Toilet training problems

Poor little thing. Poor all of you and what you have gone and are going through with your dd's problem. I'm not a child psychologist but I really do think your dd's problems could well be the factor in this behaviour. My view for what it's worth is that everyone takes a deep breath and steps back. I'd put her in pull-ups and just say to her, if she'd like to use the potty/toilet that's fine and just to ask. Don't ask her, they really do have to learn to ask not respond to being asked. If she does ask, lots of praise and cuddles, maybe a star chart.If she wets herself then it's a never mind let's find some dry pull ups for you. I'd give that a month and then see about going to the GP. This is just my thoughts, not trying to tell you what to do, just saying what I'd try. I've never never said anything negative to my dc or dgc about wetting or soiling themselves - it was always never mind, it doesn't matter, clean up and hugs.

I think the stress of her mum's illness could very well be a factor. Any change may seem very scary to dgd now, including learning to use the potty. And I hate to say it, but her mum's physical lack of capability may be making dgd she can get away with more.

Or not. I agree with those who suggest a medical checkup before assigning any emotional reasons.

I also sense that there's a lot of drama surrounding this. If it turns out there are no medical problems, then, imo, it's best to take a more relaxed approach.

I realize that the parents are worried about school though. If it's preschool, the teachers may be willing to help out. If it's kindergarten you're talking about, then, maybe not. Perhaps they need to take her to a continence clinic, as you did with dd, if one is available.

of course if the child is stressed by her mothers illness it must be taken into account...would you tell an adult to stop doing something they did through stress and tell them its just an excuse?

We've just started the idea of having a 'safety wee' before leaving the house. The number of times dgs1 said 'I don't need one' when asked and then we had to stop the car......

So now we say 'have a safety wee even if you don't need one' and that seems to work. Until the next time, of course

We are involved in the throes of potty training our DGS aged 3 . Its been a challenge as he also can and does say no.

We've had to change some things for instance, now he is not asked if he needs to go. We tell him its time to go.

That way no...is not no. ;-)

We do it often , far more often than necessary. We watch him like a hawk and second guess him where possible. He has a potty train on the wall, every successful potty event gets one step forward in week one . When he reached the end he got a toy. Week 2 and if its successful he goes forward and if its an accident elsewhere he goes one step back, thereby learning there are consequences.

We also stopped saying ' never mind its an accident' because we do mind and really its not {smile] .

He does quite well, and is dry at night after 2 1/2 weeks but days especially when he is focussed on something else is a bit hit and miss.

She is old enough to know whats what , and may well be upset by her Mums ill health but I don't think that's an excuse. If she has nothing physically wrong then its just getting her to understand what it feels like to need to go .

Good Luck !!

I agree with other posters, if medical checks don't reveal any problems then it's best ignored. This is very difficult to do but positive reinforcement works, lots of praise and a treat when things go right and just calmly deal with it when things go wrong. It's easy I know to offer advice when you are not in the middle of things but try to back pedal a bit on this. Peer pressure will work too. Good luck.

Seen this scenario with two DGDs. One responded to bribery - a jellytot when she got it right - she was nearly 4; the other (aged about 8) turned out to have lichen sclerosis poor lass, which she manages with steroids.

she may be stressed by her mums ill health,my youngest grandaughter sometimes wets herself and we figured out its whn mums having a really bad time with her fibromyalgia.Doctor has advised her not to make a big deal of it

I have a friend whose granddaughter is 8 and still having this problem. Apparently longterm constipation can be a cause, but my friend has found a lot of info online by googling "8 year old wetting herself". The consultant has given the 8 year old pelvic floor exercises, told her she must drink a lot and she is having X-rays etc to see if there is a physical reason why she can't recognise the signals of a full bladder, or whether she has problems with her urethra, etc. It's not necessarily a wilful or naughty thing by the child, and my friend's DGD has to cope with being wet at school and all the problems that come with that. I would say get her to the doc asap.