The ups and downs.

mcem
morethan2

Well done, it is hard looking after DGC at the best of times but you have all the added worries.
You're bound to get dispirited but you are doing a wonderful job.

Well done morethan on keeping going today. I'm afraid I've had a very lazy day.
GS had a temperature and was sick no fewer than 6 times overnight on Friday and we had very little sleep. He slept a lot yesterday before I reluctantly handed him over to their (separated) father in the evening.
GD and I made lavender bags and dancing dolls while he slept.
So apart from a lovely chat with their mum while we both enjoyed some peace and quiet today, I've done as little as possible. Lots of washing after Friday night but the machine took care of that!!

I just had a bad day yesterday. Occasionally I feel really overwhelmed. I'm better today. Mummy's out of hospital but can do very little. I'm cooking dinner and taking it over. I nearly fell over myself when they suggested they come here. I must have sounded horrible when I said a very loud NO. But it's not the cooking it's the tidying up after them that I find hard. The constant "nanna nanna,nanna" so this way I go, serve, eat and leave. Quickly. I'm only a chink in the chain of helpers. It's hard for all of us. Of course it's harder for my DiL who want nothing more than look after her own family.

mcem and morethan2 As Gaggie3 said your stresses put what I feel are worries into perspective.

(((hugs))) to all in situations like this.

Thanks for all the kind comments but I don't claim to be the mainstay of the family as so many here are. I just do my share within a supportive family.
However I have posted on the thread in praise of carers and give credit to my lovely GD (16)!

morethan and mcem and all other gransnetters going through such heartbreaking times - I send love ❤️️and (((hugs))) Thinking of you all ?

My own petty little worries are so insignificant compared to what some GNetters are coping with. Good wishes and and to all who are struggling so valiantly to care for their loved ones of all ages.

I know your feeling fragile but unfortunately little ones do get bored on rainy days. How about making some fairy cakes or laying big sheets of paper on the kit when floor for drawing on, or as its autumn (although raining ) go to local woods look for fungus,consumers,berries on tree's etc then perhaps home for a DVD,biscuit and hot chocolate. Good luck !

Morethan2 I'm so sad for you please be strong and remember life is like that, so don't blame yourself.

Morethan2 you are doing a wonderful job during this very difficult time for you and your family.Your grandchildren are naturally missing their mother and worrying about her which is bound to affect their behaviour to some degree.Please don't feel guilty-children of this age are hard work at the best of times.It sounds like your husband is helpful and supportive-why not give the girls a special "grandad" half hour,where they sit and watch tv/videos or read a book together.This wouldn't be too taxing for your hubby after a day a work and would give you time for a walk or a lie down or whatever would refresh you.You need a break and to take care of yourself too! I hope that things will soon improve for you all.

Our grandaughter lives with us permently she has lived with us since she was six. She was always untidy until she got in her teens she is better now but I have to nag her to put her uniform and clothes in the laundry bin, which is at the bottom of her bed.
I think your doing a great job and it can't be easy what with the worry of your daughter too.

More than it must be very hard for you we all know how hard grandchildren can be and with all what's going on they must be picking up moods . I think you are doing a very

Hard job take care of yourself sending hugs to you all and I hope your dil is home soon ??

Dear morethan2, I read your posts with a tear in my eye - I know from looking after my own DG how tired you can be and no matter how nice the children they often squabble. From what you describe the children are finding the situation hard to deal with and must be missing their mother. Please use any of the supports available to you - McMillan / MC / Dorothy House and talk to the school in case they notice a change in the girls' behaviour - schools usually have pastoral care. Most of all take care of yourself - maybe find a cleaner / send the clothes to be ironed or anything that will free you up so you are less tired.

