Worried about possible autism

I was shocked to see this on BBC last night. Apparently the side effects of this drug have been known for over a decade and yet pregnant women were still being told until very recently that it was safe to take in pregnancy.

Sodium valproate, pregnancy and risk of autism

Shocking.

I have a theory hat most men can put on a good face if they need to. He is not essentially a nasty person but as he has got older all the obsessive AS type of behaviour has become more apparent. It creeps up on you.

(Then there is the benign brain tumor successfully removed in 2010) which has left him with problems of poor decision making and even more hoarding type issues. particularly the constant talking at and over people so bad people get out of the way to avoid him.
His sister commented to me that she had definately found him more difficult to control his talking post surgery and his very constant digressions into irrevelant and tedious detail. it just crept up on me. Very very hard work.

Indeed NellieMoser. Very difficult indeed. I realise how hard it was for my MiL too, which I didn't appreciate before.

Nelliemoser - I can get that but I also wonder what it was that attracted you to him? I say this because I now realise I was always attracted to aspergers type men (though at the time seen as uber cool/eccentric.) It certainly didn't lead to an easy life....

Living with a person with Aspergers who is supposed to be a your soul mate and supporter is a rather different situation.
Not often a bucket of laughs. Very few laughs indeed when the other person has very little sense of humour and their various "interests" and "obsessions" and constant talking at others can be overiding to them and your own interests and your own feelings and wishes go by the board.
Part of AS is that many people can find it difficult to have much empathy with others.

Many of these posts and other stuff on t'internet is aimed at parents and carers.
With someone who has lived with this long before the syndrome was recognised and absolutely no support whatsoever the habits etc are really ingrained.

Thanks for the hugs Anya and mamie. Makes one fell less alone. I will be patient and think this will be a long climb by them to accept things...but I won't accept it if they don't let her wear glasses because of vanity. But I'm fearing the worst, they are probably reacting in shock before acceptance. I talked to an 'expert' who also has a grandson with an autistic spectrum disorder last night and he warns me that if she doesn't get appropriate help now she will get worse. So let's hope the school is on to it and the private speech therapist digs deeper if necessary. I think everyone is quite scared of DIL because she causes uproar when anyone, however qualified, casts any judgement on GD.
There is a lift though. Because they have one other child, another daughter who is two they are beginning to see the vast differences in behavior. The way she little asks them philosophical questions like where do the stars go in the day, and wittily says no and laughs completely typical but different behavior to GD1.
So I think this might give a little perspective on GD1's difference. I'm glad the second child was also female as it would have been put down to gender!
Thanks again for listening. And OP I haven't forgotten you... keep vigilant I think our instincts are probably true and it was at the age of yours that I first noticed GD1 behavior was untypical. So good luck and hug to you too!

That sounds so much like my GS1 Anya fortunately he is coping pretty well in his last year at primary school and we can relax and enjoy some of his "little ways"

I love the quirkiness of GS1 who is on the spectrum. He's just started secondary school, but being end of August birthday, is actually the youngest in the school.

He's finding secondary school 'better' than primary as he likes the different subjects, in different classrooms with different teachers. It suits his inclination to put everything into individual boxes, though the mental strain of coping with this takes its toll.

He's also started trying out new 'looks' and turned up at my house yesterday wearing his new black bomber jacket, black baseball hat and sunglasses ?- I did keep a straight face (just!). Then he spoilt it all by having a meltdown because the tail broke off his minecraft pig ??

Such are the delights these children bring with them.

Hugs from me too. I felt terrible when I had to tell my son and DiL that I thought my grandson had ASD; I can't imagine how awful it would have been if they had responded like that. You poor thing.
At least it sounds as if the school are on to it. I think you can only say as little as possible at the moment, but be ready to help when they are ready to accept it. I think it would be useful to read up as much as you can. The National Autistic Society stuff is good and the Neurotribes book gave me a much better understanding of how people with ASD think and feel. (Apologies if you have done all this already). ?

