Lost again

If there is one certain thing - huh - it is that we ostracized grandparents get to live with all our nerve endings on the outside. People sail through their lives - I did once oh so long ago it seems - thinking I was kind and empathetic when in fact I didn't have a clue. Now my friends list has dwindled down to the stalwart few who are just lovely and anything less, I don't have the emotions left for. My loss of course. And I have you lovely lot who stick with through thick and thin.

Yes Yoga they are but when they don't even apologise they are out of my life forever. I do have lots of people who have been absolutely wonderful which, perhaps, makes this one couple stand out much more. The kindness and thoughtfulness of family and friends has been outstanding.

Nonnie some people are so thoughtless
Nanban xx

Nanban the loss of my son has made me see things very black or white and I have no time for such friends. Yesterday I sent a very forthright email to the 'friend' who had said that DS chose to die. They have not replied. I have also 'unfriended' from Facebook someone who kept posting her very right wing views. It is surprisingly easy to divest oneself of negative people when real tragedy strikes.

A friend emailed me today saying how hard life is since she had the flu - I was far less than sympathetic. I would swap my days for the flu any time. How to lose friends very easily.

Nonnie, I am so very sorry, words are inadequate. ? (((Hug)))

Thanks nanban

My poor dear friends in adversity, how pointlessly sad it all is. Nonnie - there are no words, but the lovely people on Gransnet surround you with their love and care. Gransnet is a place of solace and healing.

We too have been through all the processes of apologising, whilst not knowing for what, jumping through every hoop, watching every word and just wanting to be loving and kind. It's no good saying it will all come right, and there is always hope because you have lost your boy. One day your grandchildren will know you and through you, your boy, and they will love you for it. The day that happens you will have triumphed over all the sadness and hurt.

Gabrielle8 I do understand what you are going through, isn't it horrible? I can't offer you any advice because nothing we did worked, We apologised for things we hadn't done, we grovelled and nothing worked. According to DiL I am the most evil person in the world, a fiction not recognsed by my two other DiLs who love and trust me.

Please do all you can to support your son, he is more vulnerable than you might think. On the occasion when DS had to call the police the policeman I spoke to wanted to arrest DiL I said no because of the children. We had quite a chat and he said his brother went through the same and eventually committed suicide. I am not saying this to worry you, just to make you aware so you can give him all the support he needs. It is so hard for men to keep trying to see their children when up against such women. When men give up because they cannot cope with the stress they are then accused of neglect.

Yoga yes, more than anyone realises.

Thanks all for the kind words, you have no idea how much I need them right now.

OMG, Nonnie, I'm so deeply sorry!

Your ds' death must make it all the more meaningful for you to see the kids. Sorry dil makes it difficult. Hang in there!

Nonnie I think your d.i.l is heartless.

OMG! Nonnie I'm so very sorry My dad died of a broken heart and I almost did, but I'm still here to tell the tale.

You’re right Nonnie, words are inadequate, so I will just send you loving thoughts.

I worry endlessly about my own son, suffering because of the vicious actions of his child’s mother. I’m finding this world very difficult to understand.....Rosy.x.

Nothing you or anyone else can say Smile we have to live with it.

Oh Nonnie, I don't know what to say (((hug))).

Yoga my son died and we don't know how. We will never get over it DH says he died of a broken heart.

Agree with Yoga!

Nonnie I hope your Son now sees his boys, that is a terribly cruel thing to do, to the boys and to their dad

Starlady DS and DiL never divorced but had been separated for a few years and DiL would not let him see his boys.

Yes, beautiful post, NannaNancy!

What a lovely post nannaNancy I've been holding on to that hope for 5yrs+ now, but that hope is beginning to slip

Kirkcubbin, I'm so deeply sorry. Such a painful story! I just hope you're exaggerating when you say ds' life is 'ruined." He can leave dil and find another, nicer lady, surely?

Jimmy, groan! Your situation sounds very difficult. But, at least, you have both dss in your lives. Would it help to just make up your minds not to discuss one's business with the other, period? No "tinterhooks," maybe? Just don't bring one up to the other and vice versa. If they don't care for each other, that's sad. But it also means they don't really want to hear about each other, surely, and they don't need to know. Does that make any sense?

Milly, I feel for you, too. But wait... GD and GGD? Did this begin with your DD or DS? Or is there some kind of issue between you and GD herself? What do her parents think?

Margarette, congratulations on eldest gd's successes and those of your dh's gds, as well! How lovely that you have a good relationship with those 2, also.

Glad that elder d found her way. I understand it's hard for you to be proud of her because of her attitude towards you. But I'm sure something in her upbringing - the way you raised her - led her to setting and achieving a professional goal. Obviously, she stopped to have children along the way, and it's good to see that at least one of them is doing well, too. It's all part of your personal legacy, imo.

I'm sorry elder d's dad died so early, and that probably didn't help her attitudes. Also, I'm sorry about the issues between you. But you have others who love and appreciate you, and I hope you take some comfort in that.

Oh wow, Nanban! Sounds like your dil really is ill. I'm so sorry! (You were so right, Smileless, about Nan's dil being "the problem.) So sad!

Nonnie, I'm a little confused. Do I understand correctly, that ds and dil are divorced? And that she wouldn't let him see the children? Is that still the case? Does he have a contact order? If he does, then perhaps he can share some of his time with you? If not, maybe he needs to file? For his own sake and, of course, the children's, first, but also for you and dh.

NannaM, sorry you've gone through this sort of thing, too. But glad to see another gp who managed to get a contact order! Not every egp does. How did you get so lucky?

Sorry, Gabriella, "iows" means "in other words."

But unless GN adds a rule against acronyms/abbreviations, I'll go on using them, thank you very much.

I'm so sorry for your troubles and sincerely hope they soon get resolved.