Daughter and grandkids living abroad

The way I handle it when my DS rather overdoes the telling off is to take my eldest GS away from the scene give him a cuddle and suggest ways he can avoid something like this happening again. I say nothing to my DS who would think I was interfering. It's hard to keep quiet but us the best option IMO.

You don't mention whether the seven year old seems upset by the shouting or how much shouting there is. There's a big range of irritation between snappy irritation at a child's clumsiness (you mention accidents; I realise clumsiness may not be the issue) and full on yelling abusiveness. I don't think all shouting is harmful for a child; it depends on quite a few variables.

I hope things settle down soon between the two families

My daughter and grandchildren live abroad and if we are lucky they visit us each summer and I go to see them during the winter. It is hard to keep in contact at a distance but the time together is precious. As a family unit they have to manage without support from us and other family members most of the time, so I take the option of keeping things as pleasant as possible when we are all together.

I have learnt to see and say nothing, unless it is raised with me. It is so different from how we were with our parents, and hard though it is we have to accept that things are different for the current generation of parents.

Thanks for your input. This happens and happened at their home too.
You gave us something to ponder over.

It is doubly hard for you as you see so little of them so do not know what the norm is. There is no way of knowing whether the visiting is stressful to your SIL and triggers this unfortunate reaction or whether he is normally a good father.

I can understand your DD being upset that your OH spoke to her about it. Your SIL is likely to regard this as unwarranted interference and relationships are bound to be strained. This is unfortunate as one of the things that grandparents can do is to be there to support and help when things go wrong - and they are now less likely to turn to you.

Unless you think this child is being seriously abused I think that you have no choice now but to let the dust settle a bit before pressing for contact.

I fear this is the problem being gradparents when one can see what is going on but cannot or should not interfer. I learnt this early by my older son, so despite so often hearing my grandaughter crying her eyes out, I don't interfer.

For example my late father interred with my older brother's family which in the end led to a divorce