First grandchild due - any advice welcome

Buy clothes but don't go overboard. The beauty of being a first time parent is picking out those little outfits, blankets, bedding and the pram yourself. Most of the stuff you receive hardly gets used if at all although it is nice to receive some little outfits, not everything you pick might be to her taste and she'll want to get most things herself.

If she asks for advice give it, if not then bite your tongue.
Don't call her baby your baby.
Don't ask about overnights.
Don't pick baby up without asking.
Don't be offended if they don't want you in the delivery room/visitors for a few days or whatever. Its their time with their baby. Enjoy!

I was just reminded of another one from another forum.

The ONLY response upon hearing the babies name is
"Oh that's so lovely"

No matter how ridiculous it is.

Many congratulations,I have 4 beautiful GD's who bring huge joy to us. My only advise is to keep any opinions to yourself,never give advice,and learn to bite your tongue really hard

When my beautiful GS was born I offered to go and stay for one night a week to get up and feed him , my son was horrified and said thanks but no thanks !! After the first week he phoned me and said they would like to take me up on my offer and I have been doing it for the last 5 months. I try not to offer advice unless asked , tell my DDIL that she is a wonderful Mum which she is . Our relationship has gone from strength to strength . I don`t buy clothes unless I ask if it is OK first and just the odd toy. They do things a lot differently nowadays , some of it seems strange but I NEVER make comment . xx

I would say just enjoy it! You will have a special place in your Grandchildrens hearts and you don't have to do all the tough bits , just the fun bits which is great

When you hear the word ''Nanny'' ( or whatever they are going to call you it will melt your heart ans there is a special sense of pride and joy when you hold each little one on your arms

I have 2 from my 2 daughters , one daughter is settled and one isn't and am so looking forward to number 3 at some point ( preferably soon! ) in the future from the one who is settled ( esp as she lost a little girl at 37 weeks pregnant ) although I am busy raising my first Grandchild so the 'you don't have to do all the tough bit's' doesn't quite apply in this case lol .. but I do get great joy as well and will do even more so in the future when certain other pressures are taken off so I can simply enjoy being a Grandma to the max xx

I personally did not realise how much joy and love being a Grandparent would bring until IT HAPPENED and I looked into little mans eyes when newly born , said ''welcome to the world'' and my heart melted to absolute mush and has stayed that way ever since lol

???'!!!

You will be fine OP and that baby will adore you.
Think quality over quantity. Baby might not be able to see you weekly however you may get weekend visits and half term sleepovers. Where the real bonding happens

Thanks again for all,the excellent advice and sharing your experiences.

I have come to realise that it's me I'm worrying about! I am scared that I will miss out and not have the relationship with with my GS that my DM has with my son and daughter.

My DD is just like me, she'll get on with it and love it just as much as I did when I had her and then DS, paddyann you stuck a real chord with me. You sounded just like me (without the SCBU). You've made me realise that my DD will be absolutely fine. I brought her up to be strong and independent (so why do I want her to want me now, when she has got a lovely supportive and very much adoring DH ) You've all helped me to get a grip

Advice? - remember you are grandma and not Mum!!!!
Yes, just what I was going to say

Remember this is your grandchild not your child!

Congratulations. Play it by ear and when you go to see them once they are home take food or be prepared to make them a meal. When my first Grandson was born I arrived with take-away curry told them to go to bed and my new grandson and I watched Stricktly until he needed his Mum to wake up.

I know what you mean about reading Mumsnet. I have 8 grandchildren and some of the things I read on there were really helpful . Also real eye-openers about how a DM or MiL can accidentally upset a mum or dad. Some made me question whether some my previous actions were appropriate

Fortunately I have a great relationship with my 3 children and their partners so I am happy to ask them before I do most things. When my youngest son's' child was coming to stay just before Christmas, I rang my DiL to ask her if it was O K to take him to see Santa. The reason being that I had read a thread about a mum who wanted to do, "the firsts" with her son, but the mother was 'muscling in'. Seeing Santa, going to a pantomime, buying first shoes etc. I already had 6 GCs and it really brought home to me how important it was not to assume anything.

Congratulations. I have said to all the young parents in the family that DH and I will be only to happy to give advice WHEN WE ARE ASKED FOR IT, and will try not to do so at any other time. I find this remark generally raises a laugh and does result in the young parents knowing where to turn to if they need advice.
Most of us can tell a tale or two of our dear mother and mother-in-law plus all the neigbbours and any great-aunts, we happened to have, giving endless advice we didn't want.
Make sure your daughter knows that you are happy to help, but you do not want to rank among the kind of lady I have just described

she may love every minute of the first weeks I know I did,the day after my son came home from hospital after 11 weeks in SCBU I took him walking in his pram ,we walked for ages covered miles and I came home to find the Senior midwife from hospital on the doorstep.She said she'd been at the door three times and when I didn't answer,she thought I'd be stressed and tired and would need reassuarce ...but she could see that I was enjoying every minute ,and I did for the whole time he was a baby and a toddler and a child in fact still enjoy seeing him peeking round the door and he's 29.Today he came to raid my freezer as they fancied home made steak pie for dinner and didn't have time to make it "and yours is the best mum so I thought I'd take some home " I hope your daughter gets as much joy from her son as I get from mine .And you get as much fun from your grandchild as we get from ours

It's so lovely to hear from you all.

