Grandson is rude.

Oops wrong thread. Sorry!

Hi all
Been along time since I posted but I'm at my wits end my adult daughter is nearly 34 and she's not improving. She has 3 children . Her husband left 3 years ago and I don't blame him! She's brought trouble to our door since she was 15. Today I have the kids. She blew up at me so I told her to be grateful and respectful. Well..she started swearing, acting like she's the one doing me a favour having the kids whilst she works
My hubby had a heart attack last yeast and I suffer with Rheumatoid Arthritis but she still takes us for granted. We've just given her £11000 as she was in debt bit still no gratitude. We run her car and pay for her phone. I do it for the grandkids but my resolve is slipping. I feel like walking away but I can't?

I wasn't suggesting shouting at him. Just tell him very calmly and firmly that it is not acceptable and you are not having it.

I agree. The jokes will just change to some other silliness. Ignore the stupid, works well.

In a couple of months it will be something different.

Probably toilets and poo jokes
[sigh]

My daughter would often say, if told off or such. "I dont like you any more" to me, and I would reply "Tough I am still your mummy and I going to look after you until you are bigger." She was an easy going child to deal with anyway though.

He is six and in my experience it is the sort of silly, testing behaviour that children of this sort of age do. I would just ignore it completely for a few weeks. If it still continues or increases then I would tell him calmly and firmly you are fed up with his rude behaviour and that there will be BIG TROUBLE if it happens again.

Sorry if this has been said before, I haven't read everything - Might it be something the kids at his school say to each other? Either as a childish joke or, more nastily, as bullying behaviour?

Maybe similar things have been said to your DGS and he's not sure how to take them so he's trying them out on someone else?

Leticia someone suggested 'blowing your top' at him - then if he shouted back in the same manner he would probably be told off for being rude!!

One of my smaller DGC has never enjoyed sitting on knees or cuddles. Hugs are ok at bedtime or when going home.
Another DGC, more or less adult, recently surprised me with a goodbye kiss on my cheek, he's been 'yuk' about kisses for years!

He is a young child - don't 'give him a taste of his own medicine' - do what adults should do- put them straight, in simple terms, on what is acceptable and what isn't.

He is being rude because you are letting him get away with it. He wouldn't dare do it with his teacher because he knows he would be in trouble.
Be tough- tell him straight that you are not having it.
He won't love you any less. Children have a habit of saying 'I hate you mummy' etc.
As to kissing and cuddling - why try and make them? I hated it when young.
Well done- just seen you are going to put a stop to it. Think of his future relationships - never a good idea to let people, of any age, think they can get away with rudeness to some people.

Maybe say to him "would you like an ice cream" or something similar then before he answers just say "only kidding" might work. A taste of his own medicine.

Ok, so....it's not my son. She is remarried, but I cannot see her "Now" husband talking to my grandson in that manner. Her, probably, but then again she has told me he says the same things to her. Who knows, anyway, I refuse to let him get away with such behavior, because I love him and don't want him to grow up thinking he can talk to me or anyone else just any way he wants to. Thank you all for the advice, well not all, since one person on this forum seems to want to instigate a little too much for my liking..

The best advice I heard about dealing with unacceptable behaviour like tantrums or saying silly things was 'remove the audience'. Children hate being ignored so when they ask why you are not speaking/looking at them or are sitting in a different room etc. then you can have the conversation about why you are not liking their words/ behaviour etc.

My granddaughter behaves better for me than for her parents because she has learnt there are no second chances and I mean what I say. Children respect good discipline and knowing boundaries exist because it means you can have lots of fun then without having to tell them all the time. If you put the work in at the beginning, you will, hopefully, reap the rewards all your life.

I don't pussy foot about when one of them is rude. I give them 'the look' and tell them in no uncertain terms "don't you dare talk to me like that"
And then I have to repeat it again at a later date

Got my eighteen year old grand-daughter staying with me for the Easter holidays as a quiet (and well provisioned!) place to do her A levels revision. We've just been laughing about the time she "hated" me for a whole holiday because I wouldn't let her have an ice cream just before her tea. (She was four, I think).

Have you tried to say to him that it's really not nice to say that and how would he feel if you said it to him

My son did the exact same thing at same age. I remember we we're getting my into my car with one of his friends. The outbreak of breath with shock was amazing. Son thought he was being tough, I guess. He's very sweet and affectionate now at 26!!

All kids go through this phase; I remember my Son telling my ex's girlfriend she was fat (she was) and the interesting weeks after when I was accused of telling him to say it ( I didn't) He will grow out of it x

Jojojo Try not to be upset
"It seems to me that they associate my visits with their parents absence so have started to resent me." That could well be the reason.
They're very young, and the mistake many people make is to think that young children, babies even, are like miniature adults in the way the feel and react. But they're not - their emotions etc aren't yet developed.

BTW I have a close and loving relationship with both my sons who have frequently told me what a wonderful mother I was in their childhood.

I have a difficult situation with DG age 5 who refuses to cuddle/hug/kiss me unless it is to say goodbye. It is also starting with her 2 year old brother who screams when he sees me and turns away, even on Facetime. Both of them are fine with DH and I put this down to me being the one who looks after them when the parents go away on business trips. These trips have been between 4-13 days. Too long for young children in my opinion, and I get exhausted, but I am the only person they can depend on. We live a distance apart so most visits are to look after children. It seems to me that they associate my visits with their parents absence so have started to resent me.
DH used to think it was all in my imagination until he witnessed it this week when they came to stay for 2 days. DG refused to sit on my knee and have cuddle when DH suggested it and the next day when DS suggested the same (he did not witness the previous episode) she started a tantrum. She is very loving to DIL DS and DH but has no time for me. I am heartbroken about all this, it is not how I imagined being a grandma would be. It has been like this for 2 years now so not a phase and I try to make light of it but I don't know what to do. When we were alone together I asked if there was a reason why she doesn't like cuddling me but she just kept silent so I did not make a big thing about it and just told her I love her very much and always will. Any suggestions? Thanks

You do not have to say anything. Just give him an exceedingly cold blank look then continue the conversation as if he had said nothing.

To quote the rhyme He only does it to annoy because he knows it teases. If you do not respond and just freeze him then ignore it there will be no point in him saying it.

DD has told me that, as a child, she would think often twice about cheeking me because she knew it would result in the cold stare.

Sounds like he's trying to play you like a hooked fish. Children go through stages where they're continually checking out the boundaries, and perhaps looking for some reaction. I'd calmly sit down with him and his parents and explain that his behaviour is not acceptable, and will end up hurting him as much as anyone else. "Blowing your top" about it is definitely not the way to go, and may well be just the reaction he's looking for. Softly, softly...