Grandson is rude.

Gosh, that's difficult Swanny. I think there's a difference between one off I hate you when somebody's done something to annoy and an ongoing saying I hate you because you know it upsets that person and then saying its a joke which belittles their feelings. That to me is bullying whether it's done in the family or in school or workplace.

My post wasn't in relpy to yours, swanny.

Have you tried "blowing your top" about it? That is, expressing real anger about the rudeness and disrespect he's showing and telling him it is unacceptable, that you expect him to be polite, etc?

A course I did recently emphasised the phrase "I expect..." to be used when kids do things you don't like. You tell them what you expect and you don't accept anything else.

Long ago, before I'd heard it expressed as "I expect...", I would say to my kids: "I want you to...." Same thing in effect.

Over the last couple of days my 7-year old DGS has been telling me 'I hate you Grandma' or 'I hate Grandmas'. I don't know if the latter means he hates all Grandmas or he hates something specific about me - my house, my face, my cooking etc. The thing is, DGS is autistic and I don't think he knows what 'hate' means, and that he's just repeating something he's heard from others at school. If I respond by saying something like 'don't you want to see me/come to my house' etc he gets upset. Obviously it upsets me when he says it but it worries me that he could say it in the presence of anyone who doesn't know about his autism and who could misunderstand.

Ignore it ? not a chance. Yes he may think it is funny but if not nipped in the bud now ( and its nothing to do with low blood sugar) he will go on thinking it is funny to hurt others feelings.Time for straight talking. I have had too many children go through my class with parents who think it is funny that their offspring is lippy or parents who think it is not their problem to sort out, then wonder why 10 years or so down the line they have an out of control teen on their hands.
BoobityBoo tell you GS that such words hurt very much and ask him to have a really good think about how he would feel if you were horrid to him.
Iam sure after having had time to think about how rude he has been you will get a lovely little boy back who knows when and how to show off without hurting other peoples feelings.

I certainly wouldn't ignore this - as I asked up thread what do his parents have to say about it?

I think the cases referred to in the bullying thread were basically where children were told I hate you by their peers. It affected them enough for them to run away or contemplate suicide. Whether the bullies said they were just joking I don't know. But if it's just ignored in the family should we be surprised if it's done to others outside the family?

It sounds like playground talk to me.

They do become quite cheeky when they start school and learn from the other children. But you can tell him that it is not a nice thing to say to anyone even if they say it to you.

To do something deliberate is just plain disrespect and mean. As far as it being "bullying", I'm on the fence with this one.

Well now I'm going to be controversial I think. It's interesting that at the moment another thread is running on bullying. So I am asking is deliberately doing something that you know hurts another person bullying? And if it is not challenged and disapproved of in the context of the home would the family be think it ok if it was repeated at school with other children?

I'm sorry hellymart, but it wasn't clear whether you were blessing the OP or her GS - who doesn't deserve it in my opinion!

I apologise for upsetting you.

Just to say Boppity that my DGS doesn't do it if my DH is there, or anywhere near at hand!
When it gets too much I say so 'that's enough now, no more ruderies!'

I'm sorry you are hurt Hellymart.

ODD....oppositional defiance disorder ( one of the many things my DGS has)
Makes him say similar things to me ( if you say black they say white etc.)
Being rude to grandparents is not normal behaviour ( unless he gets away with this kind of behaviour at home?)
It should be challenged anyway, but can be done in a nice way.

Hellymart, you gave me advice and I really do appreciate you! Keep posting!

Thanks so much everyone. I've tried ignoring him, telling him it really hurts my feelings when you say hateful things and leave it at that. He doesn't do it if my son or husband is around. I've even told him, That's fine, I still love you and I get...No you don't!
So, yeah, no more, I will absolutely ignore his negativity, then praise when he's being positive.

this is why I don't usually comment on here. Everything one writes is criticised/taken out of context. I'm out, as they say on Dragon's Den.

On Monday night my seven year old grandson was carrying on a bit at bedtime, disturbing his sisters and generally playing up. In quite a firm voice I said that he should go to sleep, that it was very late and he would be very tired when he had to get up for school. His response was "I don't like you grandma" I told him that made me sad but that I still loved him loads and loads.

The next morning getting ready for school he whispered in my ear (so his sisters couldn't hear) "grandma, I really do love you, I was just pretending that I didn't like you last night"

I said "It's okay, I knew that" and we shared a lovely smile.

Little children seem to know how to tug at the heart strings BobbityBoo and unless it goes on and on, or gets nasty, I wouldn't worry too much. Just keep re-assuring him that you still love him no matter what.

Our eldest GS went through a phase of being rude so I discussed it with DD and DSiL. Between us we decided that he had low blood sugar straight after school but I don't believe it's my responsibility, or yours for that matter, to sort out an issue like this. That's what his parent's are for!

What do his parents have to say about this?

Who are you saying 'Aw, bless' to or about, hellymart?

I agree that your GS is pushing your limits, BoppityBoo and would not suggest you tell him his rudeness makes you sad as he might think that's funny too. Try ignoring him when he makes those statements and pretend you don't care. He's only doing it for effect, after all.

Aw, bless, I can understand that must be hurtful but I suppose he gets a reaction when he does it, which he finds funny! I'm sure he'll grow out of it but in the meantime you could either a) ignore the 'rude' behaviour and when he doesn't get a reaction, he might stop it OR b) explain to him that it makes you sad when he says those things - even if it's a joke and ask him to please stop? I'm sure others will have tips too. Good luck!

Tell him calmly you love him but don't like the way he is behaving. Ignore the rudeness in future and reward him when he is polite. Don't try too hard just set the boundaries and stick with them. Children will always push to the limit