Not being allowed to be a grandparent

Some grandparents need to stop thinking that your GC are YOUR children. This is why you are getting uptight about silly things.

One thing you can never know is the effect you have on other people. One can be unfairly adored and abhorred all to do with what is in others heads. And we know there are some people who cannot do right for doing wrong and vice versa. It is a human failing it's not fair but somehow we have to accept it. When it happens so close to home it is hard. So just keep doing your best. You will find a way. to connect with your grandson and appease his mother.

I agree Rowantree, not what the OP wanted. I love holding my grand daughters hand and love her snuggling in to me on the sofa. Does sound like her DIL is a bit insecure but don't know what the answer is to that.

I find that sometimes I notice similar things more if I'm feeling low in myself. But I can identify a little because my DD2 was reluctant to allow me to help with care for my little DGD when I was visiting. I know it's because she has self-esteem issues and saw it as a criticism of her mothering (eg 'Don't you think I know how to change my own baby's nappy?') but after several similar occurrences, we had an honest though painful talk about boundaries and I've tried hard to adhere as best I could. Three years on, it's much better, but I am mindful that I need to be respectful of the parents however puzzling it might be at times. Grandparenting isn't easy, actually - you find you have to re-negotiate relationships and find a new 'normal'. It must be tricky for you though - has she always been like this with you? I wonder if it would be good to have some mother/daughter time together and to gently say that you've felt that there are a few issues and what you can both do to put things right; that you don't want to upset anyone, you want to be supportive, loving and helpful to all the family and enjoy precious time together. Is there anything she would like to say?.... I'm sure there are better ways of putting it, but maybe along that thread...over lunch or coffee perhaps. Keep us posted, and I hope things improve soon and you can both find a way forward.

Isabelle, he loves you regardless of holding hands, make the most of his company.
Enjoy some other activities, as others have said.Dont take any notice of harsh messages on here!

Wow, I can't believe how horrible some people are being to his lady. She is asking for an opinion not to be lambasted. The daughter is hurting her child by not letting him hold his nannys hand, and he probably doesn't understand why. I love I when my great nephew runs to me and holds my hand. If his mother told him not to. I'd be gutted

In my opinion your daughter is just trying to establish her own type of parenting and loving for your grandson, and sometimes if you are more natural at it than she is, it can cause some issues. My grandson used to run to me when he fell down or hurt himself as his Mum was never very comforting or consoling in the beginning . . . this was what her Mum was like. She was able to see this for herself and luckily for both of them over time she learnt to be sweet and comforting and now it is lovely to see her cuddle and hug him when he needs it. Sometimes it is up to us to just observe the underlying issues in as impersonal a way as we can!!! Hard I know. But just remain as loving and accommodating as is natural for you . . . there is no need to change or do anything different or even say anything . . . she may well learn by your example . . .

Luckygirl was right. Find other occupations as well as your gs to fill your life. He will always love you but as he gets older he will have to fill his time with things, mates, studying, etc.

Keep yourself busy.

Wow, some rather harsh messages here.Judgement is the last thing Isabelle needs.I think that, when someone is brave enough to post for support or advice for something bothering them, the lease we can all do is to try and see things from their point of view. The OP was feeling hurt and upset and needed encouragement and I don't thing a 'count your blessings' approach is appropriate here.

You are luckier than some in seeing your DGS weekly. I haven't seen my DGDs for 3 years since I became too unwell to travel 38 hours to the back of beyond where they live. I do see my GCs here though and they choose whose hand they hold or sometimes opt to hold on to the buggy.
What makes me sad about this post is that the little boy is now nervous of upsetting his mum by holding your hand Isabelle and if I were in your shoes I would talk to your DD about that over a cup of tea, always reassuring her that she is a great mum and what a wonderful job she is doing raising your DGS.
I do know how touchy daughters can be about the way they raise our grandchildren but they are the parent and we have to respect their decisions; I would want to try that chat though.
Good luck.

