Mil no longer allowed to see son

You have done nothing wrong....your mother in law has. How dare she say and do what she has done. She owes you an apology. Your husband is right to be annoyed. Your mother in law has to learn her place...

I too agree with luckygirl

What a fantastic mum you are for being do understanding with your Mother in Law. It's looks like she wanting to be number one in your sons life. It's probably a bit of jealousy.
You both need to sit down with her, preferably when everyone is in a calm mood and talk about your rules regarding your son. Never take him out without asking you. Be firm that it is your child and you would never do any harm to him, but you want to learn how to be parents and bring him up with your rules.

Serkeen' with reference to the original post, that is a really really unfair comment!!!

Really so sick of these sad stories MIL 's not being appreciated and children used to aid silly tantrum's!!!!
I am so shocked at how much it goes on I really am

OP ' you lovely ladies' and then thistlerosel ' I posted here for advice from these lovely ladies' eff off.
It's like me going on mumsnet and saying 'I really would like your lovely ladies / girls opinions' ...cringey. But then I like women to be called women. grans are though women with experience of both MIL's and DIL's as well as being mums which just makes us experienced in these things but no more lovely than anyone else! So I kind of feel groomed. And the OP makes no harsh judgements that is left for us to do which we have done in buckets...

As a mil to 3 dil and 1 sil I think I can speak with some knowledge on this and feel quite confident in saying your mil sounds like a raving lunatic. I have spent lots of time with some of my 9dgc more than others, but have never for a minute told any of them that their mums were nasty regardless of what age they are. Mine range from 2 1/2 - 24.
It's lovely to be trusted to look after your doc and especially lovely to get them to yourself for a little while. I've been lucky enough to have had most of them from a few weeks old. In some cases for a few hours for a wedding reception in one case, to a few days after a difficult pregnancy and quite traumatic birth. In the latter case my son and dil got a lot of critism from other people about leaving their very young baby with me for a few days. Their reply to all was "he was left with a very capable and .caring grandma" and they only did it because they knew, that I would have contacted them immediately at the first sign of any problems. I'm with your dh 100% on this one. He has known his mother a lot llonger than you have, so listen to him and back well of. She will realise eventually what the rules are but please please wait until she contacts you and then refer her to your dh to set down the rules for contact and don't ease of on what you jointly decide because
she really needs to be put in her place and kept there. Sorry about the long answer but I've found this quite a worrying situation even more so considering the possible health issues your little one may have

I am a MIL and I bend over backwards not to interfere...I would not take a grandchild anywhere without one of their parents knowing....I would never criticise my grandchild's parents - it is an unwritten law isn't it?

You are your dh are the mum and dad and what says goes.

Hate to say this but I would not trust anyone who acted like this with my newborn.

Set your 'rules' and enjoy your ds.
xxxx
And now get with enjoying you and your family

Maybe all three of you need to have a boundary chat. I am so glad you husband was furious with his Mother as she was way out of order. How dare she tell you child however tiny that you are nasty. Your husband is wonderful

You and dh deserve medals for putting up with mil for as long as you have - in many families she would by now be totally banned and barred.

Deranged, off the wall, .... hormonal?

VanillaSoyLatte I think you are very possibly a saint! Your mil should be forever grateful that she has such a wise and loving DIL- if she doesn't then you should consider showing her these posts! Love to your dear little family.

VanillaSoyLatte you sound like a kind, generous person. You are trying to deal with all the pressures of motherhood. And your baby isn't completely well, either. Your husband wants thngs to be stress free for you, and is doing a good job by standing up for you in the face of some truly baffling, disrespectful behaviour from his mother.
It's early days. Your MiL started off on the wrong foot that's for sure. I am worried about the lack of respect this woman is showing you. She needs to be told in no uncertain terms - my house, my family, my rules. Alienating a grandparent is devastating to the grandparent and cruel to the child, so your MiL needs to see that she is pointed in the direction of losing contact with her grandson if she doesn't change her ways.
I learned a hard lesson in my granddaughters early years, and now that I am back in her life, I am very, very careful to keep my opinions and advice to myself, unless I am specifically asked.

Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful boy.
Not sure I have a lot to add, except that my MIL changed like the wind towards me, I was a wonderful girlfriend, then a rubbish wife, then a wonderful mother and finally such a vile ex DIL that neither I nor my children (her grandchildren) were worth bothering with. Sadly, though thankfully few and far between, there are some strange people about.

Hi Vanilla, you have enough to deal with at the moment without having the upset brought by your Mil. What on earth was she thinking "talking" to your baby in the way she did. Thank goodness your Dh heard her and let her know it was out of order. Then after being forgiven, she takes your baby out of the house without telling you, saying she needs the baby to know that she is as important as you in his life.
Surely you can see that she is being massively disrespectful to you by her words and behaviour.
I agree with the majority on here that she sounds quite unbalanced and personally I would keep her at arms length. Leave your Dh to deal with her, I would not go against him on this decision.

I share the concerns that so many others have expressed. I'm so glad that your husband is being supportive and defensive of you. Possibly the prominent display of a plaque stating 'Our House, Our Rules' might be in order - you then both laugh and point to it whenever MIL steps out of line. Hopefully, she'd soon get the message.

Hi What a muddle of a situation! Your mil has been behaving quite unreasonably but tbf its the nature of grandmas to think they know best .. I know I am one.

I havent noticed anyone else highlighting that your DH needs to work with you as well regarding your sons upbringing. excluding his mother without consulting you is also unhelpful given that she does support you with the baby.

My own mother frequently did what she thought best with my children and I think it can be a generational thing. However you must explain how you want things to work and stick with it together, Good luck with solving this children need their grandparents and a bit of help from them can be great for parents too!!

Vanilla Soy Latte,

From your post, your MIL seems insecure, insensitive and impulsive, but not ill intentioned. Your DH knows her best, so allow him take the lead on this one.

As easy as it may be to let someone else take over when one is sleep deprived and overwhelmed with a new baby, it's not worth relinquishing him to someone who has lost your trust, even if it's just for a much needed respite.

Since your baby has health issues (finances permitting of course), a professional nanny (doula) for two or three hours a day could be a solution, so you can have some time for yourself.

You and your DH also need to have an honest 'sit down' with your MIL, whereby you both set some ground rules and get her cooperation. Allow her to visit with baby, but never unsupervised going forward, until (or if) she can earn your trust again.

I had babies once too and have been in your shoes. New mothers always have a hard time for the first few months, but we can adapt quickly. Give yourself another month or two. You and baby should soon fall into a routine and you will also have more energy. You'll probably get more sleep too.

As your son grows into boyhood, all these issues will likely go by the wayside.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but this woman said deeply unpleasant things to a tiny, unwell baby and, as if that wasn't bad enough, she took him out of his home without his Mum's permission!! Of course his Dad was upset! I'm upset!
Please don't leave your baby with this woman. It isn't safe. I think there may be some mental health issue and it's not worth the risk. I don't think she will "bond" with this little boy in any meaningful, healthy way - she hasn't with her own son.
I have often thanked God for my own DMIL but never more so than today. I don't agree with everything my DDIL does in relationship to my DGS but I would never give advice unless asked for. It's my job to tell my DGC how very much their parents love them! Even my odious ex-SIL because he's DGD's Daddy.
Good luck OP but give your MIL time to think about what she's done and then let DH approach her and lay down a few ground rules.

