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Grandparenting

What was your relationship like with your grandparents?

(98 Posts)
Artyfarty Wed 17-Jan-18 11:02:58

Mine was nothing like the relationship I have with my grandson. When we went to visit we were given a glass of milk and a biscuit and expected to keep quiet whilst the grownups chatted. There were no toys or books at either of their houses and I can’t remember much effort to engage with us at all!

joemaxster2018 Sun 27-May-18 07:34:04

I only knew my Mum’s mum and only saw her a few times a year, when the London family came to visit. She had no interest in me as I was a girl. She only had time for the boys. Mum said she was the same with them. She loved her sons more than her daughters. I’ve no idea when her husband died, never knew him.
My Dad left home at 15, ran away to sea and never had anything more to do with his family. So we didn’t meet any of them until Dad died when his brother came to the funeral. Apparently all of us girls were named after Dads sisters. Never met them or saw any of them again.
I will never be a Grand parent like mine. I’ll be the kind of Gran my Mum was to my daughter.

mumofmadboys Sun 27-May-18 06:44:44

I had a lovely paternal grandma. She lived 150 miles away so I only saw her once or twice a year. She was loving and kind and had a big smile. She was at our wedding but had died by the time our first child was born. But she knitted her first great grandchild a lovely shawl, wrapped it up and wrote me and DH a letter wishing us a very happy life and saying she had enjoyed knitting the shawl for our first baby. She gave the present to my mum to give to us when we had our first baby. I cried buckets over it. It was such a lovely thing to do. All 5 of our kids have come home from hospital wrapped up in it. I so wish she had met our choldren.

JessieR33 Sun 27-May-18 00:16:30

On my mom's side my grandmother and greatgrand-mother couldn't stand us because they throught my mom married beneath her. We didn't have everything her siblings had.
We lived next door to my gg-mother, we we're very poor so we only had this 99 cent ball to play with, well if we hit it in her yard, she'd come outside and keep it and give it to our cousin who lived with her. Then play with it in front of us.
We lived in a house my grandmother owned, my parents paid rent, the house was Infested with mice,Rats and roaches, she didn't care. My grandfather was afraid of her so nothing was done. Eventually we moved and the house was torn down. They we're well off owned 2 businesses and several home's. One of them was a mom and pop type store, she wouldn't offer food for us, when my parents didn't have money. She did not offer any housing to us.
She favored other cousins who ended up taking advantage of them getting involved with drugs and because of that they Lost Everything. And guess who came to her rescue? My family, By this time my grandfather had died. She ended up dying from dementia. And unfortunately the apple doesn't Fall far from the tree, my mother did not like being a grandmother either. I didn't let my mom spend Too much time with them, they knew and could feel how she felt cause she showed it. My mom is 88 and has dementia like her mom, and will most likely meet the same Faith her mom did. I'm a grandmother now (he's 4) and I will NOT be the grandmother she was, I love my grandson to death, I tell him I love him Everyday. ☺️

MaudLillian Tue 15-May-18 23:50:11

I loved my grandmothers very much. I saw my Mum's mother twice a week, growing up, and my Dad's mum every Sunday for tea - and she used to come on holiday with us too. I miss them both. Now I am a grandmother myself, I realise how lucky my grandmothers were to see us so often. I only get about 2 hours a week with my adored granddaughter.

cecily64 Tue 08-May-18 17:20:37

I didn't spend much time with mine but still felt fond of them and close. When we went to their house I was expected to sit quietly whilst they listened to the radio - I remember the boredom. Now I have a house full of toys and games I buy second hand so that there is always something for them to do and they don't remember time spent with me as deadly dull.

