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Grandparenting

Nineteen year old granddaughter

(13 Posts)
marylane1996 Sat 23-Sep-17 12:50:22

My granddaughter and I were very close up to about three years ago when the current boyfriend came on the scene. I like him a lot and told my granddaughter this and we used to go all together for a meal and seemed to be fine. I gave her money for her birthday which she never thanked me for and when I casually mentioned this she said my memory was going. I was upset by this but forever the peace maker agreed we would meet in two weeks which she cancelled because of her boyfriends granddad dying which I was very sympathetic about. she now has gone from texting me 10 or so times a week to having no contact at all. She has lived with her boyfriend since the day she reached 18 which I supported but I cant say anything to her mother as we are sadly estranged and after all she is not a child. Don't know if I should text again as she doesn't reply and I feel something has made her drift away from me. I have only seen her 3 times this year and find it heatbreaking

annsixty Sat 23-Sep-17 12:58:17

Can only send sympathyMary
My GD will be 19 in November and we also are very close.
She doesn't visit as much now but texts several days a week.
I appreciate her life will change.
It may be the BF who is the problem. I can only wish you the best of luck and I hopes she gets back in touch soon.

Luckygirl Sat 23-Sep-17 14:03:26

I am afraid that is life - children and GC grow up and move on. It does not mean anything is wrong; it just means she is getting on with her life. It is a shame she does not make contact like she used to, but you can take comfort that the closeness you shared is a part of what has given her the confidence to move on with her life. flowers

vampirequeen Sat 23-Sep-17 14:13:09

Why not send a text every so often just saying 'hello'? If she gets back that's great.

It could be a sign of her moving on or it could be a sign of her being isolated. By sending a text every couple of months you're letting her know she can still get in touch with you if she needs to.

Nanabilly Sat 23-Sep-17 15:08:07

The younger generation nowadays seem to be so wrapped up in themselves especially once they have their own place . I can understand they want time alone but they always seem to make time for friends but sadly not family. If I were you I would just keep on sending a regular text asking how they are and a gentle hint that you would like to see them and leave it at that . Keep your door open for if and when she needs her gran again.

BlueBelle Sat 23-Sep-17 16:25:37

My late teen grandkids have little contact with me now My 20 year old hasn't even thanked me for the (generous) money I sent for her birthday two weeks ago I know she is very' loved up' in a new relationship and just been on holiday with him
I guess this is how it is
I think the advice others have given you is spot on keep the doors open but don't bombard her or expect the relationship to be the same as before she's moved into a new era of life It's different nowadays my Nan was a big part of my life till the day she died I thought I d be the same ....

paddyann Sat 23-Sep-17 17:20:35

you could keep in touch by Facebook ,only problem is you sometimes see things you'd rather not ,my almost 15 year old grandson swears like a trooper on it though he knows its not allowed at home or in my home .But he does send me MSG's a couple of times a week so thats what counts.They have exams and jobs and relationships so we have to take a back seat .I'm sure your GD loves you as much as she always has ,and when her life settles down you'll go back to being a part of it .

paddyann Sat 23-Sep-17 17:23:04

you could keep in touch by Facebook ,only problem is you sometimes see things you'd rather not ,my almost 15 year old grandson swears like a trooper on it though he knows its not allowed at home or in my home .But he does send me MSG's a couple of times a week so thats what counts.They have exams and jobs and relationships so we have to take a back seat .I'm sure your GD loves you as much as she always has ,and when her life settles down you'll go back to being a part of it .

KatyK Sat 23-Sep-17 17:57:14

I agree that this is just life. I used to do loads with my DD and DGD and DGD said to me once 'we are close aren't we nan?' Things move on. She is 17 now and has a boyfriend and although we still see her, it is less often. It's just the way it is, although I agree it can be difficult.

marylane1996 Sun 24-Sep-17 09:41:25

thank you all for such supportive messages and it really helps to know others are experiencing similar things, I too am waiting for many thank you's for presents but have given up hope .... it wont happen now. I will keep the contact as you suggest so she knows I am there for her but now have to move on myself. Thank you all ladies

Starlady Sun 24-Sep-17 18:11:40

Good luck moving on, marylane! I know it must be hard. I'm not there yet, as my gc are still little, but I know one day I will be.

Iam64 Sun 24-Sep-17 18:22:59

I find facebook a good way of keeping in touch with adult grandchildren. I do agree though, not all their posts or discussions with pals are reassuring for their grandparents. I'm not sure its true that their generation are any more wrapped up in themselves than previous generations were.

Madgran77 Mon 25-Sep-17 09:03:22

I think its age and personalitynot generations. My husbands grandad was very upset when DH stopped visiting weekly as a teenager (in 1969!!) and DH never realised until many years later. On the other hand my daughter visited her grandma weekly until she died all through her teens and 20's !