Family slipping away

Are you in contact with your son-in-law's parents? Maybe they have the address?

I saw my late mum every day ,I visited at lunchtime made her meal,cleared up did her shopping and any wee things she wanted done in the house.I was working full time had a teenager and a five year old and a 5 bedroom house and a husband .I cooked ALL her meals even when she was in hospital.Imagine my surprise to get a phone call from my cousin telling me I needed to VISIT my mother .Mum had called her and said she never saw me !!Apparently visiting meant I had to sit and chat for a couple of hours ..which wasn't practical on a daily basis ,she wasn't keen on my little boy being around her,she had osteoporosis and thought he was too boisterous .I wouldn't expect my kids to do the same for me ,I know from experience how it can wear you down .

Wanting to see or hear from your children occasionally is not a "poor me attitude" at all katyk you mustn't think like that! I agree with that - I was not trying to imply that at all. I hope I was not misunderstood.

Wanting to see or hear from your children occasionally is not a "poor me attitude" at all katyk you mustn't think like that !
Is it really too much to expect a call or a visit (assuming they don't live hundreds of miles away). This has nothing to do with not wanting them to get on with their lives at all, which is surely what we all want that for our children and grandchildren. Just a case of them not being so wrapped up in themselves to spare a thought for their own mum/dad . Maybe it's my family who are strange? We are a very small group who (whilst we all get on with our own lives) we thankfully all still look out for each other and include the older members in the family in some of the things we do. Blimey just realised that with only my dad left I am one of the "older members of the family". Jeez how did that happen?

Is there a deeper-rooted problem - does she have a controlling husband? Others have said that these days families are not as close, scattered and/or so wrapped up in themselves they forget how important it is to keep in touch.

BUT, this doesn't seem to be the case here. Your DD is avoiding giving you her new address. You get phone calls/texts so why wouldn't she want you to have her new address? Why is she trying to keep you away? Very strange.

Hope you get it sorted and can get together again.

What a lovely person you must be Luckygirl I think I have developed a 'poor me' attitude. Must try harder.

My DC are in and out because they are dropping off little ones to be cared for; but if I stop and think about it, there are very few times when they just drop by to pay a visit to us. That may of course be because they have seen us anyway when dropping the children off - who knows?

I like to see them getting on with their lives though and do not like it when they ring and apologise for not ringing before, as if they have been remiss. I just take a big interest in what they have been doing when I do see them; hoping to make it clear that I am happy that they have full lives.

Thanks gilly We are beginning to think we have been bad parents although I don't think we have. DH always says to be 'let them get on with their own lives' but now even he is getting a bit fed up with it. I agree that we are now a 'duty'. How sad.

I don't think you did go wrong * katyk* I hear this more and more and wonder if some young people are just so wrapped up in themselves and their "busy lives" that they really can't spare a single second to visit a relative ( their mum even). I would rather not be visited than think that my son or daughter were thinking " oh god, I suppose I will have to visit mum " not nice at all .

I would be tempted to send an email, text, e card or whatever ... wishing you DSiL a very happy birthday. Hope you have a lovely day etc. Then add " I would have loved to send you an actual card and present as normal but sadly I do not have your address" .

This is a problem for many. Our DD lives 15 minutes away by car. They used to visit us regularly. I can't remember the last time they came here. If we want to see them we have to go to them. I feel very upset at weekends when I see all the neighbours having visits from their children/grand children but not us. If we invite them they are always busy. Not sure what went wrong.

Good advice from Vampirequeen Nannyrosie. Perhaps your DD is unaware of your worries and may not realise with her busy life that the amount of contact is diminishing. Tell her how you feel; I hope her response is a positive one and your worries can be put to one side.

If you've been invited you should go Tricia. I'm sure your GD wont mind vacating her room if it means she gets to spend some time with "the old lady". Hope you have a great time with your family.

Would it work to send a message saying you want to send a present and could you have the address please? It does sound a bit weird not to have notified you of the address, but presumably they told you of the move. Very strange.

Nanny Rosie - I'm in the same position and it is a worry.
I was thinking about a discussion of the 'generation divide' on another thread (smacking children)also the long thread about alienation from family members. Maybe the fact that families are often so scattered nowadays has something to do with it.
So different from my own childhood when my maternal GM mostly brought me up, and other grandparents lived just around the corner.
But that's the way it is.
Currently trying to decide whether to go and stay with one family as it will mean grand-daughter will have to vacate her room for the old lady

Tell your daughter that you worry you're losing contact. They're maybe so wrapped up in their lives that they forget that contact is important.