(((hugs))) please feel hugged GG

I believe my SGD is on the spectrum I first noticed it at two when from being very typical she stopped responding - no eye contact - meltdowns only appeased by tossing her around - would not respond to her name. I was gutted and researched it all but decided it wasn't for me to suggest their might be an ASD problem as I have an uneasy relationship with DIL.
I did suggest that perhaps she had a hearing problem as she never spoke and shoud have her hearing tested. I was shunned by her family and DIL for somehow suggesting that GD was not perfect. It was awful. So over the years (she is now 5 and a half ) I thought we all knew that she was affected and loved her deeply in her untypicalness. But no.... at the most they just see her as shy. So I understand the problem.
So now DS and DIL have been told by school that she is not thriving at all. And this has come as a shock to them!!!! To me it is so obvious that she is on the spectrum she exhibits every trait - she has not been able to have a birthday party since she was three as she can't cope - etc. She is in her own world and sometimes whe I see her she leads me away and mutely wants me to accompany her to every room where she laughs and smiles in delight. I love her.
I did say the A word to my son a few weeks ago and he was very angry. She was 'shy' ....I feel helpless because I want her to have the help she needs. She is now getting private speech therapy which I have offered to help pay for...therapist has suggested 6 weekly sessions. She is better on one to one than in a classroom where I believe she is largely mute. Apparently she has the understanding of grammar of a three year old. I wonder whether she can refer to herself as 'I' I think only in the third person, and most of her speech is echolia. I heard that a teacher thought she was being rude when ignoring her.... this is what is worrying me.
The latest was this morning when my son told me that GD has to wear glasses and he is very cross about that too. I can tell that he wanted me to side with his wife (DIL) in saying that glasses weren't necessary, that the tests meant nothing. I can't believe I am in such a tough situation.
I have pointed out that if she can't focus on things on the classroom wall etc etc it would account for her 'shyness' she is known not to respond in classroom.
Apparently GD refused todo the eye test in school - and even at the opticians - she easily refuses...and finally was diagnosed by an optometrist..My son thinks I have no understanding of awful it is to wear glasses. Good grief. He is totally swayed by his wife who is not what I'd call liberated. I can't think of an answer here. Hugs would be welcome though

Thanks TriciaF....I think what I meant was it wasn't 'common knowledge' back in the day.

Now... its all over and it is difficult to know what was considered quirky behaviour in the past is now considered autistic?

As others have said their 'autistic' children have grown into fine adults with degrees etc.

I always like to stay positive and although my DGS has displayed somewhat 'strange' behaviour....we are moving forward.

"In the past, Autism was never mentioned."
It was mentioned, Bluegal, but it only applied to a few very 'different' children and adults.
My best friend in our child-bearing years had 3 children. Her first, a lovely girl, who nearly married my eldest.
Her second, a girl who had congenital thyroid deficiency ( almost unknown nowadays).
Her third, a boy who was 'strange' from the start - complete lack of language - and developed extreme behaviours as he grew older.
The poor lad/man is autistic.

Aquafish, I understand your concerns. One of my grandsons always had certain strange ways about him. He became obsessed with certain toys but wouldn't look at others, he hated change of any kind. Would only have his toast cut in certain ways etc. For the first three years he wasn't interested in presents at birthday or Christmas (only wanted to play with Thomas) He knew all the numbers, colours and names of all the Tank Engine gang! but refused to move onto anything else.

To be honest, I wasn't worried, I just thought it was...him! My D and SIL were significantly worried that they did seek help/advice from professionals and he sure has had some extensive tests, but seems almost impossible to identify Autism until much later.

He is now six and there is definitely 'something'. He is absolutely gorgeous but is very much behind his peers academically and socially but he has still not been diagnosed as such.

Although he now interacts better and is more amenable to change, he still will cover himself up and go into 'quiet time' when all the other kids are playing (we have a large family of young GC) He will play for as long as he wants to and then toddles off to be by himself.

D is frustrated as she feels he needs 1:1 help at school but so far its been refused (see how he goes, type of thing). Because he was verbally challenged he would hit out if other children tried to muscle in on what he was doing. The school were very helpful but my D was constantly being told of his 'behaviour' . She was frightened he would become a bully. He seems more able to control himself now but still poor speaker.

