I did something awful

Thinking about this - considering the fact that OP had been unwell during the whole trip it would have been nice if the parents had been keeping an eye on the child and making sure he was considerate to Granny.
( I expect Granny did the typical Granny thing of pretending she felt better than she did because she didn`t want to spoil the time for others!)

I was spanked when as a child I displeased my parents. I also had the cane/ruler during class-time. Usually for talking during a lesson. I'm more or less normal . Those were the days. I fully understand why JackyB feels remorseful. It proves that she has a conscience. Forgive yourself, JackyB and remember the good times that you enjoyed with your grandson.

Well said, Luckygirl, the voice of reason.

I`m another one saying to keep quiet. I`m sure it can`t have been a hard smack or the child would have cried and told his parents straight away. I`m also sure that OP won`t ever do it again so what is the point in bringing it up now? The parents will either laugh it off or it will cause a huge damaging rift

Hear hear Luckygirl!

I am not condoning slapping a child - no-one here is, least of all the OP.

I am wanting it to be put into the context of the punishments that are now fashionable, which involve isolation, tacit withdrawal of love etc. Neither are great and we would wish that they were not necessary; but we live in the real world.

I do not think the OP should say anything to her family about it because it is clear that this little boy understood perfectly well what had precipitated her act; he now understands that being noisy and obstreperous can push someone to the limit; he has not become wary of her, as evidenced by his subsequent behaviour towards her. In fact he has probably completely forgotten it - and the last thing he needs is his parents quizzing him about it and making a big issue of something that has floated by him.

If the OP had repeatedly hit him hard or punched him then my response would be totally different - but that is not what happened.

grannylyn65
I love that Can't wait to use it.

I was beaten most days by my stepfather, life long consequences.

Your reaction DIL is precisely why OP is going through such agonies.
Parenting styles change from generation to generation, many are now believing that the isolation of the "naughty step" is cruel in its own way and can be counterproductive. My DGD (2 going on 12) was put on the naughty step recently for her allocated 2 minutes, on the way she popped into the downstairs loo, picked up a picture book and was still sitting there happily enough half an hour later
Shouting at a child, putting him in his room, withdrawing affection(even for a few minutes) who is to say these are not more psychologically damaging? (I would)
Who knows what future generations will do, look at feeding- rigid routines in OUR mothers' day, demand feeding in our day and now (some of) our daughters are devouring Gina Ford and telling the world about "controlled crying" as if it had just been invented!

Jesus can't believe some of these reactions. There is only room on the cross for one.

Or a child could learn that they misbehave and get put on the naughty chair. Slapping is obviously the easier way out and like you said yourself, over in a second, however what purpose does it serve? It doesn't really make any sense. "If you misbehave i'm going to slap you" but in the same breath its also wrong to slap, kick, punch or hurt another person. But I can do it to you, a child, because you're a child. It doesn't even make sense as a concept. Yeah it might stop them from that behaviour but so would withholding food or water until they see sense. Just because it might work doesn't mean people still use those tactics in this generation.

It also doesn't matter whether anyone thinks its minor or not a big deal, it matters what the parents think. And if people really thought that then they would advocate her not telling her son/DIL to cover her own back. Instead its "not a big deal" and also Op should keep quiet and not tell them. The two things don't gel together. Children have an uncanny way of blurting things out and I very much doubt the incident is forgotten especially if the parents themselves do not slap their child for misbehaving. I reiterate in my view its like OP made the child feel he deserved to be slapped for being noisy which is a disgusting way to make a three year old feel. A three year old. Just because most see no issue with slapping a kid doesn't mean the parents of that kid aren't going to bat an eyelid. Tread very carefully OP. As I said if I found out someone had slapped my son in secret no matter WHAT he did, much less for being noisy (!!!) you would've lost the privilege of ever spending any time alone with my child ever again and I probably wouldn't be able to move past the fact you kept it quiet to cover your own back because you knew it was wrong. The first act is impulsive but keeping it a secret is sly. In my view this is the best advice you're going to get. You might even be lucky and your son and DIL won't mind the fact you slapped their son.

I have to say that a tap on the leg is better than the prolonged withdrawal of privileges that goes on now.

It is over in a second; it relates directly to the "crime" so the child can make the connection. These drawn-out punishments are torture for everyone, destructive of relationships, too disconnected from the event - there is a lot of evidence from psychologists that the further removed from the event a punishment is, the less effective it is.

I am not condoning the act - and neither is the OP - but if she is to be criticised, then it behoves those who do to examine the destructive effect of alternative methods of discipline that are currently employed.

