Tired Granny

Oh dear MeAnge - you need to have a heart to heart sooner rather than later with your dd as you clearly now realise. With your work and other caring responsibilities not to mention your right to some 'me-time' you clearly recognise that feeling resentful and exhausted might be a possible outcome. I was 64 when my first dgc was born but my dd and I had had the child care discussion years before. She knows I have ( and still have) a job that I love and lots of other activities with occasional holidays - I want the flexibility that regular child care would deny me. We are there for emergencies and sleepovers ( rather than babysitting at theirs as we get to go to bed earlier that way and get morning cuddles). Child care is horribly expensive but my dd and her dh took all that into account when they embarked on parenthood. If she had financial problems, I'd pay towards child care as I'd rather keep the job I really enjoy and then just do the fun child care. I do know that every family's situation is different so my choice is just that , but you are voicing concerns now that are very real.

Hi, I am new to the group. I have a newly pregnant daughter who has to return to her job as a teacher and has asked me if I will have the baby. I jumped at the chance, even though it's a long way off yet, but the more I think about it the more nervous it makes me. I work part time but also look after my elderly parents, dad has dementia and is 90 and both have various hospital appointments that I take them to. Hubby would fully support me if I left my job but I'm not sure if I want to...I'm only 52 and have just finished with the teenage years of my youngest child and am enjoying my new found freedom It would only be part time childminding but my week would be manic. I'm absolutely torn but want to offer my daughter the support.....anyone else with this situation?! Someone said to have definite rules in place or some sort of agreement/rota? I don't want to end up exhausted and resentful.

Our daughter in laws parents are 20 years younger than us. It shows! Our energy levels are so much less, just hate giving in though.

hondagirl, I think you're found the answer. I'm tired, my dh is 2 years older and he finds energy from the babies, so he is much more than a bit of a help.

Could it be that today's grandparents are so much older when they look after grandchildren than our own grandparents were? I was over 30 when I had my first child, as was my daughter.

I remember being with my own grandparents and realised that my grandma died when she was 52.

I agree GS is 2 and half I have him one day a week. He still has an after lunch nap and so do I! I'm dreading him giving it up I need those 5 mins to get me through the day.

The other day when OH and I were out with the grandchildren two separate people said to us "Grandparenting - best job in the world!" And I agree it's a delightful privilege - but it's also completely exhausting!

Am I going mad? I didn't remember I'd already commented on here!
Shoot me now!

Can I join the Knackered Register? I'm 60 and have had my GD, now 3, and her sister, 18m, since they were 9m old. They arrive 7.30 and leave 5.30 on two days. They are by no means difficult children but I'm so shattered by 5.30 I can't move for two hours.
It wasn't so bad when they both napped - I could rest for an hour midday - but her parents want the older one to drop it as she's fussing at bedtime. It makes her "sensitive" and disinclined to run around late afternoon.
Still, I'd rather be knackered than not see them.

I have my DGDs (18m and 3) 2 long days a week, and work 2 days (not suggesting looking after then isn't work!). I am on my knees. I've just turned 60 and have had them since the elder was 9m. The difference for me was getting the second. I could work my day around DGD1's naps, plus she is a very much easier child to be with; but #2 is a whirlwind of energy, will and fighting spirit.
I do it for free because I love my littlies so much and they love me right back, but also because my son and his wife would seriously struggle to make ends meet if they didn't both work.
I don't want to complain to them about just how **ING EXHAUSTED I am by Friday night because it makes me sound like some old crock who might not be up to the job, but believe me, you are not alone in the Tired Stakes! I had two close together when I was 25 and don't remember being this shattered after 7 days a week, but then make myself remember that my mother was able to claim her pension at my age, in recognition of the fact that older = tireder!
Then remind myself that the elder girl will be off to school in a year and I will miss her with all my heart!

I have GD aged 4 and Twins aged 2 hard work. Can't manage them on my own for long.

I am 72 and look after my 1 year old GS two or three times a week and pick up his brother from school too. I get exhausted and if it wasn't for my wonderful husband I couldn't cope. As others on here have said it isn't an age thing, little ones are very tiring, rewarding but..... My daughter in law wants to change her job but can't because she would have to pay for childcare then. She isn't at work at the moment, she's on leave but she still phones us to look after GS, sometimes I feel like the hired help.

Yesl like you I look after my 21 month o.d grandson from 1130 till sometimes 5 o'clock depending on dads shifts .I enjoy it but also have had to look after a sick husband and work nights as well ,I am 67 and get tired as well .Sometimes I. have to occasionally look after the other 2 grandchildren as well but then it is nursery /school runs as well .Sometimes I just want me time to do what I would like .My nearest grandson goes to nursery 1day a week and I hope he will go 2days soon .His other nanny does a whole day but she is 10 years younger than me and does not have a sick husband .

I look after my 16mnth old grandson three days a week. From 7am til around 6pm. I'm 58 and yes, I do find it very tiring, but oh the joy of being almost as close to him as I was to his mum is well worth being knackered!