Those who live close to their DD and GC's are so lucky.

I am happy that DD and her lovely supportive DH are persuing their dreams in London. I don't want them to return to this northern Pennine backwater.

But I so want to support her and her son (eek), it's so hard in those first few weeks. SiL is wonderful btw. Neither of them have any experience of babies and their families are so far away.

I've had a couple of glasses of wine - ignore me. You have all been so supportive, thank you

OOOhhh massive congratulations! My DD has 2 boy's aged 3 years and 10 months. I adore them.They live round the corner from me I'm so lucky.
I'm very close to my DD she's a wonderful mother I never judge my DD or DSIL parenting skill's. I know they are doing the job as best they can and they adore thier son's.
My best advise would be to smile when you visit hold the baby when offered, or ask if it's ok to pick him up. (Both of my grandsons had bad reflux). Listen to what your daughter has to say. I think sometimes when you are pregnant or just had a baby it's good to have someone who will just listen to you.
We also love face time, even my little GS who's only just 3 knows how to face time me if get's hold of his mum's phone he'll call me just to ask if I'm coming to see him, or my favorite "Nanny I've just done a poo"
I'm sure your be a fab Granny,Gran, Nanny, Nan, Nana, Grandma, Grandmother that was the had part for me what do they call me! I'm Nanny just like my Mother was to my children! x

My DH sister, a lot older than us, said to me when becoming a Granny for the first time " mouth closed, arms open" I have often had to remember this !!!

For us it has been just the best experience (after having our own children of course) - all the joy without the sleep deprivation (unless you are staying with them!). In my experience let them settle in to their new roles during paternity leave and when SiL goes back to work (assuming it is that way round for them) then DD may welcome you coming down to stay for a few days (or longer if you play your cards right!. I learnt the hard way not to pass any comment that could be perceived as criticism - they are adjusting to the enormous change to their lives and relationship and suffering from lack of sleep so tempers can easily fray - tread carefully, and I am sure you will be blessed with the best of gifts - they aren't called bundles of joy for nothing!

As it's your DD then you will have more involvement but, as everyone has said, only give advice when asked. Things have changed on the childcare front and what I did 32 years ago with my DD isn't what is done now!

Otherwise, ENJOY!

Bibbity - good advice!

Please don't take offence if she doesn't parent like you did. It's no time an insult. She's a different woman and this is a different baby.

Just listen. I call my mum multiple times a week. And sometimes it's just for nothing. I could be walking around the house while we chit chat. Being a mum can sometimes be one of the loneliest things in the world. I love she lets me just waste her time.

Don't clean unless asked. People spontaneously cleaning my house is rage inducing.

Please for the love of God don't over buy. She's the one who has to deal with all the crap.

She might look a mess. Her house might be a mess. The baby may be a mess.
Don't mention anything. Just try and put a smile on and tell her she looks good.

Don't worry. Contrary to all the posts on here and MN there are billions of perfectly functioning adult relationships that we never hear of.
Yes. At some point you probably will annoy her. And she will annoy you. But you will be OK.

Sorry sbout all the typos - must remember to preview!

Something else Ive just temembered - when my first baby would not stop crying And I got very stressed my mother took him put in the pram for a walk and i found myself sliwly unwinding , relaxing and catching up on sleep. She returned with him fast asleep . I fidnt do exactly that but with all my GC i gave stayed when they were 2or3 weeks old and taken them downstairs in the night (after they were fed & changed ) and got them to sleep in my arms so the parents could sleep. It's a wonderful feeling cuddling a sleeping baby in a silent house in the wee small hours! I was of course careful not to fall askeep with them in my arms and after a while put them down in a carry cot/pram/moses basket but stayed downstairs to soothe if necessary. All the parents needed sleep desperately and I could cope as it was only for a few days and i could nap in the day too.

If you go to visit your daughter in hospital, go to her first, ask her how she is before looking at baby. She is still your baby.

How exciting! It's one of the best things in the world to have grandchildren. We are so lucky that our two live only minutes away, (we moved here after son-in-law left) and we have a wonderful relation ship with them both. Although it wasn't part of our 'grand plan' to move here we wouldn't have it any other way.

Enjoy every minute, they bring so much love with them.

Congratulations! Being a Granny is wonderful - all the things you wished you had done with your own but didn't have time etc. - another chance now. Enjoy!