Asking for too much?

A whole weekend is too much even overnight would be exhausting

Their kids, their responsibility and they are taking the proverbial if they think it's acceptable to dump their children on you for a weekend while they have a wee jolly away.

It's a no from me too on this one.

'Maggiemaybe' and 'craftycat' I'm so pleased to hear that having lots of grandchildren to care for is such a pleasure. I've had my teenage grandson living with me since he was only a few days old and he's such a joy. I would love to have other grandchildren on a regular basis.
I have to stay fit and healthy to help him with his rugby...he practises scrums and tackles with me? and I love it!

Did you have a weekend a month to get away when you were bringing up your kids? I certainly didn't. Perhaps you could once or twice a year but not with all five children . I daresay she does get tired but she chose to have five children and they are her responsibility not yours. I help with my two GDs from time to time when one of their parents goes away . It's loads of fun but I'm not so young now so it is tiring. I share this with the other grandparents and it works well. My DS and his wife are very thankful and appreciate the help. If I ever had to say no I couldn't imagine them 'blackmailing' into changing my mind.

Reading the post I am concluding that only one of these children is your grandchild as you write the other girls are DSDs.

Then offer to have your granddaughter at your home and suggest the other 4 are looked after by one of his relatives at their home or they employ a nanny.

Also tell them social services might not think it safe if someone of your age was left in charge of so many children and having done it once you know it is not safe!

I too think this is an unreasonable request - have they ever offered to take you on holiday with them or pay for you to have a weekend break away? Probably not I would guess - why do so many of our children have large families then expect their parents to pick up the reins when they want a break? Asking if it is possible is different to demanding it as a right. I look after my three eldest grandchildren as my daughter is a single parent (not her choice, ex son in law walked out on them twice) and works full time. I find it tiring even though we have a routine (of sorts) and when she was away with work for a week recently I was absolutely shattered when she got back, not just because of the physical work of cooking/cleaning/caring for them but also the worry of dealing with illness (both granddaughters were ill whilst she was away) and injuries (grandson can fall over a feather and, at 13, is well into the teenage 'it's not fair' stage if told No). Where are the other grandparents and parents?? Could the children not be sent to stay with the relevant GP/P if they really need a regular break? Keep saying No would be my advice if you can, but perhaps offer a once or twice a year weekend if you feel up to it instead?

I haven't read the replies but I think they mostly say you needn't feel you need to do this, and I agree. What is it with grown up children these days...why must they keep taking breaks away from their children? We hardly ever got an hour off and if we went away we took the kids with us. We didn't really expect to do anything else-and couldn't afford it anyway.Actually I think it's outrageous to expect you to do this. With five children, the most I would offer would be a few hours sometimes-if you are free. You've had your days of bringing up children, why should you go back to such a big commitment. Stick to your guns.

That's TOTALLY unreasonable!!! My DD has 2 of her own and two step children, i would never be asked to look after them all EVER!
I look after my baby grandson occasionally and do a bit of cleaning for her but childcare on a regular basis is something i have never offered. I will always be available in an emergency though.(stayed night in hospital with one grandchild)

That sounds like great fun, Craftycat. I'm only up to three and seven eighths grandchildren at the moment, but hope when they're a bit older to have the energy to do the same. I'll have to persuade the old man first though!

TBH I think it depends on the children I regularly have my 6
(2-12 years old) to stay weekends & I find it easier to have 6 than 2 lots of 3. I think this is because there are 2 sets of 3 cousins & as they do not see each other every day they get on so well & we can just sit back & let them get on with it. Yes- it's noisy & yes a lot of toys get brought downstairs & loads of printer paper gets drawn on & cut up but it s great fun.
The only mad time is breakfast when they all seem to want something different & I'm boiling eggs, frying bacon, making porridge, toasting bread & Lord knows what!I could make it easier for myself by giving them all the same thing but the little 3 are difficult eaters. Then we have to play the upside down boiled egg game EVERY time & they never get tired of it.
If I'm honest we love it & my sons & DiL's do not take it for granted that we will have them & usually pick them up about 2-3 on the Sunday & are very appreciative. If they weren't I might be a bit miffed because it is hard work at time (bedtime!! 3 lots of stories but the 12 year old now takes his turn reading them to the little ones.)
When they have gone we pack up all the toys & sit down for a large G&T!! Then we say how quiet it is & when are they next coming!
They will not be young long so we make the most of it.

