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Grandparenting

Teenage granddaughter won't speak to me after parents divorce

(6 Posts)
Chattybarbara Sun 09-Oct-16 12:00:32

my son divorced his wife recently after years of unhappy marriage but had only stayed so long because of his adored daughter - eventually he decided enough was enough and has left, and is now living on his own. She has poisoned the daughter (14) against her father (witnessed by a number of different people who are shocked at her behaviour), so that she will not speak to him and he doesn't see her despite his constant attempts to do so. I saw her a few times afterwards in the school holidays and all was fine, on the last occasion I asked her why she didnt speak to her daddy and she said it was because it would upset her too much, so I told her that it is ok to be upset and that he loved and missed her, and then we carried on with our day out and all was fine. Out of courtesy I texted the mother to say that I had the conversation so that she was aware - this loosed the hounds of evil and now my granddaughter will not see or speak to me either. Any suggestions? My ex daughter in law will not speak to any of my family, she does answer my texts but that is as far as any communication goes. My son is distraught.

Mumsy Sun 09-Oct-16 13:04:38

I do feel for you, Im in a similar position where I had a chat to my daughter after a conversation with my adult grandchildren, of course I was in the wrong and my daughter didnt beat about the bush to tell me. Ive not seen or heard from my grandchildren or daughter in months! I have tried messaging and sending emails but they never reply! Ive now given up trying.

Chattybarbara Sun 09-Oct-16 13:13:01

When they are grandparents themselves they will realise just how we only want the best for our grandchildren and would not hurt them for the world - it upsets me so much to think that my granddaughter thinks badly of me through being lied to by her mother, who for some reason hates me - I treated her like my own daughter and did so much for her. Oh well, maybe one day things will get better. My son in the meantime is really losing out on her childhood, they were inseparable until the divorce, now he never sees her, ghastly situation.

Luckygirl Sun 09-Oct-16 13:35:57

Rock and a hard place spring to mind! Divorce brings out so many deep-seated emotions even when it is the right decision.

jenpax Sun 09-Oct-16 13:43:15

I can't help feeling there must be two sides to the marriage break up you mention unhappy for years but maybe your DIL was also unhappy perhaps your son was not blameless either? If your DIL felt that you were siding with your son this is probably why your DGD won't see you again. 14 year olds have their own ideas of parents and her view if her dad may be very different from yours! Have you suggested family counselling it might help?

Chattybarbara Tue 11-Oct-16 11:59:18

jenpax - you are right, there are always two sides and he wasn't blameless, but also a bit too long suffering. I stayed staunchly neutral and said I would support their decisions whatever the outcome and did not want to interfere. They have tried all the counselling available and are now divorced but DGD is refusing to budge. What is sad is that she was fine with me until DIL interrogated her after the last visit - I was divorced and never ever ran down my ex husband to the children, they found out for themselves when they were adults what he was really like but had a happy childhood in the meantime. Oh well, I am lucky enough to have other grandchildren, so will just hope that when she is older she will realise I am not on anyone's side, I just want everyone to be happy.