Tired Granny

I used to do one day a week with Gdd, now 22 months, and still do a lot of helping out since dd also has Gds, 7 months, who is not a good sleeper. I take over sometimes so dd can get some sleep! Yes, I do find it tiring, but am glad I am able to help, and do have a lovely relationship with Gdd.

Having said that, I don't think I can cope with two when dd goes back to work, not on my own. So we will very likely be helping with the extortionate childcare costs, instead.
I do sometimes wish dd had had her babies 10 years earlier, when I would have had late 50s energy levels instead of late 60s, but then the time wasn't right for her then, plus I was still working and had a mother with dementia needing a lot of time.
So it's all been for the best.

Very true Flax - it takes two wages to survive these days. So sorry to read about your son (((hugs)))

How many parents dictate to a nursery how they want their children to be cared for or lay down rules as to timetable etc. They trust that the staff will do what is needed with great care and they should trust GP's to do the same.

My house my rules. Luckily DD's parenting style is very much like Anya's

The only time there has been an awkward moment was one morning when DiL turned up with an obviously unwell DGD and said that she was not well enough for school. Before I could stop myself I heard myself asking "In that case, why on earth have you brought her here?" DiL turned scarlet and said she hadn't thought it might be a problem -.As it happened I could rearrange my day to care for DGD,but a lesson was taught that morning, and they have never since taken me for granted!

I look after my nearly 3 year old and 9 month old grandsons 2 days a week from 8.30 to nearly 6 pm. It is very tiring but I love it, they change very week, and luckily my husband helps as I would find it very difficult on my own (I'm in my 60's). My son died 2 years ago aged 39 and the two small ones bring joy and laughter into my life. They are only tiny for a short while and the nearly 3 year old will be starting school in about 18 months. Everywhere we go we see grandparents caring for little ones - in the park, the garden centre, the town centre shops, toddler groups etc. It seems to be the way of it nowadays. I do have my escapes, my swimming, art classes and walks. I do feel sorry for mums who just have to work not out of choice, as I think they are missing a lot and instead of "having it all" many women just end up "doing it all".

It's not a Big Deal Riverwalk - my reasoning is ...if I'm used to 30+ in a class then 3 was a dawdle. And I do feel privileged to be involved in my GC's lives, not everyone is. As I mentioned the DD and DDiL are now 'tamed' and accept my 'anything goes' approach but, as others have found out to their cost, you do have to take it easy with first time parents. They soon mellow and learn to trust your judgement.

My two GDs are due any minute now for their fortnightly over-night stay and I'm looking forward to having them. What's wrong with that? They make me smile, they make me laugh, they melt my (very cynical) heart with their cuddles.

Yes, it helps that at 70 I'm still fit and strong granted, but when you've been denied the opportunity to see one grandchild grow up, then those that remain are doubly precious

Thanks last few posts for talking about how you compromise. Hopeful1 having heard how others manage you can relax and do your best. As we were told at school you can't do better than your best.

Parents' child so parents do have the right to set rules.

Anya are you not the one doing the favours, in relation to childcare? I'm at that, plus you had 3 under fives and school runs!

I must be the worst Grandma on GN - er, no imposed rules when you come to my house.

I do run a smooth(ish) operation, good food, big-ticket events, activities and a safe environment but wouldn't follow any rules laid down by DS & DSIL!

Anya benign negligence is the way I do it too. DGD is 11 now and I have had her for five days a week since she was 8 months old. I gave up work to care for her and have never regretted it. We have a great relationship and I would do it again in a heart beat.

Sounds good to me Anya!

Parents' child so parents do have the right to set rules. I usually agree then just do my own thing, within reason that is. If they say 'no electronic games' before school them I simply say 'mummy said...' so end of argument.

But when they were little and DD or DiL said they have a nap exactly at 11.47 and 30 seconds, then I'd settle for anywhere between 11.30 and 12.00 depending on the child. Common sense rules.

Nowadays neither DD nor DDiL much care what I do with them, as all that avid do-it-by-the-book enthusiasm has given way to 'whatever works'. My grandparenting style could best be described as 'benign negligence'

PS the grandchildren seem to be growing up fine and independent

ajenela.....oh its a mine field and varies from family to family. Thankfully my daughter and I are of the same mind on all the major points. SIL is a little bit more nervous about certain things.....hes a bit of a handwasher if you get my drift. On GN we have heard of many families that almost issue a handbook when they hand over their children as if Grandma and Grandad have never safely reared so much as a guinea pig!

I am baby sitting for both mine tomorrow night. I have done it for Biggest quite often but I don't know how the Littlest will react. He is about 22 mnths now and still likes a "mummy milk" drink last thing at night.
It has taken quite a while to get round to doing this but we do live 50miles away and DD works shifts so finding a weekend free is a little more complicated.

