired at bed time. I sorted this with a half an hour on the sofa with book = quiet time in the afternoon. Not so over tired and she accepted bed time better.
We split our time with child's choice of what activity and grandma's needs to house things.

We always did the waving goodbye and I also put lots of toys out before arrival so we could turn from the window and get down on the floor (could do it then) and have a play before breakfast. A trip out at some point during the day.

Tegan how long do phases last? No idea! Yes when you are in them they last forever, but I never notice when they pass till they are well over! Children change so much from week to week and you suddenly realise that they have stopped one behaviour but I couldn't tell you how long ago. I am sure your DGD will stop taking it out on mum soon and if mum realises what is happening, can try to ignore it and stay calm I am sure it will help.

Yes I have found its best for Mum to wave bye bye- they may be a bit upset but mostly get over it very quickly with distraction. However even though they are happy all day, when Mummy returns excited delight turns to hysterical tears if she disappears again eg to go to the loo! I have seen this pattern with three of them at about 18 months. However another grandchild at about 2 was hysterical for about 15 mins when his Mum went but then seemed to suddenly decide crying was gtting no result and that hed better put up with me!

At the time I rather resented the early half hour drive at 6.45 to collect no.1GS, 8 months old at the time, but he was used to coming home with me for an hour or two several times a week - difficult birth, difficult baby, mum needing a break - so it was no big deal for him. Much bigger deal for me as he never slept more than 35 minutes at a time during the day wherever he was but it was the best thing I ever did and he and I have such a special relationship. I can't add to the heaps of good advice above. Visit as often as possible in the next weeks would be my best suggestion.
I now look after no. 3GS and we watch the cars go by and we hear the trains and I talk about all the mummies and daddies going to work and how they look forward to coming home to their little boys and girls and he joins in the conversation and is at ease with it.
Good luck Monkey 63. It may be rocky for a while but the relationship you will build together is priceless.

Yes, I agree with Phoenix, and I think it was something that Penelope Leach recommended. I feel very strongly that the parent shouldn't just "disappear" I think that must be unsettling for a child and could lead to trust issues.
Good luck! I hope you enjoy it - keep eating spinach!

I agree that the child, whatever age, should know that Mum/Dad have gone out. The first few times they may be a bit upset but quickly realise that Mum will come back. Honesty is the best policy!

I agree with Phoenix, it's far easier for a child to accept being away from mum if you collect them from home and mum waves them good bye from the doorstep. As far as the child is concerned they're going out for a good time while mum is still safely at home. Then, after two or three visits you can change to your GC being dropped off if this is more convenient.

This applies to grand-dogs as well I find!

From when my g'dtrs were little I have always made sure we stand in the front garden / front door and wave Mummy away, calling, 'See you later, Mummy,' then they soon get the idea that Mummy will return at some point. Follow that with something distracting - drink, tickle, playing, singing, even changing a nappy - anything to grab their attention, and before you know it they are over it. Trick is, if they do cry, don't get flustered because they sense that and just get more upset.
Now that they're a little older I always make sure they know the plan for the day / night, so they are always clear about when they will be going home. Seems to work.

My little granddaughter [18 months] is fine when her mum leaves, but has started to get into a terrible temper with her when she returns. She just seems to be very angry with her. And yet she's happy as anything all day, and incredibly well behaved. It's the same when she's at nursery. Poor mum is really upset about it. I don't remember my grandson being like that, although he did go through a 'not liking daddy' phase when he was about two. Interesting what you say Grannaby; I'll tell DIL. Does the phase last long?? I know when mine were little phases, at the time, seemed to last forever but, in retrospect it was only for a few months.

From childminding days and when first looking after DGC I found that it was always best to always go to a window to wave goodbye cheerfully to mummy, most babies are good at waving. I feel it's more honest and helps the child trust you better rather than having mummy just disappear. If your window gives a view of mummy leaving by car ask her to flash the car lights as a good bye too so you can distract baby by watching the lights as well as waving. Then have something fun/fascinating immediately to hand to help distract, even if it is just turning a tap on and splashing water around in the washing up bowl! I agree with others that if you can have a few practice sessions first with mummy leaving for short periods waving goodbye then returning it helps them know that mummy does come back too. Also be aware that some children can seem to "punish" mummy on her return at the end of the day by turning their back on her or just ignoring her. It is hard for these mums as they expect an excited welcome home having been thinking about their child all day. If this does happen, encourage mum not to take it personally, it is all the readjustment happening for the child in their accepting the change of carer and is perfectly normal. This phase really doesn't last long, but can seem so hurtful. Oh but you will have such fun and they can have fun with the simplest of things: saucepans and lids, getting plastic food containers out of a bigger box, well getting anything out of one container and putting it in another or all over the floor seems fun apparently! Charity shops are brilliant for getting toys and books. Enjoy this special time - somehow they just grow up too quick!

Hi Monkey63 Welcome to the mad house

Welcome monkey and congratulations on becoming a gparent you cold start having GC for short periods now . When mummy goes to work get child to wave and say mummy going to work give a cuddle then get on with enjoying the day .

We actually had the opposite problem, near-hysterical tears when she was going home!!!
We've had babysitting duties from early days and other than complete exhaustion on our parts, no other problems. Our house looks like a very untidy playroom right enough but we wouldn't miss it for the world!