Are we guilty of this?

That MN thread is surprising and quite unkind.
I thought that more grandparents were involved in the day to day care of their DGC than ever to enable both parents to work.

And young mothers should remember that even baby boomers are approaching 70 and some of us are older, coping with illnesses and just don't have the energy to be full-on carers , entertainers for a whole day, then probably cook a meal in the evening for the visiting family.

We love seeing them and doing lots with them, but their boundless energy can be exhausting!

They may realise one day.

Annie. I think the children are crying out for boundaries. Because they can't seem to enjoy what you do for or with them. Concentration is very limited and during games they want it to go their way. Glad to hear they grow up to be ok.

I can't enough if my two DGs. They are very lucky girls as they have three grandparents, my ex sees them maybe every two years as he lives in the States but is very attentive . My son goes abroad a lot on business so the other grandparents or I step in with the childcare. The girls have just spent time on holiday this summer with us three, the other grandparents take them around the countryside and I take them to the beach amongst other things. All our attention is spent having a good quality time with them . Enjoy while we can whilst they want to spend time with us.

Yes Lyndie - some of my 8 grandchildren were, or still are, brought up like this. Taking them out could be terrifying - I had to wrap my arms round one, he was 10 at the time, beside the road on the front at Brighton. You might know how fast and busy that is. He had run up from the beach and was throwing all his strength into going into the road and he very nearly made it - thank God his granddad arrived in time to stop him. He is now grownup and a normal nice young man.

Recently the youngest, 3,(different parents) came to stay and we took her to Tesco to buy a new coat.This cute little girl had to be carried out of the shop screaming before she demolished it. A couple of months earlier we found her beating our new kitten with a large stick.

I really don't know what to do about children brought up without boundaries, Lyndie. If you find out please let me know.

I have mixed feelings about this. I have six grandchildren. Most I get along with and take them places and play games etc. But my son's children have been brought up in this new gentle way and I find them hard to connect with as they don't have many boundaries and just hard work and I find myself feeling negative when they are around. I am trying to be more positive. My DH feels the same. Does anyone else experienced children brought up this way?

This is very sad, but are you not seeing it from the child's perspective?

My Granny often looked after me and my sister when my mother was at work (I'm talking about the 50s) and she didn't play or take us out - she just went on with her day, the washing - we helped turn the handle on the wringer; gardening - we helped plant seedlings; breaking up salt cubes for the water softener; collecting money from the neighbors for National Savings then walking to the Post Office for saving stamps. Sometimes, when the work was done, we did beautiful jigsaw puzzles together.

Granny didn't invent things to do, we didn't play games, we didn't go to theme parks. She just involved us in her normal day which occasionally included a coach trip with the other old ladies.

I loved it and I learned a lot.

I don't see my beautiful Grandson very much, but when I do it's very much hands on.

I think grandparents have to develop their own style of grandparenting! However I feel very annoyed to read in the thread that when grandparents are less involved it is considered to be possibly another aspect of the so called "baby boomer" generation and their so called "selfishness"!! Ridiculous!

I am besotted with my 6 GC, from 3mnths to 16yrs, I hear my sons talk about when they spent time with my parents they have such lovely memories and I want the same for mine, our youngest son was married to a girl who already had 2 children and with great pleasure we invited them into our family and became Nanny and Granddad, we were so proud of them as they grew up, their own GP's didn't bother much about them, unfortunately the marriage broke down and we stayed good friends with their mum after all she was innocent in the marriage breakdown, but after 4 years her two children now grown up no longer have anything to do with us, in fact recently their mother who is about to remarry has also distanced herself from us, it's all so sad and I confess to being quite tearful about the situation I truly miss them and their mum.....in the meantime our other GC all girls are my hearts delight, they are a blessing and I will never understand GP's who don't enjoy being with their GC

I always think my mother missed out on so much. She really only had any interest in my elder sisters son, and that was very limited. When I think how our grandchildren have been part of our lives since the day they were born she didn't seem to want that. They are always sleeping over and we love having them. There is an age range of 22 down to 3. DD2 was left on her own with 3 children and they were always with us virtually from birth. When DD1 went back to work the children were here, and the same with DSs littlest now. The older grandchildren are always popping over. MIL was the same, not really into children. We have always thought ourselves so lucky to be part of their lives, family gatherings are lovely, 16 last Christmas day. We count ourselves very lucky to be grandparents.

Have read your posts TriciaF and yes, our arrangements are much like yours were in the past. Quite low key but nice.
There seems to be a lot of complaining over on Mumsnet, about everything!

It's a symptom of today's society. I watch visitors come round and ignore their children and spend time being busy with phones, tablets etc. I go to visit and find parents ignoring their children and spend time being busy with phones, tablets etc. I volunteer to take youngsters out and do the adults jump up to come with me? No! Some times I'm lucky enough to get a "thanks" but often I wonder if they even hear me.
Just watched one spend the whole hour since arrival on an iPad celebrating the burkini ban being cancelled and only looking up to lecture me on the evils of the French and sexism/racism in today's world. Thought I'd have a break and look on here and what did I find? A complaint from Mumsnetters.

My Mum at 94 was playing table football with our son !! Our house is an extension of their own for our four grandchildren. There are enough toys for a shop upstairs.hThey are often with us and phone with their latest news.The best days are when the two families come for lunch and we sit back and watch the kiddies playing and their parents chatting. Tea is always pancakes and bacon with the four of them cracking eggs and mixing. We feel/hope we are making memories for them. I know how lucky we are and feel very sad for remote GPs because they miss SO much.