I agree with everyone else- its much too much to ask. We didnt go away overnight for ten tears and only asked grandparents t have our threefor a one off weekend when the children were much older ie around 14,12 and 8

You need to be honest to your daughter and tell her she is expecting to much from you you. Maybe remind her that you are closer to 70 than 60 and you don't have the energy of a Grandmother in her 50's. It was your daughters chose to become a mother and it is her responsibility to look after her children. Suggest to your daughter that if she want's to go away for a weekend every month she takes her children with her as they are only young once and grow up so very quickly.

I agree with everyone else, that's an unreasonable request. I understand the need for the couple to have some time alone, as we had four children and didn't seem to make time for one another. But surely an evening out once a month should be much more suitable and less expensive. I'm sure you could probably cope with babysitting duties, getting them to bed etc knowing that the parents would be home later on.
Sorry DD is being thoughtless. I'd be tempted to show her some of these posts then she may come to her senses.

Stick to your guns. Far too much to ask of anyone

Your daughter is the unreasonable one. She chose to have 5 children. Why does she assume that she is entitled to a break each month? You are not being unreasonable at all. What you are being 'asked' to do is too much!

Way too much to expect of you, have you explained in detail how difficult you find managing 5 children for a whole wknd? Agree with lady who suggested child sitting for a few hours so they could have meal out or whatever maybe every month. Maybe you could also offer to add a possible wknds cover every 3 months to aid a peaceful conclusion.

How can they afford to go away once a month? Maybe they should employ an au pair instead. Agree with all the other posters. Don't do it

I bet if she asked her own generation what they thought of her request to her mum - not leaving out the details of your age and that you'd have to cope on your own - the majority of them would be horrified too. You are NOT unreasonable. This is TOO MUCH to ask. I'm sorry to say that I find her actions over your grand daughter quite bullying and childish. You may love them, and let them know that, but don't weaken.

Too right she is asking for too much. Sorry, but she sounds like a very selfish individual.

We've just had our two GC (4 & 7) for a whole weekend for the first time and much as we love them it was exhausting. Expecting you to have 5 for a weekend every month is way OTT. What parenting planet do they live on? I would also insist that sleepovers happen at your home if that is your wish.

If she is completely dependent on you then she is not going to want to alienate you so stand your ground. It is you doing her the favour! Good luck x

she had the children they are her responsibility. Tell her what you will be pleased to do and refuse anything else. she sounds very manipulative.

It's just too big an ask, and she knows this.

Yes, I think it is asking for too much. You are not there for everyone else's convenience. If I was in your position I would say to your DD that you do not feel able to carry out this request.

It's quite a privilege to be able to take a weekend off every month from family.

I think you need to set the ground rules and boundaries, and if DD is not happy with that, well, it is what it is. Take a step back and remember, it's ok to say no to things you can't or don't want to do.

They must get pretty tired with five children, but it is their responsibility and not yours to care for them; I'm also surprised that they can contemplate a weekend away each month - that must cost a few hundred each time. There are nice extended activities for children to do and special 'day camps' where they can have a lovely time with exciting activities - why don't they treat the older children from time to time instead of themselves? You must have been shattered after a weekend with five children - and I agree with the other posts, you shouldn't feel guilty at all, many people would balk at two children for the weekend, never mind five. I'm exhausted thinking of it!!

Looked after five from two different families one day this week and we were shattered by the time three went home. I've just waved the other two off as they live in a different town and the house looks like a bomb has hit it! I do love them but we are thirty years older than when our own were young. I never remember having a weekend away without my children never mind a promise of a regular break and I do think it's very selfish just to expect that grandparents will do it.

A Weekend away every month! How self-indulgent can you get? Twice in 16 years of marriage, my ex and I had just one night away, leaving the two boys with my parents and his parents once each. Your DD and SiL are taking you for granted in a big way. Do they ever give you a treat? A weekend away for yourself? Even a bouquet of flowers? It's nothing but sheer selfishness expecting you to take on the burden of all their children so frequently. As everyone else has said, just say 'no'! If she calls you selfish, she should look in the mirror.