At the end if last year he seemed scared of me or I was at least a "strange" face in the wrong place. His big brother had been just like that with DDs MIL when she came round to their house. He was fine when he saw her at Grandma's house.
Strange creatures little ones.

I question why you have to stick to the parents rules. Of course the child must be safe and happy but this is a partnership with the parents, if the children were in a nursery it would be the nurseries rules not the parents.

If the parents choose to work they can't tell you an experienced parent how to care for their children especially if it makes you anxious. Not saying you shouldn't listen to there opinion, discuss things with them but there has to be a compromise. Very easy to set down rules but these are rules that suit the parent maybe not you and I wonder if they stick to these rules at home.

'Cuse typos.

Luckily I'm past the baby/toddler stage now, but at one time I had three under 5s most days and the 4th for the school run. Now they're all at school and it's just a complicated rota of dropping off and picking up from three different schools.

The stresses are different...e.g. 'Why are you always last in line when you know I've hit to get across town to pick the girls/your brother up?' or 'No! You can't go back int class to get your reading bag/poo/runner bean seed as we're late already'.

Back at my house (after a quick head count...where's GS1?? Oh yes! Late pick up it's Nature Club tonight) I give them anything they'll eat a hearty snack, and, in winter settle them down with electronic baby sitters something educational. In more clement weather I turn them loose in the garden and apologise to the neighbour's later.

Simples!!

Hi I'm new to group. Loved reading all these comments. My daughter has just gone back to work, so I am looking after my 1st grandchild (Nancy, just turned 1), but yes although enjoy every moment of it, find it tiring. I'm just doing 2 days at present, then will be doing 3. She goes to nursery 1 day a week. which I often feel guilty about, because I always was at home with my 3, and worked around my husband, but I realise its a different generation now .What I do find is some of the toddlers groups and fun centres are expensive, does anyone else find that?

I have 3 GC on a regular basis and find it tiring though DH seems to thrive on it. I was clear from the start that it's 'my house, my rules' and that has been accepted by all. The GC have also noted that by the time evening comes I turn into 'Grumpy Gran'!!! especially as they're fussy eaters. I'm not 100% fit and they realise this fortunately. The age range is wide so that adds to the mix. I see the other 4 usually with their parents in tow so that is different. I remember seeing my Nana most days but was left to my own devices. Perhaps today we are expected - or expect ourselves - to 'give more' than we need to.

I looked after my GS two days a week for two years and found it exhausting ...when my daughter had her 2nd child I decided not to do the same....I now have the grandchildren when it's suits me, and I see a lot of them...I take them both out .and I enjoy it on my terms.

Of course it's tiring, although some of us on here are older than others, some have more energy or less ill health than others, so we are all different.Even the temperament and the age of the children is different.I find looking after and entertaining our small DGC very tiring tbh and couldn't commit to doing it for long, four hours maximum at a time.That seems to work.

When I say 'keeping them entertained' I mean taking them to the park (getting a toddler into a car sear is exhausting even more so when they want to stay in the park 'for ever'), making biscuits, smoothies etc and keeping enough toys, books, games etc at your house to keep them entertained.

But as a couple of posters have said they would love to have had the chance and I count myself as very lucky.

My aunt, who has fostered around 80 children in all, says that children nowadays are very different.
She says that our children years ago would sit outside in their pram, watching the washing blowing until they were toddlers, almost!

Small children need a lot of care and attention so that is why our bodies are programmed to stop reproducing at a certain age. I get so cross when I read about women over 50 having IVF etc it is so unfair on the children and existing family.
Well done to all those grandparents who willingly give their time to help with child care, you are heroes. I was lucky in that my grandchildren were born when I was relatively young so I had the energy to help with them.
They grow up quickly Hopeful so care will not be so physically tiring, good luck.

I have looked after our GS two days a week since he was six months old. He is now ten. I am 70. I don't think I found it physically demanding looking after a toddler, but the anxiety levels involved are very wearing. Will they hurt themselves the minute you take your eye off them? Are you doing the right thing when they are poorly? You only have your own experiences and a dog eared copy of Dr Spock to fall back on! As they get older and more active and have higher expectations of you, in terms of outdoor activities especially, it does get harder. My GS is exactly like my son, who regarded having to stay in and do anything indoors as a form of punishment! We had to be out, weather notwithstanding! These days I think the most wearing aspect of his care is trying to keep him off his iPad to which it seems he is surgically attached. DD will only allow him an hour a day, but once he is on it, he will think of a million excuses why he just has to have a little more than the three twenty minute bouts you have allowed him! Then we wrangle (he is some negotiator!). And I get cross. And then he gives me one of his charming, melting smiles, and.... I am putty in his hands! I have no doubt at all that you are doing ok. Think well of yourself ?!