Will i lose contact with my grandchildren ?

Bibbity, did you somehow not see the rest of Smileless' sentence? It's:

"Make no mistake Bibbity of the extent some AC who've CO their parents will go to to try and disrupt the relationships their parents have with their siblings."

Iows, in Smileless' opinion (if I'm reading correctly), "Some ac who have co their parents will also go to great lengths to try to disrupt the relationships their parents have with their siblings."

You may not agree with her, but that's what she's saying.

That daughters saying causes so many unnecessary problems.

make no mistake Bibbity of the extent some AC who ve CO their parents
May I ask what language we are talking in as I DFU
Are we such lazy conversationists we can't write any words any more
And we have the termerity to moan about the kids and text talk GR8

Well to be blunt, it's none of your business what the other grandparents do with your relatives, as the children are not yours. I know, it's harsh, but why beat around the bush. Going tit for tat and making an issue of "equal" involvement is only going to work against you so I would steer clear of that. Just be positive and supportive with whatever involvement you're are privileged enough to receive! Grandparents don't deserve to be treated equally , they simply deserve to be treated the way they behave individually. For example, if you stomp boundaries you will not receive the same privileges as grandparents that do not stomp boundaries. My advice in general is to find a hobby that makes you happy and enjoy whatever time with your relatives/child's kids that they grant you. Good luck!

The children's dad has expectations that have been dashed. Not that old false saying to daughters being daughters to the rest of their life.

What "dad," Norah? Ds, the kids' father? Or his father, the gf - the op's dh? Sorry, but I'm not quite sure who or what expectations you're talking about here?

I disagree with that rubbish quote, I do not believe problems stem more from either person of the couple. I think the problems, if any exist come from the dad and his expectations.

Norah you can't rubbish Nannyshell's comment about controlling d's.i.l. when she said she was speaking from her own experience. Our experience is the same, it is our d.i.l. whose pulling the strings.

I'm not for one moment suggesting that it's your D's who are responsible for their husbands having no contact with their parents but because that isn't the case in your family, doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

There's only one thing I can think of that's worse than being estranged from one AC and that's to be estranged from two or in some cases more.

Make no mistake Bibbity of the extent some AC who've CO their parents will go to to try and disrupt the relationships their parents have with their siblings. At one point we thought we'd lose our DS too, such was the extent of their lies and determination. Thank God that he saw what they were up to before it was too late.

Some are not as fortunate, a GN being one of them which is no doubt why you made your post Bibbity; shame on you.

So now you're trying to say that someone else outside was to blame?
'But I and other posters can use our brains' to work out 2 children cutting out a mother is not normal and therefore it has to be the mother....

Pot meet kettle?

Why doesn't that same excuse apply to Norah?

Or the nasty s.i.l being the common factor, in my case anyway. Bibbity been off to sharpen your tounge?

Isn't that just a matter of posting an opinion as "fact," Yoga? Does itt matter that it's a collective opinion or how it was ""deduced." If one doesn't know the people, wasn't on the scene when the cos happened and doesn't have any concrete evidence, then it's still just an opinion, to my understanding.

I can see saying, "I think..." or "It seems to me..." But to state it as a fact? To me, that seems unfair to Norah and her dds.

If we're using the logic that says that common factors are the cause.
That means that if one parent has multiple AC estranged that it's that's persons fault ?

Right?

Of course I am silent, I do not tell my Daughters what to tell their Husbands to do. That way is folly.

Luckylegs9 , it is a rubbish and untrue old sentiment the "daughter is a daughter" bit, I did not say she should not feel sad, just the phrase is false.

Yes Norah did tell us that Starlady, but I and other posters used our brains, to deduced that 4D without in-laws is not normal and therefore has to come from the D's, with help from Norah if only through Norah's silence.

Well put Luckylegs

"As usual, you don't know what your talking about Starlady"

Because I said it was Norah's sils who cut their own parents out? Isn't that what she told us?

Norah?

Norah, once again you have ridiculed someone's post who is suffering loss of contact with her gc, Nannyshell is not in your position, of having four daughters and their chikdren to themselves, all your four daughters have a no contact with husband's family, that must be some sort of record, just how you can be so unkind I don't know. Do you ever for one second not consider those four sets of grandparents who share your gc and how they must feel.
All those grandparent going through this need all their strength and people's support just going on each day, as it is like a living bereavement when contact is severed.

As usual, you don't know what your talking about Starlady

Oh. Sorry, Norah, but it wasn't clear to me before what you were calling "rubbish." Now I see.

Staylady and Yogagirl, Nannyshell59, said: "I feel for you. From my experience, the daughter-in-law is in control". That is just rubbish and not at all to what EllieAnne post. She said d in laws parents both work, there will be need EllieAnne to help, she will not lose contact unless that is what she wants to happen.

Yoga, I understand your concerns about Norah's comment to Nannyshell. It was harsh and uncalled-for. However, I think you're mistaken in saying "her 4 AD have cut-off all contact with their husbands families..." I think it's her sils, themselves, who co their own parents.

So the kids are 9 & 4... then soon enough, Ellie, the older one will be busy with pre-teen and then teenage friends and activities and have less time for any gps. But both of them are old enough to remember the good times they've had with you, no matter what happens now, and will probably contact you on their own, sometimes, when they get older. No need to worry.

Nannyshell, my heart goes out to you! It sounds as if something happened that led to ds and dil deciding not to turn to you for childcare anymore. A big blowup, perhaps? A sharp disagreement over discipline? Or maybe the kids just aged out of needing a childminder and ds and dil have just blown you off since? Either way, I'm so sorry. (((Hugs!)))

Saggi and Opelessgran - great attitudes!

EllieAnne you are getting some good advise here, you have not been cut off, but wise to be careful. Good luck x

Nannyshell so sorry for your plight, I am in the same sad boat. How old are your GC? Take no notice of Norah, her 4 AD have cut-off all contact with their husbands families, so she has no understanding or empathy.

Ellie Anne, I hope things stay the same seeing GC or better for you- you never know what is round the corner. I had a bit of a journey accepting my DIL's parents see my GS more than me, they seem to live at my GS house. although I like them both, occasionally oppo grandma will say things like
" We want to make the very most of our GC so we see them as often as possible" - I don't think think she thinks that I might like to do that? ! However , it has been much easier since I accepted that DILs parents have more input, and I don't feel my oppos relationship is that happy, so what happens when GC grow up? On a lighter note, when dropping my GS this week, my son said " all he has talked about for days is seeing Grandma" despite seeing oppos all weekend. (I use the term Oppos lightly, they are wonderful grandparents, and I am able to swap days with them quite easily, I am glad they are as good as they are.)

Being friends with the other GPs is always a good idea. They are indirectly family after all.

I wish there was a better term for this relationship than 'The Other Grandparents', My Daughter's In-Laws or my Son-in-Laws Parents. It makes them sound like the opposition before you start - and is very cumbersome in introductions.