granchidren moving away

My son has just announced that my two grandsons and his ex wife are thinking of moving to Australia. He of course, is not happy about this.

I am in two minds about it. Of course, they will have a lovely lifestyle over there, but on the other hand, we will never get to see them. I can't afford to go in case anyone suggests visiting, as much as I'd like to.

It's a difficult situation. We will obviously miss them, especially my son who sees them on a regular basis. Also one of the boys is about to do his gcse's .
Be interesting to hear what they have to say about it.

Saidy17 I can only offer you my sympathy. This is SO hard

I know how you're feeling. DD1 moved 300 miles away to Cornwall when she was 20, long before she had a child. DD2 was living with us when she had her first child. Due mainly to financial considerations she moved 150 miles away. That hit me really hard. She now lives near her sister in Cornwall. They both have settled family life. I look forward to visiting every couple of months. I don't drive and DH doesn't like going away much so he bought me a Senior Rail Card (so I get 1/3 off) and I love the train journey on my own almost as much as the visit. Hardest thing is tears from the DGC when I leave. Hope things will settle down well for you x

I would be devastated too but try and be positive. They are staying in the same country, so there is always a way to visit them. When they're older they can come and stay with you. Plan to see them as often as possible. Would once a month be doable?

I really sympathise as this has just happened to me, 3 months ago and my Daughter had a baby in the 2 nd month so both of my GC live nearly 300 miles away now. I've found it incredibly hard but it was job related so they had no choice, my only advice is to plan trips so you know you will be seeing them and have something to look forward to and Skype or video call if you can...

In October 2011, my youngest daughter and her then boyfriend set off to sail round the world. They still have no plans to return. In the meantime they have had two children and got married. We have visited them in Panama and Mexico (where our first grandchild was born) and (just me) in New Zealand. They were back for some months in 2015/16 and say they will also be back for a while in 2018.

Apart from that it's infrequent Skype calls when there is a signal and looking at photos on Instagram. I have made a deliberate decision not to be anxious or sad for years on end (though the loss of the Cheeky Rafiki was a blow to that determination). I write them an email every week so that they can keep up with us and our life.

Of course the OP is sad and in shock but I assure you it can be coped with and you WILL be OK.

Hi Saidy17..bit late joining this discussion..I agree with both willsmadnan and M0nica on this. It's incredibly painful for you as is empty nest syndrome but it's best not to let your children or grandchildren see the devastation you feel. I have 3 children and 3 grandchildren and I have experienced your feeling of emptiness but I remember trying to assert my independence as a young mum and part of that was moving far enough away from support networks to allow myself to stand on my own 2 feet. This didn't mean I didn't love my family but I felt guilty because of the weeping and wailing that followed my decision. I promised myself I would never do that to my kids and I would set them free to fly. Be happy for them and deal with your sorrow in private. There is nothing wrong with being a doting mum and grandma but our children are merely lent to us for a short time before they are adults. My children have travelled the world, moved away, moved back and each time my guts ached but I smiled and encouraged and realised the greatest gift you can give them is their freedom and independence to make their own way in life. Good luck Saidy17 with coming to terms with this...you are certainly not on your own on this well trodden path.

Saidy I do sympathise with you. My grandson lives in a different country but that is my norm. To suddenly have your daughters family decide they are moving 300 miles away is a shock as this is not your norm. Make the most of those living near you and plan visits.

Not sure which coast they are moving to but all coastal resorts in the south of England are a nightmare at weekends and in the summer. The M27 can come to a standstill and parking is a nightmare. I lived 7 miles from Bournemouth and hardly ever visited the beach due to traffic and parking costs. Use to go on the quieter roads and enjoy the new forest or visit during the week in the winter. They are still building more houses ( which we know are needed) but when they improve the roads people make more journeys. But it is a lovely area before everyone tells me I was lucky to live there.