The child would have forgotten it in minutes, perhaps everyone else should.

Seems to me that up till this present generation of perfect parents, children were smacked occasionally when they were misbehaving. They grew up ok, as did everyone in generations before them.

There's a difference between that and systematic child abuse which no one can condone.

I notice that those who think it's wrong refer to the OP having hit the child rather than slap him. This implies a wolloping punch across the face rather than a light slap on the hand. Not enough detail has been given of this particular incident to know how much hurt was caused, whether finger marks were left, whether a large bruise ensued.

No way. OP hit him and made him feel like it was his fault for being noisy. Its not okay for children to hit other children, children to hit adults or adults to hit other adults, but its okay to give a quick slap to a child? There are far better ways to deal with a child who is not listening to you rather than physically hurting them. I'm not saying its akin to abuse but I am saying its definitely wrong, period.

Call it generational differences if you will but in most people's eyes you don't lay hands on someone else's child. You don't blame the menopause or illness for having a short fuse, therefore hitting another child. And yeah its a mistake she did it without thinking but she should be an adult and come clean. I repeat, if this comes from the grandchild's mouth that granny came for a visit and slapped him for being noisy all hell is going to break loose.

There are plenty of adults who irritate me. Can I give them a slap? Maybe then they'd think twice about crossing me? No, I can't. If I lay hands on another person its considered assault. I cannot go and slap someone in the street for being too loud because that's not how people deal with things in a civilized society, so why is it okay to hit a child, a three year old child at that, because the adult in the situation thinks its annoying? To then have the grandchild feel guilty and quietly admit he "is noisy" thus deserved to be slapped. That's now what you teach children. Again, generational differences who knows. I'm sure there are grandparents out there who don't agree with OP.

Exactly, penstemmon
DIL, frodovagins, serkeen etc have put a very different slant on what is NOT "physical abuse" but a not untypical reaction. Of course OP didn't smack her DGS BECAUSE she had a stomach upset, but when you are poorly, or stressed you are on a shorter fuse, we all know that!
Put it behind you, it was an isolated incident, there was no harm done and who knows, maybe he will think twice before screeching out of temper?

I occasionally smacked my DDs legs if they pushed too far. They are well adjusted adults now. I recently also did the same to DGD who was deliberately defying and provoking and causing a row with her (not entirely innocent) sister to continue. In less than 2 minutes she was sweetness and light. She came and snuggled up beside me and chatted maturely about a school play she is in. A completely different child to the ranting and raving one before the smack! An occasional short sharp shock, for some children, is sometimes the boundary they need to feel safe again. I am not talking beating or daily physical punishment!

And let's face it - our children grew up pretty much OK under our care didn't they?
I wonder if some of the more strident MN types remember exactly WHO potty trained them?

I think you are right MawBroon. As you get older you become less dogmatic and more accepting of human frailty, because you have all your mistakes to look back on.

Generational differences methinks.
Perhaps this is precisely why OP is afraid to own up

You did the wrong thing so own up to it.

Its wholly unacceptable to hit another person. Period. Much less so someone else's child. And for what, because YOU had tummy ache? Do kids just become easy targets when you're over tired, or angry, or unwell that you can just snap and slap them? And then to not come clean is ridiculous. You know you did wrong and you know that if you told your son and DIL that they would be annoyed which is why you didn't come clean straight away.

People saying its not the end of the world - well neither would going around and slapping a neighbour or a friend. You still don't do it though. How can you have enough restraint not to hit an adult but can do it to a three year old child? Much less on a rare visit over to them.

You know you did wrong so you need to confess because your grandchild does. All the people advocating your mouth shut are advising you terribly. If I ever found out through my son that someone came into his home and SLAPPED him because they had stomach ache it would destroy every piece of trust I had in that person. I would go crazy. The people advising you to forget about it are doing you a disservice. The only way you have any hope of fixing this is to come clean.

It must be even harder for you,*Jackie*, when they live so far away.
I hope you've been able to sort the positives from the negatives on the thread. It's an emotive subject, with apparently a big generational gap.

If it is really preying on your mind only you can know how the parents might react. Choosing your time could be important and, who knows, they might well admit to being close themselves (or even "snapping")
However, some young parents can be very inflexible and "holier than thou". ( maybe with dreadful repercussions) but you have to know best.

I think you need to come clean.

It's unacceptable to hit anyone else's child and finding out that you hit the child from the child will make it much worse than just admitting what you did. You wouldn't hit an adult who was a family member without risking an assault charge it doesn't make it ok just because his a child.