I was lucky to have a mil who could never get enough of her grand children but at the same time did not attempt a take over as it appears your mil is doing and talking rubbish at the same time. This is not your usual 'diddums' baby talk but unpleasant comments and fortunately at present your son will not understand .As he gets older learns to talk ,listens ?what then?
This is upsetting for you and has to be nipped in the bud. It is worrying your ds has a health issue and this puts pressure on you to accept any help you can get from grans'. Taking your child out of the house without your permission is unacceptable and stopped.
Listen to dh. He is not happy with the way his mother has taken over and has done what he believes best so go along with it. Your child's welfare comes first not whether he has upset his mother for which you appear to be, in not so many words. apologising. We know it wasn't you who has put a stop to mil visits. Your hormones are working overtime. It is normal in your circumstances to feel weepy and get uptight over things and until the trauma of birth settles down, and it is a big task our bodies take on to grow and produce another human being , will be all over the place.Added to this is the worry concerning your baby son's health.
Start as you mean to go on. Your husband has sensed his mother is in take over mode, he must know her from past experience and made it clear as to his wishes. Good for him. Put your trust in him that he is doing what is best for both you and your son.
Get as much rest as you can feet up sleep when baby sleeps. House work can wait and do listen to dh.

Don't try to fix this.
MIL caused the problem, MIL can fix it.
She sounds very very jealous to me. She is getting so much attention out of this.
New baby, first GC in the family and naturally it's an immense event and all eyes are on you and your son.
She's trying to get everyone to look at her instead and it seems to be working. Talking it through isn't a good idea as it will just give her more of your precious time and put her centre stage , exactly what she is trying to achieve.
She can't bear that you are now a Mother and sees you as competition for attention.
It's awful behaviour and she won't change.

It’s a very difficult time, and everyone needs to respect boundaries. You are so LUCKY your husband stands up for you
.i think most of my m.i.l issues, and there were many, were worsened because my husband refuses all his life to stand up to his domineering mum. What about a wee lunch together for everyone concerned, and tell them in advice you are going to discuss ground rules, the same for both grannies, as you want consistency for the child. Then, depending how confident you are about speaking to them either tell them or write them down. Explain you don’t want ever to fall out, and appreciate them as grannies, so this is to stop fall outs. Explain why these are the rules and how you feel.

You have a wonderful husband and a " batshit crazy" mother in law (to use Mumsnet terminology). Could she be in the early stages of dementia? Has her behaviour changed in other ways?
If she is not ill but is showing you what she is really like then any contact with your baby must be 100% supervised. Even take baby to the lavatory with you while she is present.
Don't rush contact, let her stew for a bit and be thankful you have such a supportive husband. Best wishes.

Where is it picked up on Mums et. Its not in any of the threads as far as I can see? Interested as wondering how often this happens going across from GN to MN

Hi, I not a Gran either.. I posted here for advice from these lovely ladies but thought I might reply as I know someone very like your MIL, my GRAN!! She is a dreadful woman, she says exactly these sort of things, she undermines my decisions and she ALWAYS gets her own way.. My husband and I have the opposite problem.. I fight back with her but my husband thinks I should just ignore her, problem is I know her way better than he does and I know just how disgusting she can be when it suits.. Your husband doesn’t sound like he’s being unreasonable, he’s probably seen behaviour like this from her for a long long time and he’s probably just trying to set boundaries that it is NOT happening to his wife.. Give him a hug and be grateful he’s willing to step up.. my ex husband wouldn’t say boo to his Mummy Good luck xx

You are patience personified with your interfering mil and lucky to have such a supportive husband . From his reaction to her antics ,it seems she has been like this for a while, before you had your own baby I mean. As a member of Grannyworld we all adhere to the main rule ; adore, be besotted, love to death , did I say adore ? our grandchildren. The other rule is ; help but don't interfere , don't take over, let the mum find her own way with parenthood.
My late mil was great, my own mother died before I had children. She never said "do this or that " but used to say " I often found such and such helped with my babies" .
To say to your baby that you are a bad mommy is reprehensible , even though he doesn't understand now, will she be saying that when he does ?
It would be sad to deprive your son the pleasure of two sets of grandparents . I think you and your son need to sit down with your mil and set some rules in place . If things improve , great , but if they don't, well she will miss out . Congratulations on your little one, remember you are the parent, what you and your husband say and do is law in your home.