Newquay Wed 24-Jan-18 17:03:54

We lived with my paternal GF in a small 2 up, 2 down, no bathroom, toilet down yard. Apparently it was cos of the housing shortage after WW2 that my parents moved in with him. Possibly expecting to be rehoused we were there til I was 16-yuk! GF was idle, his other daughters used to come to visit most days while my parents were hard at work in pottery industry. I recall my DM saying they used to use all her coal and drink all her tea (and milk) and leave their dishes. I never knew his wife my GM. Apparently she died in childbirth when my Dear Dad was 12-he never talked about it. My maternal GM lived a bus ride away. Apparently her mother had escaped the famine in Ireland. What a tale my GM could have told but she didn't. Her husband had died before I was born. Loved hearing everyone's different tales. I would love to sit and talk to them now, would have so many questions.

knickas63 Wed 24-Jan-18 16:22:19

My Maternal Grandmother lived with us. She could be hard work, as as a teen I argued with her a lot, but she loved me dearly. I can't say we ever played or seemed particularly close, even though we shared a room! She was always busy or gossipping with neighbours. She always had snacks or sweets for us though. My mother worked, so Nan was the main carer. Paternal Grandmother had weekly visits, tea a biscuits, sometimes cake and best behaviour, mainly due to my Auntie who lived with her rather than her. You don't have to spend loads of money or buy lots of toys to show your love. Just being there is often all they want.

DameJudyClench Wed 24-Jan-18 09:43:07

It's lovely reading all of your memories. I was thinking about my maternal grandparents just recently after watching the film 'Dunkirk'. My grandfather was one of those that were rescued by one of the civilian boats. He came back to Blighty with a puppy and an alarm clock smuggled under his coat. I remember that alarm clock being next to my bed as a child. It was a bit worse for wear, but still ticking.

He and my grandmother lived in the north of England, and I was born there but grew up in the south. My DGM was a typical northern matriarch and was strict but loving. She also made the most amazing roast dinners. Despite the 300 mile trip, I used to spend all of my holidays with them as a child. I still miss them.

My paternal grandfather was a lovely man, but sadly died when I was about 7 or 8. My paternal grandmother was a horrible woman - cold and unloving. I was quite bitter that she outlived my other grandparents and even my father (her only child) by quite a few years. She didn't even go to my DF's funeral.

I now have 2 DGC of my own, and I love them to bits. My relationship with their mother (my DD) isn't very good, but she is happy for me to have regular contact with them, so I see them as much as I can. I hope they grow up to have as many happy memories of me as I do of my northern grandparents.

Synonymous Fri 19-Jan-18 20:27:40

I did not know my maternal GPs as GM died before I was born and GF shortly after my second birthday. When our parents bought a house our paternal GPs lived with us to look after their GC whilst our parents both worked because the mortgage they had to pay was 13/6 per month which was a good deal of money to find each month.
GF was a lovely kindly tease who told very long shaggy dog stories and GM was very starchy. I used to 'visit' in their sitting room and must have got on very well with GM judging from (her DD) my aunt's reaction to the things I did with her and her amazement that I was allowed to use GM's precious sewing machine. I learnt a great deal from her about needlecraft and giving a good 'finish' to my work. Our GF was instrumental in each of us having our own small garden and he taught me how to sow seeds, pot on, take cuttings and generally instilled in me a love of the garden which has stayed with me all my life. My DGPs taught me many things and I loved and was loved by them although they were strict disciplinarians which is something I seem to have carried on too. hmm Clearly, at least in our family, we all soften towards our DGC rather more than to our own DC.

jimmyRFU Fri 19-Jan-18 15:01:09

Im 60 now and my 95 year old Uncle lives in the house that my grandparents lived in. The toy box is still in the understairs cupboard. Used firstly by me and my twin brother, then successive grandchildren.

The only time we were expected to sit quiet was at meal times but it wasn't a b ad thing if we did'nt. My Dad (their youngest son) along with his brothers and sisters, on the other hand would get a clip round the ear if he spoke during meal times.

Magrithea Fri 19-Jan-18 12:12:29

I only knew my Dad's mum although my maternal grandad was alive when I was small I don't remember him (though I do remember his funeral when I was about 5!). As the only granddaughter (Dad was an only child) I was close to my grandma and have her engagement ring that I wear every day.