I agree with other comments - get some videos for the girls - these can be found in charity shops or from libraries and are often reduced in supermarkets, etc. Take them to the local soft plays for an hour or two to work off some energy and to the local parks when the weather is good (or wrap up when it is not so good). I do hope that your DIL can be helped - as a long term supporter of Cancer Research it is good know that people are benefitting from the walks, etc. my friends and I have gone on over the years.
Best wishes

My heart goes out to you, are you in touch with the caring for carers services through the GP? They can sign post you to other sources of help and also give you space to talk, express feelings etc. There are no easy answers but I hope you find some solutions. With love light and healing for you all, xxxx

I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you do your best it will be for the best because you can't do better than that. Sounds to me Morethan2 like you're an angel in disguise and in years to come the children and your DiL will recognise that and thank you for it. Nothing more other than to wish your Dil a full recovery as I'm sure she will.

morethan MacMillan nurses can be a wonderful support to the patients family too.
Perhaps think about contacting them.

I am so glad I mentioned it

The adverts are meant to be hard hitting to raise money but they are painful for those who may be scared they might need those services.

When you have lived all your life in a country with such a wonderful welfare state as the UK and you have contributed your fair share if not more towards it, it is bewildering in your time of great need the service you need depends on charity.

This is not complaining but just honestly expressing how I felt when I was in that situation. I am always very grateful when I hear of people and groups raising money for cancer charities and I do participate in some but I find it hard, yet every month I raise money and shop for baby food and toiletries for a family charity centre.

Oh ajanela thank you so much for sharing that. I really thought I was odd. I simply cannot watch or hear any of the adverts for cancer charities. I too hold my breath the whole thing is unbearable. I know without people contributing to these charities my DiL prognosis would be much shorter. I also her life may depend on a breakthrough supported by these charities. But for now they only remind me of how bleak our lives have become.

My heart goes out to all of you who are facing these heart-breaking situations. It puts my petty problems into proportion. I have such great admiration of the way you are dealing with the situation. Take care of yourselves, you are the rock of your family - they need you so much

My daughter also suffered Breast Cancer. She is a single parent and my fear was for my grandson. I discovered I didn't have the energy and our lives change but like all the other GP we just do our best. Now all is going well

I know it is a wonderful service but I did find the adverts for the Macmillan nursing service difficult to watch especially when my daughter and I were watching TV together. We just sat in silence, me hardly breathing.

Sorry not really relevant but I just needed to share that.

Lovely as they are, it's demanding caring for youngsters even when life is on an even keel never mind when there are big health worries in the family as well. Don't beat yourself up mthan2, you're doing a great job in supporting them all. Hope both you and Mcemcan find support to look after yourself too, you're in for the long haul with your family and you're realistic enough to know it's not going to be easy. We all hope we won't have to watch our children face situations like this but know too that we'll support them to the hilt if that's way life goes for them.My heart goes out to you both xx

Oh morethan - what a dreadful business. So stressful and distressing for you all. - look after yourself too.

Thanks all. mcem I hope both our our women have a better health for a time. My DiL has breast cancer and secondary bone cancer. She just had a mastectomy and they found it had spread to her neck. She's responded well to the treatment for the secondary and it is contained for now. My own GP has told me its generally 3-5 years but can be longer. It's early days for us just 7months since the diagnosis but it's been harrowing. Just when I think I'm coping well somthing will bite me on the arse bum and I'm back to were I started just terror stricken. I just don't seem to be able to find a balance. I'm so worried about the little ones 7.6&4 and the affect it's having on them. I don't want the 18 year old to feel she is saddled with all the responsibility. My son is coping admirably but even he has the occasional wobble and I know he's terrified. Her family are wonderful but worn down by it all. Today was a bad day and I don't really know why. I've calmed down a little now.[ Phew emotion ]

my thoughts are with you to mcem

morethan I feel for you as I'm in a similar situation although DD is not in hospital at the moment. Over the last year alone we've had so many birthdays 'celebrated' by her hospital bed. Her own 40th and my 68th but the poignant ones were the 6th and 7th of the wee ones. She missed the 18th of the eldest too.
It's hard to keep the little ones going at times and all I can do is abandon any kind of housework to focus on them and then try to sort out the chaos when they go (by which time exhaustion is setting in).
I don't know of course what your DD's prognosis is and I hope things improve.
My daughter's is a nasty chronic condition which is not right now life-threatening but there's little hope of significant improvement.
My GC's have known only this all their little lives but I'm proud to see how resilient they are and how they cope with mum's absence for weeks at a time.