I was devastated when my daughter rang to say that her company were moving her to the Caribbean. We had looked after her 2 boys (3 and 15 months) every week and knew I would miss all of them so much. DH said we should embrace the adventure with them and as a result I flew out 3 times a year to see them and loved it and kept in touch with Facetime and Whatsapp. I spent real quality time with the family and I visited a place I would never have contemplated before and loved it. I hope you can find a way to visit and keep in touch in a similar way.

In my sixties I have discovered there is a whole new life to be had. I joined the U3A and learned to play Bridge. Through this game I have widened my circle of friends. I am also in a world wide organisation called Meet ups. Just google Meet ups and your area and it will bring up groups for theatre meals out etc.Its not a dating site. Through these two groups I have a great retirement. I have grandchildren who I love dearly but I havn,t made them the be all of my life. Selfish yes but as you only have one life, there isnt that many years left, so my advice is 'see it as a new phase to your life and ENJOY.

I know how you feel it does hurt, but how I wish mine only lived 300 miles away instead of 10,000.
But I do agree with GIllT57 as regards your own life and others in your family, your daughter is doing what's best for her family unit. I feel GN are in for a fall when they rely so heavily on there families being so close by,they often don't want the same life as you want them to have. I learned that.

I know how you feel on this..My daughter and grandsons moved away and I was devastated to say the least. Before they moved they lived just over the road and I was always able to see them all. From birth I helped look after the boys as my daughter was a single mum, from having them for sleepovers,looking after them to give her a rest and later on taking and picking them from nursery and school, my eldest grandson was such a nanny's boy always with me. Then she met her partner and moved in with him and they were gone! I've felt empty for the longest time and missed them all so much. Now I only see them once a month and have a long bus journey there and back but just to get a couple of hours with them is precious. I book all my holidays at work around the school holidays so they can come stay and those times are so special. I will never quite forgive my daughter's partner for taking them away from me but they're all happy and settled so I have to be content with what time I have with them all

Saidy I found myself in a similar situation 8 years ago when my daughter and SiL moved taking my two granddaughters with them. They were 11 and 8 at the time and I had had an active part in their life since they were born. I was devastated at the time but it all worked out fine. The girls came down for holidays and I was lucky enough to be able to go to their house, in a beautiful part of Scotland, every couple of months. They have got along with their lives, the eldest is now at uni and the youngest is taking exams this year. If anything we are closer than ever. Don't despair rather plan for the future. Remember we give children wings to fly but also roots to come back to

Both my sons moved a considerable distance away and I now see them approximately three times yearly. We all still work and visiting is therefore quite problematical and unfortunately, for me, expensive. I do miss my children and GC dreadfully as I really don't know the GC very well. However it is their life and they are both very happy and healthy which is of course the main thing. My son now organises an annual holiday where we all stay together for a week which is wonderful. I live on my own but try to get involved as much as I can with local village life and just look forward to the times I am able to visit or vice versa. I do sometimes shed some tears when I am on my own but then smile and think how lucky I am to have my precious family. I hope all goes well but I do feel your pain.

I have every sympathy for how you are feeling. This could so easily be me, as my DD was recently planning a move to US with her family, taking our DGD so far away. As it happens, the move is now off, much to my relief, although they do live 150 miles away. The positive posts rang true with me, being grateful for the quality time you spend with DD and her family and being genuinely pleased for their new quality of life, wherever that might be. I posted recently on my envy for the longer visits the OGPs get due to living in Europe, i'm sure you too will enjoy some quality visits to the coast, much anticipated by the whole family. Take time to come to terms with the news, then when you are ready , start to look forward to an exciting new future. You will never lose your DD's love for you.