I was sent off with various of my 3 younger brothers for some of the school holidays when we were older and we had lovely outings on the Hants and Dorset buses - Bournemouth, Poole, Portsmouth, Calshot, Sandbanks and Shell Bay (before it became a millionaires playground). I only discovered that she'd been in service as a nanny when my Dad died 6 years after her and Mum and I were going through family photos. My DD became a Norland nanny and I wish I'd been able to talk to Grandma about her experiences

Artyfarty Fri 19-Jan-18 10:11:50

My maternal grandma had a hard life. She was brought up in an orphanage and when she got a bit older she was claimed by some distant relatives. They worked her hard and used her as a servant. She ‘got into trouble’ and ended up marrying my grandfather. It was not a happy marriage, he was a womaniser and liked his drink. My mother was in fact named after one of his girlfriends.

Juggernaut Fri 19-Jan-18 09:51:05

I never met my paternal grandmother, she died when my DF was a teenager. However, she must have been a determined and strong woman, as she had divorced her husband in 1930, when my DF, the youngest of five, was three years old!
I have very vague memories of my paternal grandfather (the man she divorced), but I hardly knew him. He wasn't a nice man in any way, and my DF kept away from him as much as possible.
My maternal grandmother could knit, crochet, sew, cook, bake, and drink, and the drinking was her favourite hobby! Consequently, my DM as the eldest of four, mainly brought up her siblings, with her father's help when he was home from work. I grew up living one road from them, and did love my nana, but my great love was my DGF!
I loved everything about that man, he was kind, clever, musical, sang and danced professionally into his sixties. He taught me so much, I used to spend ages sitting on his knee with him telling me about all sorts of things from 'Pear's Cyclopedia’! He taught me to play the spoons (I've lost the knack), tap dance (too hefty now), he tried valiantly to teach me to sing (I can't carry a note in a bucket).
He taught me how to hang wallpaper, to grow vegetables, to listen to music properly, to identify different instruments from their sound.
He taught me to read, we used to have spelling competitions, and he taught me his method of doing mental arithmetic, I could read, write, knew all the times tables, including the dreaded sevens, and do basic arithmetic before I started school, at the age of four and a half!
We wore ties as part of our school uniform, and I was the only girl who could do her own tie, and in a double Windsor knot!
He used to make his own butter, and taught me to handle a pair of butter pats!
I loved the very bones of my 'Grandy'! He's been gone since April 1983, and I still miss him, he was just great!

NanaNancy Fri 19-Jan-18 02:54:04

My wonderful grandfather always liked to remind us that he started to work, "at half-past eight" which meant he was eight and one half years, when he began his work at the bakery.
Although he left us when I was very young, his memory is strong and over 50 years since his death I still meet people who remember him, his kindness and his bakery.
It is a common thread here that most of us believe our grandparents were no rich by today's standards; but they were very rich in friends and family.
My grandfather also lied about his age to enlist in WW2 as he was too old then to serve. He was in for 2 years before being politely discharged.

Grandma2213 Fri 19-Jan-18 01:29:03

Absolutely agree MissAdventure and yet we all tend to think we lead boring lives!

MissAdventure Fri 19-Jan-18 00:59:21

I absolutely love these threads! Far more interesting than celebrity news. Ordinary people have quite extraordinary lives! smile

Grandma2213 Fri 19-Jan-18 00:57:07

Oh what a lot of interesting and different memories. I have loved reading these.

My maternal grandparents died when she was a child so of course I never knew them. In later life I discovered that my grandfather gave my mother away for adoption when his wife died but that she cried so much her older sister fetched her home. She was only allowed to stay if her sister looked after her. Although she seemed to worship her father he did not appear to show any affection towards her. He died when she was about 12.

I remember my paternal Nana as being very old and very little else about her. She died at 60 when I was about 10! They lived a train ride away and we visited a couple of times a year. It seemed like a very posh house compared to ours but was actually a council house on an estate. My grandfather worked as a travelling salesman for a chemist. He had a car so I thought he was very rich. He used to provide us with soap, and toothpaste and later Revlon perfumes and bath products when he changed jobs.