You are lucky to see so much of him. I don't know why hand holding is an issue may be something totally unrelated to you. I hope you get to hug him sometimes. However you can use your imagination to play special games with him, and not buy too much if that isn't what is wanted. It might be that other family members cn't buy things and D is trying to keep it ll low key and simle so they don't feel upset.

Plenty of wonderful thing for no money to be done with a boy once a week espcially if you do go to beaches etc.

God typos grandson not gas I'm finished now

Doesn't want not doesn't eat ?

I may have got this wrong but I think the op said her daughter just doesn't eat her to hold her gas hand not that her daughter wants to do it herself

The assumptions made here are ridiculous.
A parent is parenting.
If she wants to hold her small minor sons hand outside then she can.
Honestly between work, school and running a house you should be grateful that she wants to spend the only downtime most families have with you.
You need to find activities and Intrests outside them.
Because as he gets older you will almost certainly see less of them. He will develop his own intrests and his own friends and hopefully mum will then get the chance to do what she wants.

Thank you all for your very reassuring messages. Whilst I read all the time about grandparents seeing their grandchildren all the time, I appreciate that a lot of people don't see theirs as often. I should feel lucky that I see mine quite regularly, even though I cant hold his hand. This is the first time I have commented on here, so I feel much better knowing there is someone there to listen.

Sorry to sound bitter and twisted but you really have nothing to complain about if you see your grandson every weekend. For goodness sake count your blessings and stop looking for problems

She sounds very insecure , maybe try telling her what a great Mum you think she is and how proud you are of her . Her behaviour seems to be having a negative affect on her son so anything you can do to make her feel better about herself would benefit him in the long run .

It sounds as if your daughter is happy to spend time with you with her son. That's so positive. I wonder, does your daughter work in the week so she wants the physical contact with her son at the weekend? Ours hold our hands, when they feel like it! Often they prefer to walk with a parent. Having said that we rarely go out with two of ours and their parents so I guess it hasn't been obvious one way or the other. Our Littlest, who really should, doesn't want to hold hands with anyone! If there is a time when you feel you could tell your daughter in a calm and interested rather than blaming way that you feel confused by this and wonder exactly what it is that is upsetting her that might help you understand. Please don't feel you aren't a grandmother, you obviously are. All families do things differently and sometimes we have to adjust to the way our grandchildren's parents see things. I think the suggestion that you widen your horizons if you can is a good one. If your health allows some voluntary work or other regular activity that would interest you perhaps. I hope you continue to see them both regularly.

I was expecting this thread to be all about not having grandchildren because your children had decided to remain childless.

Yes, your DD does sound controlling or odd. Have you spoken to her about this and asked why she acts in this way?

But we live 200 miles from our grandchildren, others GNetters have their grandchildren living in Australia and New Zealand.
and while I an grateful that I do have a loving relationship with DGC, I would love to be able to see them every weekend. We see them for a weekend about every six weeks.

As much as we love our grandchildren, as HildaW says being grandparents is only part of our lives, be glad of the time you do have with him and find activities you enjoy to fill the rest of your time.

Some would say you are very lucky.

Do not ruin it by wishing for more. Embrace what you have and try not to wish for the moon.
Your life should be more than just the love you have for your Grandchild - perhaps you need to spread your wings a little and find other things. I'm not saying anything will replace him, its just always very dangerous to let your life become focussed on just one thing whether that be a grandchild, a lover or ....in some people's case a dog!
Being a grandparent is about developing a relationship. There are no set rules or formulas and many of us just have to make the best of a lot less contact than you have. By making demands you can actually cause yourself a lot more pain.

What Riverwalk said.

Be greatful that you see him regularly. If you are indoors is he allowed to sit with you or cuddle you ? If not then I agree you DD sounds very insecure.

Go with the flow - be thankful for the time you have with him - play it by your DD's rules and look at the positives.

Perhaps fill your life up with other activities so that this one aspect of your life does not loom so large?

It sounds as if your daughter is the controlling one. How mean.. I dont know what to advise. Does your grandson ever come and stay with you?

You see your GS every weekend - how is that 'not being allowed to be a grandparent' ?