What happens at grandma's stays at grandma's?

I'm coming to this as a Mum and a teacher (sorry - I'm not a Gran!) but wondered if my input might be of interest.

I love that my Mum sneaks treats to my children occasionally; it's all part of them bonding and I remember things being different and fun and slightly anarchic with my GPs as a lovely part of my childhood.

What I would caution against however (with my teacher hat on!) is not to encourage children to keep secrets from their parents - even innocent, nice ones like extra TV or chocolate.

While I am not in ANY way suggesting that there is anything untoward about any of these little things, if a child is in a vulnerable position with a dubious adult, they often use the same language of "our little secret", "best not to mention this to Mummy"
etc - if they're used to this idea and language, it makes it much easier for a child to be groomed.

Sorry to be a bit serious on the thread, but after today's day in school, if more GPs could help look out for any signs of this nature, the world would be a safer place!

My daughter and I have a rule of Pick your battles. If it's not important let it be, if it is important mum needs to know.

There are rules and 'rules'......always holding hands crossing the road is non-negotiable......but the finishing the main course before a pudding (once or twice a year in our case) is just a little bit of Grandma led anarchy.

On the other hand....refusing to eat a (jolly nice home-cooked) meal because its 'yucky' but then being allowed to eat something else half an hour later would not be tolerated! Not actually happened here - but have heard tales from other Grandmas!

Norah I would never break any significant rule my DS and DDiL insisted on, but I remember as a child that lovely feeling of conspiracy with a much loved grandmother when a minor parental rule was breached, an extra slice of cake at tea or similar, and I can remember DC's laughing pretend fearfulness when returning from a walk to the sea with a great-uncle, who had promised not to let them go near the water, but still managed to return them soaking wet, at which point I would pretend to be cross.

Family closeness is made of memories like that and haappy memeories of those no longer alive.

You learn the rules to know when it is permissible to break them.

When GD says in a certain tone of voice 'Mummy says......' I know she jolly well doesn't!!!!!

Why is it GP wants to break ACs rules? I'm content following my daughters' many rules. The children are happy and learning how life works - people follow rules.

My DH is known in the family as the master of anarchic play, which the DGC love and their parents don't seem to mind. He is also endlessly patient with seemingly inexplicable games. They are 2 of his characteristics I love most.

To be honest our 2 love it here.....just because its all a bit lax.....nothing dramatic just less structure and no fixed time table (grandparents have the luxury of that).....aged 5 and 8 they enjoy a bit of 'anarchy'.

I call the shots and there's no court of appeal!
Can't be bad as they can't wait to come again!!

Its a few years ago now.....but I used to run Pre-Schools so met many children and parents/carers and I quickly learnt that children will say....'I'm allowed to do such and such at home/grandma's/other nursery etc etc......when its just 'wishful' thinking on their part (a fib really). So even if you did everything by the book and obeyed all the home rules the little darlings will still insist that Grandma lets them eat three puddings and stay up way past their bed-time!

and she's spot on Galen I mean Graggy

Darling daughter says ' graggy's house, graggy's rules'

I look after my granddaughter quite a lot and she tells her mum " nana lets me do anything". I don't really but I am far more lax than I was with her mum. Just adore her.

I never tell the children not to tell, as that guarantees they will, adding Grandma said not to tell you!!

Exactly, harrigran we once let DGS "down" from the table to watch a 10-15 minute episode of Paddington Bear while the grown ups went on chatting.
Over half an hour later we wondered why he was so quiet!

Common sense says any safety issues need to be told back, or anything important, but a bit of gentle leeway is all part of being at granny s.

Goodness me, I am not talking about encouraging children to cover up major wrongs, I am talking about allowing the child to finish watching a video instead of sticking to the 30 minute screen time restriction and not telling that they had four sweets instead of the rationed two.

I don't believe in teaching children to lie or withold the truth. Better to fess up and just say 'grandma's rules in grandma's house'. If the parents don't like it they can discuss the matter or find an alternative - though I daresay the price of childcare elsewhere will have an effect on their levels of tolerance.

That said, it's not right to force feed the rugrats with sugary rubbish.

My home is my home, if my kids want to put me in charge of their children for a time, then its my rules. They know how I treat children, so they have the choice if they want to take them somewhere with healthier eating and midnight yoga then they are free to do so.

The kids do get away with more here because I have the time to supervise a lot more creative play things and story telling and so on, that is no secret. Sometimes we play games and say 'don't tell mum or dad' the kids know full well this is part of the game and often tell on me as soon as they can......all part of the fun. My jumpolining on the bed raised a few eyebrows I can tell you when it came up for open discussion..........

I don't think it sets them up for a lifetime of deceits or failure to whistle blow when necessary, they also learn from all of us that kindness is important and doing the right things when needed.

I would caution against whistle blowing for anyone, we have legislation to protect whistle blowers, which is totally ineffective and many decent people never work again having done the necessary.

I know this isn't actually what the thread's meant to be about but I think it's high time the "don't tell tales" culture was squashed once and for all. Everyone should be encouraged to whistle-blow when rules are broken. One day when they grow up it might be something important that saves some old person in a care home being abused. Let's have a new slogan "Say YES to tale telling"

That definitely applies with me and my daughter is fine with it - my grandchildren get away with murder at times with me but we have a lot of fun. At the same time they are taught to keep themselves safe, respect others and the environment around them.

Months ago...... Like last September/October.. Someone in our street forgot to put their handbrake on the car and the car literally rolled down the street. DH and I managed to save it (crikey knows where we got the strength from but) the DGC were all in our car waiting to go to the cinema and when we spotted the car heading straight for us my reaction was "S....H.....I.....T ". Now the DGC have never let me live it down and remind me almost in a weekly basis that "I said a BAD word" . In fact they reminded my dad (great grandad) only this tea time.. Yet Again. "Grandma, remember when you said the really bad poo poo word"

No secrets where they are... Whatsoever.

My house my rules,if the parents dont like it then dont leave the chilblains with me.

In our house it is known as 'Grandma's Rules'. Not all of them are relaxations on what goes on at home. One of mine is always holding the banisters going downstairs. It was one the HSE people at work were very hot on and said if followed reduced accidents for all ages of people.

Wait till they go to school and tell the teacher about ............ lol