When I looked after my 2 GC for a day a week I was so glad I did it in London & not where I live. DD worked at home so it was best to take them out. Once I got the hang of a buggy on public transport, I really enjoyed our daycare & really got to know the parks, museums, galleries & river etc. Most things were free or it was worth buying an annual pass (eg to Royal Palaces). Even though they didn't understand things at that age, they imbibed the experiences & it shows now. They were too young to say I'm bored or don't want to go there. I was exhausted but it improved my fitness & education. I met so many interesting people & a lot of grans doing childcare. There was always someone to help dealing with the buggy up stairs & over gaps at stations. Only once did I have to shout, "Can someone help me?"

When I looked after my first grandchild for one or two days a week - pre school- I always took her to a mother and toddler group for the morning to break up the day. If you pick a church run one, the volunteers there usually look after you and provide tea and do activities with the kids then you can have a bit of a sit down and rest. We often walked there so used that time to look at flowers/insects etc. or do a litter pick up. Then it was lunch and then maybe we would watch a video together, play in the garden, go to the park (I usually had their dog as well) or she had a sleep. Sometimes we made cakes or painted in the afternoon or we did gardening. The library sometimes has free sing-a-long times and half term craft activities to go to. Now my next grandchild is 6 months so it will start again soon.

Another exhausted granny here too. Im 64 and have looked after grandson and now his sister since he was born. He's now five and sister is two. We only do one day a week usually, but its a long day, involving in a 120 mile round trip. We leave home at 6:30 in the morning and sometimes aren't back until 9 p.m, as my daughter works shifts and is in work until 9 and son in law is never home before 7. However, it's only one day and we enjoy having the children and watching them grow and develop from babies into little children. They are tremendous fun but exhausting. I worry non stop from the minute I arrive until I get home that they will be ok and won't fall foul of injury whilst " on my watch " !! We made it clear from the outset that one day was as much as we were prepared to do, two at a push or in an emergency if other grandparents weren't available and its worked out ok.

I have four grown up children of my own and never ever remember being as anxious or worried about them as I am with my grandchildren. I find the car seat , buggies nearly the worst part ! You would need a degree in engineering nearly to be able to put them up and down ! I had a high pram and walked everywhere and a little striped M'cLaren for when I needed to use public transport . Worked a treat, now they are all signing all dancing and weigh a ton never mind fitting into the boot of the car !

Yes, another one here who finds it exhausting. DGS is 23 months and I look after him 2 days a week, 11am - 6pm, then go home and cook tea for my student who lodges with me, and flop onto the sofa completely cream-crackered! However, It is such a privilege, isn't it? I wouldn't want to miss these magical early days.

My grandaughter llives with us when my son was murderd by his partner she was with us at the time and we got custody. She was 6 at the time. She is now 16 I love her dearly but it's hard work. It's an age of uncertainty,moods swings, lack f confidence all which my own children went through. Make the most of having them for just a short while I don't regret having her but it's had work 2nd time around

Gosh, so many of us in the same Boat, and I am not the only frazzled gran... sort of reassuring. I was beginning to think I was some sort of lightweight with the tiredness and anxiety, but apparently not. Sharing my concerns has certainly helped. When I next hit a low... probably Thursday... I will think of you all also doing your bit for our little people.

Anya, I just love 'benign negligence'. My smile inducer for the day. Thank you. Absolutely brilliant. The conjectures are endless..........

Compared to some old people adults I know I find many children very stimulating both physically and mentally - not, of course, that I'm talking about anyone on GN

Perish the thought!

Is it only me but I find very young children after a few hours not stimulating enough. when I had my own I used to meet up with other mums nearly everyday and as soon as my youngest was 4. I went to work part time. My children who have children find work a break and don't want to look after their children full time. Not just the extra money. I have looked after all my 6 grandchildren at different times and on regular basis. My eldest grandchild I looked after over night for a year whilst I was still taking my youngest children to school. I miss the life I had when my children were young not really got over it. Empty nest. But now I am riddled with arthritis and when it's now my time I can't enjoy it. Should have started my time earlier. I look after a granddaughter in the holidays she is 6. We are best mates. I have looked after since a baby. I get too exhausted now to look after the young ones. It's awful that sine grand have to go to through this exhaustion to have a good relationship with their children and grandchildren. My parents and in laws very rarely even babysat in the evening.

I'm an older Nanny to a very lively 4 yr old and 7 year old, their other Granny is 10 years younger than me and very active. I've explained that I play table games, read stories and if I do an overnight babysit I allow them to come and watch a children's film on my iPad first thing in the morning so that mummy and daddy get a lie in.

I am 72 and looked after my youngest granddaughter from 9 mths old, 2 days a week ,getting up at 6 and getting home around 7. Now I pick her up from school 3 days a week which is so much easier but still get home late. I wouldn't miss a second of it. I adore her and feel very sad that I worked when my other 3 grandchildren were little. My most exhausting was taking my 2 grandsons to Butlins when they were 8 and 10, having to be eagle eyed all the time. They still remember it as a great time and want me to take them again but they are much older and I think it would spoil their wonderful memories.
I know it's tiring but your relationship with your grandchildren will be much stronger. Do it if you can.