DIL anxious about me

Go above and beyond to let her know that you acknowledge that SHE is the mom and in charge, and that you are only there for support. If for any moment she feels like you think you are in charge, you will be ousted. Trust me. Be humble as the child is another mother's.

I'm late to this thread but LOVE the update! Thanks for letting us know the outcome, grandreg!

Madgran77

These people have made it work and that is great.

However I still do strongly believe that taking care of a New Born baby is not a job for a grandparent, be it male or female.

I think it is too much and can be a dangerous situation for a New Born.

I answered your question as felt it rude not to, however I have no wish to enter into any argument and wish that you respect, as I do yours, my opinion.

Thank you

Serkeen Why on earth is it not appropriate for a Grandad to look after a young baby? (I know you misunderstood re OP) ...I mean if its ok for a Grandma why not ok for a Grandad? What possible difference can there be if the grandparent is fit, healthy and willing!!!!!

That is so lovely. It is great when people come back to up date. I have 8 grandchildren ranging from 23 down to 2. The youngest 2 are really close to my DiLs mum and dad who live close to them.It is such an amazing thing to witness their relationship with their maternal Grandparents. When they visit they tell us all about the adventures they have had.We have been come good friends with the other set of grandparents and they often include us in their days out.

I wish you lots of joy with your little one.

OK I thought that as name has Reg in it that OP was male

OP is a grandma Serkeen

Why would it be inappropriate for a grandfather to care for a grandchild ?

Did not see the update either...

I am so happy that things have turned out well, did not realise you would have help from your wife thought you would be taking care of baby alone, which is why I showed my concerns.

Well done and like others have said it is nice to read a Happy story

I personally do not think that her feelings of anxiety are irrational.

I think it's a crazy idea for a grand dad to take care of a NEW BORN on a regular basis.

It is very hard looking after a New Born Baby! and not really a job for a Grandad to do long term or on a regular basis, as an older person you will get tired and possibly may not be able to cope and could put baby at risk.

I am not saying that because you are elderly you are not capable of taking care of a baby but a new born baby is a lot of hard work!! If perhaps it was an older child I think Mum would be less anxious

I think her fears are founded and I think there might be a little guilt coming from Mum .

I have given my honest opinion and hope you take it in the manner that it was given.

Going forward If you decide to go ahead and take care of baby I hope that you will do ok and Mum will settle

Wasn't around for your OP, but what a lovely update. 'The light of the family's says it all. Well done and how lovely to read of a happy and healthy MIL/DIL relationship.

Sorry did not realise that this was an update. How great that it has all worked out so well

How lovely that she can be so open but also so self aware about herself and her anxiety ...rather than turning it into "your fault" or making you feel inadequate! Once she is back at work, I'm sure everything will settle down nicely, and the care routine will just become normal! Its so nice that you and she have such a positive open relationship.

Amelia Jane and Grans. ?

It's been 9 months since I have been watching my gd 2 days a week, and she will be 1 in a week! Wow, time flies!

It has been the most awesome 9 months. She is such a good baby, and boy are we having fun. She jumps into my arms when she arrives, and we play all day, grammas fun house! She naps like a angel, eats like a horse, and loves to be outside. I take her to my barn to visit the horses often, and she loves it!
She is the light of our family! Most importantly, her parents are wonderful and so appreciate of the time I spend with her, and are grateful she is safe and so happy.
Just thought I would give a happy update!

I love a happy ending?

I find guidelines for the care of my GCs useful...not for the mum or me but to ensure the little ones are not too disrupted. Of course, I do 'adapt' the guidelines to suit the situation.

It's so sad young mums have to go back to work before they are ready.

Am glad the posts helped. I've yet to post a query of my own, but am sure that day will come. Still, the posts I follow have been invaluable. So many wise people here who have been there and done that. It's why I joined Gransnet!

Thank you all for your kind words and advice! Things are better already. My dil messaged me she is feeling so much better after our talk and is so thankful to have me and our family in their lives. She has decided to only go back to her work, ( a nurse) 4 days a week. My son is a firefighter and works every 4 days, so we are working out a great plan that works for everyone!
DIL is very organized and will have a plan, that I will follow to a T, that will make her feel better. I will love every second of being with my GD!
Thanks again!

I have a photo of my DGS2 aged about a year old, on my front room carpet looking at my DD's typed list of instructions with a shocked look on his face. The time was 5am. The caption says "Oh, sorry Nana, you're right - apparently I don't wake up till 7!".

It's very natural for the younger generation to forget that we've all been there (or to think that we're dotty old enough to have forgotten all we once knew). They soon get over it and leave us to get on with things in our own inimitable ways. You sound like a truly lovely MIL and DGM, and I'm sure all of this angst will soon be forgotten. Enjoy your lovely granddaughter!

Ack, forgot to copy and paste the last paragraph I'd written.

DIL now is totally comfortable with us looking after DGD. Yours will come round. It was a process, not an event, but your screen-name says it all!

icanhandthemback My DIL was eager to get back to work, but not thrilled about her new position since maternity leave. After about a month, though, she had settled in and once again was her old self, enjoying work, but looking forward to the end of the day to get back home to her new family.

She said it's like 'everything' in life has fallen into place since having her DD. She's her reason for getting up in the morning, working hard, planning activities for the family. Luckily my stepson is a good cook and does the evening meals in the week as he finishes earlier. There was a learning curve to changing their lifestyle, but they are so busy and seem really happy with family life vs meeting colleagues or friends for drinks and meals out all week long before having their daughter!

I think you should both be very proud of having such a great relationship. Not many d-I-l's would have been able to be so honest. Other than that I agree with others that you are both bound to be a bit anxious. Time will make things better for both of you. Just keep on being honest and supportive and I am sure things will be ok. And enjoy your beautiful granddaughter.

I can identify with a lot of the above comments. i.e.: Explicit instructions. Must do this, must do that.
My one year old is now about to undergo Sleep training as he wakes several times a night and won't go back to sleep unless taken into bed with parents.

Apparently it's all down to separation anxiety. Never heard of this terminology before D brought it to my attention.

Of course, if all new mums got adequate sleep they could probably cope a lot better.