New grandparent

Mortaff There you go then.
You admit you eventually bonded with your own so please please give this forth coming little might a chance?

Mortaf there are different phases of parenting so I suppose grand parenting too. Some parents/grand parents love the baby stage others struggle to find a baby interesting yet when that baby becomes a toddler find them more interesting as toddlers talk, others are better when the child grows up a bit and you can take it out and have stimulating conversation with them, others love the teenage years when you see how they will take their place in the world. No one is brilliant at it all and we all have our favourite ages/stages. Perhaps as the child grows you will bond with it later as you did your son. You decide what grand child calls you just put your preferred name in its cards etc. and your DS will follow your lead. It is more fun than you might imagine right now but you have years ahead to find out and remember a grand child is not like a child; you can hand it back to DS when you have had enough.

Meant to say about the name thing - my mum was going to be Grandma but became Nana which was how she said it! I decided to be Nana but the grown up grand daughter calls me Nan - she thinks it's more trendy! My son's mil has called herself Glamma! For obvious reasons!

Hi, I think we are all so different and we can't help how we feel. I can remember in my early fifties sitting in the staffroom listening to all the enthusiastic "grandmas!" And thinking pleased none of my children had procreated! I felt it set the seal on being OLD! I also agree with all of the comments about young babies. I was always pleased when mine began to smile, sit up crawl etc. I am sure Motaff, there will be plenty of baby worshippers longing to hold the new baby! I am sure too, when he/she becomes a little person you will love him/her to bits! Now with 6 dgc I spanning the years from 4 to 27 (I'm quite old but don't feel it!,) I love them all to bits. I'm sure you will too.

Not everyone falls in love immediately with a baby - it's a bit of a myth that they do. I found it quite hard work with both my own children until they started to respond back to me but I do/did love them dearly. I haven't felt all gooey about my grandchildren as babies either, but again I love them very much and have always been pleased to look after them. My advice would be to not worry so much, you have years ahead of you and more grandchildren to come (possibly) You may well find that when your grandchild smiles when you talk to him/her or reaches out to you when you are near them you find those missing feelings spring into life.

Don't worry about the 'granny' tag. Can you think of something you'd be happy to be called? My Mum HATED being great-nana and upset my daughter by referring to herself as Nana. We had a chat and came up with G-Nan, which she lived and said it made her sound like a rapper! I like it too and if I'm ever lucky enough to become a great then I will also be G-Nan.

I feel for you in the difficulties you are finding in connecting with your grandchild. I felt much the same after the birth of my first daughter, and being distressed about it made it harder, but one day I fell in love with her and never looked back. I pray the same will happen for you.

I think facing up to becoming a grandparent is a bit of a milestone for some as it means we are no longer the busy youthful parent of a family however I'm sure in time you will find your new GC a joy but just like motherhood it doesn't always happen immediately just guard against letting your son know your feelings as he would I'm sure be hurt and it could have repercussions in the future

Mortaff - I do feel for you. I am childless and have never encountered many little babies in my family. I too wonder if people will see that I am not keen on picking them up, as I am unfamiliar with them.

Some very interesting responses to your feelings which I too share. Just look forward to the fun along the way as the baby grows into a small adult.

I do love all my GC - I have just had my 7th and I'm only 55!
But equally, I do understand that you might not want to be a major part of this one's life. I had my first when my youngest child was only three, so I've never really had that break.
I was 21 when I had my first child and 42 when I had my 5th - so I have never had a break.
However, you did not choose to have this baby, your son did. You've done the children thing with him and his brother and you do not have to do any more than you choose with this little one.
But there is something quite magical about your child having a baby and I think you will grow to love him/her. But please don't beat yourself up about it!! xx

Sorry about break.
his daughter, he and i applied for joint custody. After a long battle with S.S. and visits to court we finally got her when she was 2 years 8 months old, and I was 60. I must admit I was very worried about it, but from day one everything was great. She is now 22 and still at home. I absolutely love her. And she is more like a daughter to me. So give yourself time to get to know your grandchild. Try not to let his or her parents how you feel at the present time, because your feelings could change as soon as you get to know the little one, and you wouldn't want to have a rift between yourself and your family.

I have never had the desire to be a grandmother either, so don't worry. It doesn't make us bad people! There are just as many people in the world that don't want children. It is fortunate for me that my son is gay and he and his civil partner have no intentions of adopting children. My husband has 7 grandchildren and I always spend a lot of time and effort buying little things to keep them occupied when they visit and then take a back seat. You would never know that I'm not interested. From the many posts I read on gransnet, there always seems to be a problem around grandchildren (childcare issues, relationship splits etc). I don't think I could deal with all of this at this time of my life. I'm free to do as I please, when I please.