He was great fun and very exciting to us as children. He was very dapper with a little moustache and was always singing. He used to sing in clubs but I found out later he was a bit of a rogue. He had done a couple of moonlight flits due to non payment of rent and after Nana died he married his childhood sweetheart. Apparently he was going out with her when he got Nana pregnant with my dad and had to marry her! He went to live with her in a caravan and ended his days (after she died) in a care home where he was still very charming into his 90s. Everyone loved him, including us!

harrigran Thu 18-Jan-18 22:50:01

My paternal grandfather died in 1948 aged 82 and I was two, I do remember going to see him. My grandmother lived another twenty years, I liked listening to her stories of her travels and her time spent in New Zealand. She bought a savings stamp each week and gave me a little book of them for my birthday. She was always an old lady to me, 70 when I was born.
We used to visit my maternal grandparents but can not recall them ever talking to me. My grandmother died at my parent's home and I was sad for my mother but really did not have any type of relationship with my grandmother.
I hope I will be remembered with more affection.

threexnanny Thu 18-Jan-18 19:43:46

I can only remember one grandparent. It seemed that she only noticed me long enough to find fault and then ignored me again. Very much of the 'children should be seen and not heard' school of thought.
She often said that she should be treated with respect purely in view of her great age and nothing should be expected of her for the same reason. I have since realised she was only late 50's!
Our children had good relationships with their grandparents.

luluaugust Thu 18-Jan-18 19:19:08

Yes Telly I think that is something I would add my grandmother had a very hard life she was widowed very young and left with 3 children to care for, a pension of £1 a week, my mum was the youngest and I was aware how close they were after all that happened to them. The widowed grandmothers lived with them to provide a little more income as did a disabled aunt.

Telly Thu 18-Jan-18 18:47:52

I only had a grandma and I think it was Guinness rather than the milk of human kindness than ran through her veins! She was stone deaf, caused by the shock of a Zepplin going down in flames near her in WW1. Her only son was killed in WW2 so that just left my mum. Communication was difficult but I understand now that her life was very, very hard so I have only compassion for her.

albertina Thu 18-Jan-18 18:41:10

What a wide variety of experiences we have had.

My paternal Grandfather died 34 years before I was born. His wife was not the least bit interested in me. My maternal Grandfather died when I was two and a half and I believe it was his death that has had the most profound effect on my life. My much older sister told me that he looked after me a lot, often pushing me to his allotment in his wheelbarrow. The men with whom I have formed the closest bonds all have a physical resemblance to him.

I have one Granddaughter who lives 400 miles away. She is just eleven. We have a lovely relationship and have had right from the start. We recently shared a hotel room for two nights. On the first morning I informed her that she snored. She looked at me with a twinkle in her eye and said "Oh really Grandma, then listen to this" and proceeded to play a recording she had made of me snoring like a hippo. We laugh a lot together, sometimes for no good reason at all, she is the light of my life.

Grandmama Thu 18-Jan-18 17:54:03

We lived with my maternal grandparents until I was 3 when my father got a job some 70 miles away. We often went to stay with them and when I was about 8 they moved to be near us so I spent a lot of time with them. Granddad helped me with maths homework, I don't remember Grandma ever getting cross. She would let me move furniture out of the house to make a 'house' in the garage and she let me go through her wardrobe and dress up in her clothes. My mother and I went on holiday to the seaside for many years with them, my father didn't like going on holiday so stayed at home. My paternal grandfather died shortly after I was born. His first wife died in middle age so I only knew his second wife (I always called her Grandma) who was lovely. She lived in another town not far away and we went over to see her from time to time. Sadly both my parents died before I married, they would have been wonderful grandparents to my DGs. DH's mother TBH was not much of a grandmother.

hulahoop Thu 18-Jan-18 16:09:51

My paternal grandparents had died before I was born .My maternal grandparents lived. 3 buses away so we didn't see them very often I remember my grandma as a crossover pinny type she used to stand with her back to the fire in the kitchen we didn't go into living room my grandad was a miner as was my uncles I remember him being very quiet so unfortunately not much memory of them . I hope I am giving my GC more memories .

MissAdventure Thu 18-Jan-18 15:53:21

My Nan was a publican, and had a pub which was quite famous around these parts as the teddy boys used to go there. A few years ago I was talking to a work colleague who mentioned going to that pub, and said "I remember your Nan then. She used to break up fights by banging their heads together and flinging them out onto the pavement!" (Nan was 4ft 10)