Working grandson staying with us

absolutely he should contribute! And if that hasn't dawned on him then the lesson about not taking anything for granted needs to be learnt!

When our children started work we all sat down together and worked out what percentage of income went on living expenses and charged them the same percentage. The youngest showed off - she was going to leave home, apparently her friends weren't charged rent and anyway it was "cheaper" than living at home. So we said OK let's work that out too. She was appalled at how much more everything would have been and stayed home until she married! This man has already found this out for himself and I am surprised he hasn't offered to contribute.

He should certainly pay towards his keep. What you could do if indeed you can afford to support him is to put some of his contribution on one side and when he does leave you can present him with a surprise sum in money. Don't tell him you are doing this. Once earning all should contribute to their keep and this must be understood.

My 20 year old stepson came back to live with us last October after his relationship with his girlfriend broke down. We gave him until this month to pick up the pieces of his life both emotionally and physically and then we told him that he was adding to our monthly bills so we'd like a nominal amount of £100 per month. He was happy with this. Whilst we might like to 'do favours' we also need to take their pride into account.

You should have told him before he came to live with you that he would have to contribute towards his keep.....£40-£50 minimum. Nothing in life is free. He needs to pay for his food and energy costs and do his own washing and share in the care of the home too. Why is this question even being asked!

I don't think that you re being unreasonable at all - I liked mumofmadboys idea of the first 2 weeks free and then expecting a reasonable contribution if hes working ( at very least to cover his food ) - He obviously knows that he can't afford a place himself yet and should then understand the costs involved in running a household. The sooner you discuss it the better.

When my DD's were at home, they paid me a third of the wages - increasing when they had an increase. I saved this money (they did not know) and gave it to them when they bought their first home.

We have DD and DSiL living with us, they pay for the additional food and power usage, it's around £50 a week, some more some less

We charged our daughter rent when she returned from university - and gave her the lump sum when she left to live independently

Great minds think alike and at the same time?

My own recent experience of teenage son finishing college and going into work was preceded by my explanation a long time ago that I would be taking 30% of net income. In that way it's not dependent on a certain amount but a reflection of earnings. In addition I expect household chores to be done without murmur and when son isn't working full time hours in a given week he needs to be doing volunteering in the community to make himself useful. There was some resistance but working ok now, I knew there was to be no negotiation on this. In the early days when time lay heavy on his hands I made him accompany me sweeping our street (for the common good!) and clearing our elderly neighbour's drive of leaves etc. It's so important to insist from the outset on a good working, sensible plan which can be defended. I've found that the road to ruin is lying in bed, Facebook surfing and screen based activity. To date, we've save the 30% and it may in future years be used to help with a house deposit but son is unaware of this.

I know times are different as we all seem to be better off than our parents but I used to give my parents a quarter of my take home pay and that seems to be fair. You could always quietly save it up for him for later if you don't need it.

If I remember rightly my mum used to charge me 1/4 of my weekly wage. If this is a large amount maybe you can save some on his behalf from that money so he has money towards a place of his own in the future.
Young people often have larger appetites etc and spend more time using gadgets etc so your bills will definitely be higher!
He sounds like a reasonable young man & I'm sure he'll understand

When one of our sons was contributing twenty five pounds a week towards household expenses when he was working he was cheekyy enough to ask if we were allowed to sublet as we lived in a tied house!!

Is he saving for a deposit and rent for his own place or is he spending on going out and frivolous things? I think it is important for young people to have a social life and fun but you don't have to contribute to that. If he is saving so that he can start an independent life I would try to help with that. Most people would not consider it unreasonable to be expected to contribute at least towards the food bill and I can't see why asking him to do that would be difficult unless he is in debt or genuinely can't afford it.

I am afraid I agree with Bbbface - I was never asked for money by my parents at any stage. However I have seen how irritating it can be from my DS who allows her son and daughter to stay at home in central London and pay nothing.

I suggest that you take money from him and put it into some sort of savings account for him, if you don't really need it yourself. I suggested this to my DS who was somewhat shocked - but I think in the long run this could have been of great benefit to both children.

My elder daughter lived with us for 6months after finishing her masters and before starting work in London .She couldnt sign on (had a legacy which took her over the savings threshold). And found it hard to get temporary work. I was working ft so the 'deal' was she did the cleaning, ironing and cooking .She got a temporary job at John Lewis over Christmas. I gave her the choice of contributing and dropping the ironing (which like me she hates) or continuing with all the chores. She chose the latter.
I think children need to understand that food etc don't fall off trees .If they have lived away from home as students it will hardly be a surprise .We paid all our daughters' university costs but they were a expected to budget/manage within the allowance they git-which went up in line with inflation
Both are now home owners and very good with money .Elder is 31and has only recently acquired a credit card,for furniture etc purchases only . Younger is 27 and still doesn't have one .

No you're not being tight and yes he should contribute, not for your needs but so that he understands there are costs associated with having a rough over his head and all maybe give him some self respect. Many moons ago when our DS came back to live at home for awhile, in his early 20s, I invited he contributed a token amount for the reasons previously mentioned. He realised what an exceptional bargain it was given that he was fed, all laundry done, meals out etc etc. It's the principal that matters, not the amount.

My brother expected contributions from his son. He was very good and would voluntarily increase his contributions when he got a pay rise.
Unknown to him, everything went into a building society and he got the lot with interest when he married

When my children finished Uni and came back to live with me for a while, I took the equivalent of their student lodgings rent from them each month (both were in shared houses so the amount was not huge). I didn't actually need/use their contribution but saved them and then, when they got themselves on the housing ladder, I was able to give them what I had taken from them as a help towards the deposit.

Bbbface. Not necessarily, of course, but all too often it does end like that.
A relative got into gambling in his teens, had a horrendous spree with credit cards in the twenties and still doesn't cope well. Luckily his SO keeps him on a tight rein financially which can't be ideal for either of them.

Hindsight is wonderful ..... And of course I'm sure you realise now that this should have been discussed before he moved in.

So the sooner you discuss expenses with him, the better. Perhaps give him a couple more months 'free' so that he can ahead financially .... But I would definitely give him a specific date when you want him to contribute to the household expenses.

Budgeting is vital for everyone, rich poor or inbetween.

Do his siblings pay rent at home ....

Anyway, bite the bullet and have the conversation, the sooner the better. I'm sure he will 'get it'. He's had his 18 months travelling. Time for him to take responsibility ....

As the eldest sibling when I first started work my parents came up with a formula that we thought was fair and could also be used when my sister and brother began work. It was to deduct travel expenses to and from work and money spent on lunches from take home pay and then I had to pay 50% of the remainder. Whenever I had a pay rise it was recalculated. The same formula was used for our daughters when they started work. Our grandchildren aren't old enough to be working but I am sure my daughters will use the same. When I first started work I earned £28 a week and paid £10. My eldest paid £80 week 14 years ago.

Something friends of mine have done in similar circumstances is to put whatever the agreed sum is (or a part of it) into a savings account or similar each week. When the young person leaves, or maybe later when they might need the help with a deposit or for furnishings, present them with the passbook/lump sum/cheque or whatever.

Of course he should contribute, if he's working. At 21 he must understand that a warm house, hot water and a fridge full of food all have to be paid for.

It's ages ago now, but I charged dds once they'd graduated, were working, and had paid off their student overdrafts. It was £60 a week then, still a lot less than they'd have had to pay in a flatshare.
The odd person told me I was being mean, but I couldn't disagree more. The sooner they learn the realities, the better. I really don't think that letting an adult live for free does them any favours.

If you don't actually need the money you could save it, or part of it, for him.