We're all different, and who can say what's "normal"? I'd just focus on behaving in a manner which doesn't upset anyone. Yes, perhaps there will need to be some play-acting involved, but isn't that better than causing a rift in the family?...

Maybe you need to see a counsellor and discuss your feelings. In the meantime you need to be a help and support to your family.

It was my daughter who asked me if I minded being called Frances by the baby, she thought calling me Granny was very aging for her!! It might also help the other grandma who might be hoping to be called Granny and worried you also want that name. I would suggest you say to S and DiL that you read about names for Grandmas in a magazine and thinking about would like to follow what they suggested and use your Christian name. DiL might be very relieved she can now offer the name of Granny to her mother. I understand all the royal GC call the Queen Granny!

I didn't really know my granddaughter as i wasnt allowed much contact with her, due to her mother, my son's girlfriend. The baby was taken into care when she was 15 months old, and was placed with foster carers, too long a story to relate, but because my son was not married to dgf her mother he was not allowed custody of

(Clearly) I am Granny to all my own and my step grandchildren..but one very dear friend hated the idea of being a grandparent and wanted to be called GP instead of grandpa. Ten plus years on this is now just Gee. I think it's quite a good alternative. I too am not maternal, adore my own children now in their 40s, and have only felt strong feelings towards the one GC which I was involved with from birth. All the others I love of course but I do have to hide my adoration of aforementioned GC a bit! Don't beat yourself up, once the new baby becomes a person and reacts to you things will change. Good luck!

Norah - when my first son was born my MIL decided that she wanted to be called 'Nana' - which name I have always loathed, but it was her choice - I still can't bring myself to say the word when discussing her with my children, now aged 58 and 60!

I wish I had been firm at the time - I have no objection to any of the other names..Granny, Grandma, et al...I'm called Grannyliiz by one GC and Raggy by the others.[ ..god knows where that came from!] I think left to themselves babies sometimes can evolve their own name for their grandmother.

By the sounds of it, you may have had a touch of post natal depression and this is bringing it back to you . Do not feel guilty about this. Try and find someone to talk to about this. And there are many very smart and glamorous grand mothers.we are all different. I was not terribly keen on having grandchildren. It was all more to worry about. You are not alone.

You are not alone Mortaff but you do have to try to be an Oscar winning actress for a while until the baby's personality develops. I've been there myself and felt my thoughts were wicked and couldn't divulge them to a soul as it would have seemed so ungrateful to so many who long for children/grandchildren and can't have them. Soldier on with a smile.

I agree with SussexGirl.

Also to add I called my grandson IT for many weeks and I also didnt feel instant love for him, babies are cute but can also be rather boring/tiring.

Give yourself time, maybe when the little one develops and shows his/her own personality your feelings will change. I have to admit this is when I enjoyed the grandson, when he became more like an individual than a generic baby.

Fake it til you make it, comes to mind.

Babies are very boring but perk up as they get older. Don't worry about bonding immediately as some parents can't do that, never mind the grandparents. The relationship will grow. In the meantime smile, be nice and keep your counsel.

Ps I agree with inishowen about being careful where you voice things. I have found people can be quick to label ("you don't even like your dgc/this/that") then it is hard to shift that when you are ready to move on.

Mortar, worry not. I was completely indifferent verging on anti and befuddled in my thinking when I was informed of the forthcoming grandparent status. I'm not particularly a baby person myself but thankfully and gratefully Mother Nature stepped in and I became besotted as a Mum Now my own child's joy with offspring has spilled over on to me and the individuals have won me over in their own right. Happily the Granny tag had already been reserved so I put some reasonable thinking into what I would like to be called when I was asked to do so by the parents. It has skewed a little from my original intention but I am SO VERY happy with the outcome. Some people assume we don't want the usual titles because of the age association. How wrong (and MUCH TOO LATE in my case!) and small minded of them. Try relaxing and do the best you can on a daily basis with your thinking process. I'm quietly confident for you simply from my own experience and I feel hugely sympatico. May the forces be with you........etc

Sounds like you are doing your very best, putting on a good face for everyone even though it is hard work and a bit draining. Well done.
Maybe it stirs up some of the old feelings from when your first boy came along, who knows. You got through that ok in your own time, I would guess that the same or similar will happen here too. Meanwhile my advice would be try to be gentle and accepting of yourself as well as (you already are being) with everyone else, it might make the whole process quicker and surely will make it more bearable.
I guess we carry some deep places in ourselves sometimes, take your time.

Suddenly you are morphed into someone else, you lose you title of mother, your name and now its grandma all the way. I am exactly the same. I love the grandchildren and get on with them although one is a little horror. I want to be called by my own name so have to work on that. Don't let your sons use you , luckily mine do not as I was working.I see so many grandparents battling with their grand children looking after them, they look tired and sad. Of course there are some who just adore all that and I respect them. There are so many sensible answers on here, even I feel better reading them.