I envy you, rosesarered

What all children need ( more than toys, presents, trips out) is having an interest taken in them, and being able to chatter away to an older person who isn't busy or distracted.

I agree with Souperkiki on this, and is probably more what we do.No action packed times with the DGC ( they have that from their own parents anyway) but living locally we see them a lot.The older one likes just being with us, talks, and plays computer games, does crosswords with me, and now and then likes a trip out.The younger ones like to come and run around the garden, bubbles etc or inside to get toys out, or crayon, and we do a lot of meals and help out the DC now and then with babysitting.
The DGC just enjoy being here, but of course we interact with them, talk, laugh, watch them do things.

My inlaws are like this. I think they like the idea of being grandparents, but not the reality. They would invite us up for a week, maybe MiL would do crafts one morning, they would come out with us for a day out, but the rest of the time they would be doing their own thing in their own studies (very big house) and leave us to it. I would then find that I was expected to cook most of the meals 'because you know what everyone likes' and even have piles of their ironing shoved in front of me. They also chose all the tv programmes, so the children started to not want to go.

They used to come to us, but couldn't cope with it at all, so now always book themselves into B&Bs, appearing just before lunch. As our children were very quiet, and good at entertaining themselves, I found it all very strange. Now that the children are young adults, they all get on very well but the inlaws have very selective memories when they talk about past visits!

The HUGE cupboard full of crafts that they were never allowed to use because it was far too messy there was never enough time.

Nannyg1, many of the Mums over there gave themselves rude names because they were fed up with the DM quoting them .

I think it most probably is a breakdown of communication between the generations. Some GPs don't always want to take the initiative with the grandchildren in case the darling DIL is critical of their "interference" - you can guess where my pet gripe comes from - :-)

However, I take issue with the comment from one of the posts, saying that it is some sort of "baby boomer, selfish thing...." - what on earth does that mean? And who on earth is going to take seriously someone who calls herself "TitaniasTits" - a bird lover, perhaps?

I moved to be nearer my DD & GS last year as I am now widowed & needed to be closer to DD as I have some health issues. I don't see a lot of my GS (he is 6) due to commitments of school & football training, also he has now started playing for an Under 8s team. I unfortunately am not allowed to drive at the moment so I cannot visit - only 10 miles away but bus is a nightmare.

When my DD, her OH & GS come over we have a great time, he chats away just enjoying my company - he also knows I cannot get on the floor to play with him but I will sit & listen to his chatter & join in when he's playing with his football figures (what else for a football mad boy)

We often go out for coffee or a meal in the school holidays & he chats away about what he has done, he is also very considerate about the fact I can't walk far - not bad for a 6 year old.

He's constantly telling me he loves me & giving me cuddles, his misses my late DH as he adored him. Sadly his other GPs who live locally & drive have little time for him but lavish all their attention on other GD

Hey there, no obviously she needs to visit some of the other GPs then. I have and always have had my grandchildren, holidays, babysitting, school takings and school pickups, I wouldn't have it any other way and nor would my children. Both my husband and myself love having them. We have recently moved away, but I have travelled down south to pick them up, they have stayed with us practically every holiday so far. GREAT! The mums net lady should read some of your comments. Maybe she should talk to the GPs and let them know what they are doing. Could it be that she hasn't made an effort herself. Maybe it's a bit of both. Maybe GM and GF think that they are only visiting as a duty!!! Maybe GPs think that DIL doesn't like them (some of you know how that feels) maybe the GPS think that they don't want them with them. OH DEAR! what a shame

We see our grand daughters around once every 2 or 3 months.....they're my Steps actually, but I love them to bits.
I've started the Tradition of having a Lucky Dip Bag and the 2 girls love that. A friend brought her girlie round to see me and I did one for her....she's never seen a Lucky Dip Bag before. Bless her. I think now the tradition will be passed on. LOL.

I couldn't believe that this happened, until I read so many similar experiences. I do think though as you get older, it is a lot more tiring to play and interact with young children all day. For some grandparents maybe it is enough to just have them around or to stay with them and they don't necessarily see the need to play with them all the time. If they live a long way from them perhaps the imagining is different to the reality! My own parents adored my children and often looked after them, but I don't think that generation went in for pandering to them.

Souperkiki I was thinking along those lines too.
We lived with Mum's parents for a few years, then lived just around the corner from both sets and saw them most days but the relationship was casual. There were weekly family get-togethers and no-one had more attention than anyone else.
So different from the rare visits nowadays that some of us have, when more seems to be expected on both sides.

What a shame. GPs who don't play with their GCs or interact with them are missing out on so much fun. But maybe they really don't know how? I love playing with my DDs three, and would probably even love playing with my DSs youngsters, but his eldest is all grown up and does her own thing, the middle child is his stepson aged 10 (11 in two weeks) and is quite introverted and I haven't yet been able to break into his world. But I'll get there. His other child is only 2 so easier to play with but he is quite shy and clings to his mum when we visit - as though we are alien monsters. My DiL is Latvian and absolutely lovely and both children speak English and Latvian (as does my DS). We're having my DDs eldest, a 7yo GS, to stay for the first weekend of the October half term, and has taken his GDs talk on Elf and Safety on the boat quite seriously and when the come to visit delights in giving instructions to his little sisters.

I just can't understand GPs who just look in from the outside and then carry on doing their own thing