Its inspiring for me to read about other's who have overcome autism to go on to University etc. I just want him to be happy and do as well as he can. When he is with me he is fabulous and I love him dearly but I recognise he ages with the 3 year old rather than the 7 years old but he is a big boy so people expect more from him.

I think all you can do is wait and see t.b.h. As someone else said I think we are all on some sort of spectrum! In the past, Autism was never mentioned.

Take care

Bluebell, something you said struck a chord, what is the significance of walking/running on tippy-toes? Thanks, it's something I noticed recently.

Good posts Mamie

They are in Spain BlueBelle. The initial diagnosis had to come from a paediatrician and a psychiatrist. The school did not recognise that there was anything wrong initially and when the diagnosis was confirmed the special needs adviser refused to help on the grounds that my grandson was not causing any behaviour problems. His parents paid for help from the Asperger's Association (though he has high end ASD it is not classic Asperger's.).
I worked in special needs support for many years as a teacher, adviser and inspector and spent a lot of time in units for children ASD in mainstream and special schools. Generally speaking at that time we were having to work quite hard to get diagnosis and support for children.
Do you think the over-diagnosis that you see is happening in schools now or is it just individuals?
I am retired now and not in the UK so I can't really tell.
In the end though, support for children with special needs is all about what you do, but I do think accurate diagnosis is part of that.

You ve misunderstood me Mamie I too have experience within my family I am far from ignorant of the spectrum and I also fully agree that it is bloody hard work and full on dedication for a parent to work with their child to help them learn how to process and live in this big bad old world, if it doesn't come naturally and well done your family Also in no way am I saying children who are serverely effected shouldn't be professionally helped (I did say that in my post) but there seems to be a need now to find every small difference and label the child and that's what I take issue with If a child is shy, hesitant or enjoys only one subject they are ' autistic' if a child has low concentration and needs physical instead of achedemic work they are
ADHD This dilutes the real problems some children face

I d be really interested in which country you are talking about where you say there would be no help apart from medical help ?

? (in lieu of a 'like' button, mamie).

I think the point is Baggs is that it really is a spectrum. If you met my grandson you might think at first sight that he is just a bit "quirky". What that actually represents is hours of work by his parents and his therapist to support him in developing appropriate strategies for communication and social integration. You will not have seen the huge amount of support, the rehearsal of strategies, the setbacks, the frustrations and the melt-downs.
In the UK, with good support for special needs, a formal diagnosis is not always necessary. Where my family lives they would have nothing in place at all without a medical diagnosis and support from the Asperger's Association.
I would not suggest the need for formal diagnosis of a very young child for what might only be developmental anomolies and probably not without the triad of difficulties being apparent.
I would keep notes, watch and wait.

Not having a formal diagnosis isn't automatically a problem and having a formal diagnosis isn't automatically a help. I'm not speaking from a position of ignorance. My entire adult life has been spent in the company of Aspies (their own term). Tolerance of quirkiness and eccentricity helps enormously. One also needs a certain toughness.

The reason you didn't hear about children with ASD BlueBelle is because they were frequently in special schools and institutions, whereas now they are in mainstream schools.
I can think of children I taught who clearly had ADHD and who would have benefited hugely from specialist support and treatment had it been available.
It is not a "label" it is a diagnosis.
The parents of autistic children in the past, had a desperate struggle to be taken seriously and to get the condition recognised.
As the grandparent of an autistic child, I find this minimising of it as a "quirk" or an "eccentricity" quite upsetting, frankly. I see at first hand how hard life is for my grandchild and his parents, as I know others do on here.
Reading Steve Silberman's book on Neurotribes might encourage a little more understanding.

and nannynoo.

Well said, Bluebelle.

We are all on the spectrum we need to get out of this habit of trying to put everyone in labeled boxes unless it is very severe and needing professional intervention please enjoy your little ones for what and who they are enjoy their individuality and little oddities surely that's what makes us all interesting ( or not) accept the differenences and for goodness sake stay away from medication unless truely necessary We are hellbent on destroying personalities in the quest to be 'normal'
I d never heard of autism, Asperger or ADHD when I was growing up but they must have all existed but they were accepted as just peoples differences or eccentricities

I m not in any way decrying professional help if a child is struggling or severely impaired just saying don't look for it in every little milestone or difference