I think you're having to cope with a huge bombshell in your life and once you've had a chance to absorb the shock you'll start seeing the possibilities and cope with the practicalities. I did things the other way round and on retirement moved away from my daughter & 2 young grandchildren to the sea (We eventually moved back - it didn't work out) But actually it did my daughter a good turn. She had always leant on me and in a way had never really "grown up" in a number of practical ways. By the time we came back she could stand on her own feet and actually her own family relationships had benefitted. Ironically I then felt a bit left out!
I am sure you will work through this and find practical solutions to visiting and keeping in touch. When relationships are basically sound, it's often a case of developing a different pattern of staying close &'Skype etc make this much easier.
You will miss them, but it needn't be the end of the world. You'll find practical solutions that allow you to watch your grandchildren grow ( before they fly the nest and you can only follow their lives on Facebook )

My niece moved away and my Bil and his wife spend time with the grandchildren in a different way to us. I see my grandchildren, who live 90 minutes awayfor short visits. School and their pursuits mean that we try to fit in with them. Because of the distance my Bil enjoys much longer visits with his grandchildren. They Skype regularly and he has the same relationship with them as we do with ours.

I know how upset they were and completely understand your feelings. Try to look on this as a difference rather than a major change. I wonder if writing to the children would help. So few children get letters these days and I think that would be a great way to keep in touch with them.

My brother lives in France and his grandchildren are in the US. My nephew says how excited they are to receive his emails, but the letters are something even better.

When mine moved away from where they lived round the corner into the countryside I was devastated. It's very different having family who pop in and who are 5 minutes away to a situation where you have to plan and stay ove and where you just don't see as much of your GCr. It took me at least a couple of years to get over it and I will never like it. I think the main advice I can give you is to build as full a life as possible for yourself.

There are all the benefits from your point of view that others have mentioned and are worth focusing on, but change is always painful. Perhaps if you let things roll at the moment and see how it pans out but actually, there's nothing to stop you moving there as well. (Or even half an hour away from them if you feel they won't want you right next door!) Life's too short to be miserable. If it turns out that you feel you have nothing where you are, no reason not to move, I'd give it a bit of time-for all of you though.

I know how you feel saidy. It would upset me too. Xxx

I can see how upsetting this move is going to be for you and possibly your husband Saidy, but I agree with lots of the other posts here that if you are positive about it with your DD, SIL and DGC, in the end it your relationship with them will stay good and it will make it easier when you visit. able to You can keep in touch with them on Skype or FaceTime - to keep the phone bill down. You are luck to have other family close by and this will help. I think we are lucky if our families are in this country!! You can get reasonable train and coach fares if you travel out of school holiday time, etc., and if they don't have a room for guests there will be more choice to hire an apartment or find a B&B. Good luck Sadie and don't let this move spoil what has been a good relationship.

Saidy17 - and you could also look at whether your grandchildren could come and stay with you in the holidays (their parents might be glad of the break ) I'd look at how you could travel to see them - as others have already said - and whether it would be possible to visit for long weekends etc outside the school holiday period too. Can you keep in contact via Skype or texting/Facetime? If your grandchildren are older you could write to them as well. Hope it all works out well for you and for your DD and grandchildren x

Morning Saidy17! Difficult new territory you are about to move into but......only difficult initially. Start by investigating travel routes to the new address now. Exciting. If you have a bus pass (don't know different area regulations) make full use of that and/or marry it up with cheap train travel. There will be a whole new adventure out there for you with your lovely pot of gold at the end. Trains can be pretty reasonable bought in advance and depending on amount of usage a travel card can be worth buying. Think on...... and rejoice........ Wish you well with this. I can only see a good outcome here.

Can you build your holidays around visits? Perhaps hire a cottage nearby for a week or a fortnight at a time. Another idea for cheaper breaks near your daughter is house-swapping. You could do an exchange for the price of the house-swapping admin charge and spend time with your DD, SIL and GC.

Saidy you were clearly upset by one or two of the posts today but whilst we are a support network for each other sometimes we need to be a critical friend as well.
I hope the many constructive comments have been helpful.
The thing is we don't own our children and grandchildren, they have to be free to make their own decisions and mistakes and that is very, very hard on us sometimes. I have a feeling this is going to work out better than you could have hoped, fingers crossed.